You Found Me
by ScarletRubie
Summary: The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over. It is when you have nothing more to wait for. A Bella/Jacob/Edward lovers triangle. Full Summary inside! Toodles. Formally I-lOvE-eDwArD-yEs-I-dO. Dedicated to the troops.
1. Holding On

**Title – **_You Found Me_**  
POV – **Bella and Jacob**  
Setting–** Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)**  
Mortality– **All human**  
Time Setting– **Summer of 2007**  
Summary– T**he worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?**  
A/N– **There was a moment where I wanted this to be in Fiction Press but I decided that I would post this one here and make up a fresh one just for Fiction Press. Enjoy!

**DISCLAIMER – I do NOT, I repeat do NOT know anyone in the army and I myself am not in the army. My knowledge is limited to the Army recruits at our school army movies and the internet. So bear with me if I'm not factual, I'm not even legally allowed to be in the army for another year so just keep that in mind as you read, don't freak out if I mess up because it's likely. I'm not perfect and I never will be.**

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart that's still beating  
In the pain there is the healing  
In your name I find meaning  
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')  
I'm barely holdin' on to you_

_I'm hangin' on another day  
Just to see what you will throw my way  
And I'm hangin' on to the words you say  
You said that I will, will be ok_

–_**Broken, Lifehouse **_

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**Holding On**

**BPOV (Bella)**

Today was the day. My husband was returning from his tour in Iraq. He'd been gone for fifteen months and he would stay here for two months before he returned for another tour. He would then be gone for another fifteen months. People ask me if it was hard being an army wife and I would answer truthfully. I would say loyalty and devotion is what gets me through everyday. I met Jacob when I was eighteen and he was nineteen. He joined the army when he was seventeen. It's what he wanted to do and I supported him. We got married when I was twenty, three years ago. He was my best friend before anything, he moved from his hometown to mine so that I wouldn't loose my friends and family. My parents did die a year after he and I met, in a car accident. Jacob got me through that. I suppose that's why we worked together. We were best friends and soon it turned to love.

Jacob has a best friend that happens to be in his platoon, I believe his name is Edward. I've never met him face to face. He attended my wedding, he was best man, but he left early because he was leaving the next day on a tour so I didn't talk to him. All I knew is that he was Jacob's best friend and he joined the army at nineteen after finishing high school and after one year of backpacking in Europe. His family is army oriented. His father used to be a field surgeon and his mother was a nurse also in the combat field. His brother was also a soldier and his sister was the only one who hadn't gone into the army. He rarely was on leave, he loved the army. That was my best guess.

I had never been scared for his life not before he went to Iraq. He was amazing, I didn't know then but when the towers fell he worked to become Sergeant. He is head of his platoon. He loves being a soldier though he hates killing the innocent, it eats him up inside. This was his second tour in Iraq. He'd been to Afghanistan once, his first tour, then two in Iraq.

I drove from my home to the airport with Jake, my son in the back seat, he was one. He was born a couple months before left on his second tour. Being an army wife wasn't that bad, being and army wife and mom is what sucked. My son always asked for his dad, as soon as he could speak, and I would try to answer him but he never really understood.

My phone vibrated in my purse, at the stop light I shuffled through my purse and got to it. It was my brother, Jasper. "Hello."

"Hey, is he home yet?" He asked.

"No he lands in about fifteen minutes." I replied. "Why?"

"He asked me to do him a favor, something about a friend."

"You're a psychologist, what could he possibly want?"

"I'm not sure, he e-mailed me." I pulled into the parking lot of the airport.

"I'll ask him about it." He agreed and hung up. I took my sleeping son out of the car seat and rested his head on my shoulder.

I rushed to the terminal I knew he would arrive in. Families flooded the area. I went towards the front, beside me stood a blonde. "Hi." I greeted her.

"Hello." She replied curtly. I turned away and waited. I waited for about 10 minutes until I heard the announcement say that they had landed. I took a deep breath and turned to the terminal exit.

The first soldier I saw was a large brawny guy early to mid twenties, and he had short brown hair, he looked my direction. It took me a while to realize he was looking at the blonde next to me. I walked around her and I waited for more soldiers to emerge.

Finally I saw a head full of dark hair, tanned skin. His dark eyes searched for me. I pushed through embracing families until I reached him. "Jacob!"

His eyes lit up and he dropped his bags to gently put his arms around me and Jake. The sudden movement woke him. He groggily lifted his head off my shoulder and looked around. "Honey, this is daddy."

His eyes lit up as I uttered the word. "Daddy?!" Jacob took a long look at him.

I nodded. I angled him so he could see Jacob. "Hey kid, you grew." He pulled him into his arms and hugged him tightly. My eyes watered at the scene before me. For over year I yearned for this moment.

He wrapped his other arm around me. My tears turned into sobs. "Hey, don't cry. Do not cry Bells."

He placed Jake on his side so that he could hold me. "I missed you so much, Bella." He leaned in to press his lips to mine. His touch left a burning sensation on my skin.

Despite the people and Jake he kissed me feverishly. "I love you." I whispered against his lips.

"You have no idea how much I missed you, how much I longed to see you." He turned around to search the soldiers to find someone. "I want you to meet –" He sighed and walked over to the large brawny man I saw initially. "Where's your brother?" he asked.

The guy shrugged. "He was right behind me. I think I heard him say he was heading back home to surprise our parents."

"I told him to stay." Jacob replied a bit annoyed.

"For what?"

"Nothing, forget it." He muttered. "Emmett this is my wife Isabella, Bella and my son Jake. Bella this is Emmett and his wife…" he trailed off.

"Rosalie, Rose." Emmett added. He had his arm wrapped around her.

"He's Edward's brother." Edward, the infamous best friend I never really got to meet. "You going home?" Jacob asked Emmett.

He nodded. "Yeah, my parents don't know we're coming home so yeah, that's probably where Edward is"

"Alright I'll see you later." Jacob led me off to pick his stuff up.

"You want me to take Jake?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I haven't seen him in over a year."

"He asks for you, he doesn't forget you." I said sadly.

He kissed his forehead. "I know." We walked off to the car.

"Jasper called, he said you wanted a favor."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, it was for Edward."

"How do you mean?" I asked.

"You remember when I went home to see him before he left for the second time?" I nodded. "Well, I don't know he was acting really funny. You know out of character and I wanted Jasper to talk to him. I know something's up and he left to evade me."

"Maybe he really just wants to avoid me." His brow rose quizzically. "You know I've never met him, right?"

"Yes you have…at the wedding."

"You pointed him out in the midst of all those people, I didn't really see him. When you and I met he was in Europe, then boot camp, then he was stationed in Asia, and then he went to Afghanistan then Iraq. I've never met him."

"What? You…that's crazy, I talk about him all the time."

I nodded. "I know, I guess he's too busy to meet me." I laughed. "It's okay, maybe I'll get lucky. So what do you wanna do?"

He looked at me as if he expected my disappointment. "I want to sleep."

Okay, I was a little disappointed but I understood. "Sure."

"But I just really want to be with my son most of all. I didn't know what to expect when I got back, he's changed so much and so have you."

"I haven't really done anything."

"You dyed your hair and you cut it into layers, you arrange it a different way." I had dyed my hair a slightly darker shade but it wasn't really noticeable and I did cut it but it's grown. I had no idea he would notice. After I cut my hair I started to leave it loose because the layers were too short.

"I guess it's been a long time." I opened the car as we approached it.

"It has, it's been a long time. I'm glad to be home."

"Are you going home to see your dad?"

He leaned into the car and tried to buckle Jake into the car seat. I saw him fumbling with it so I climbed into the backseat to help him. I buckled the top and clipped the two straps to the buckle. Once he saw how easy it was, he let out a sigh of frustration.

"I'm going to go see him tomorrow, right now I just want to be home and eat some fast food." He got into the passengers seat and I drove.

"Pizza." I suggested.

"You still know me."

"So how was it?" I hesitated a bit to ask.

**JPOV (Jacob)**

I didn't know how to answer her question, I never lied but I couldn't be bluntly truthful. The blunt truth was that it was so horrible, the images haunted me and all I can do is push them away. The only thing that got me through every day was her, when I left she promised me that everything would be okay and I clung to those words these past few fifteen months. That's what kept me going. I wanted to live another day to see her and my son.

I simply shrugged. "Bad and just really bad, the basics remain the same."

"Was it worse this time?"

I always liked to be truthful so I gave her the sugar coated version of the true events. "It's always worse, before you think its mindless killing but once you really know, you see a lot of innocent people get hurt and sometimes you can't differentiate between the good and the bad."

"I'm sorry. I know it must feel really bad."

"You have no idea but someone has to do it." She had no idea how heavy my heart was. She had no idea that she and little Jake were the only ones who kept me alive and gave me the will to hold on, the will to keep fighting.

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**Please share your opinion, and I hope you keep reading. If someone cares to know I'm currently writing chapter 6. So **_**please **_**review, it really motivates me. Suggestions are ALWAYS welcome.**

**PS. This Story is broken up into 3 parts.**

**P1 – Holding On**

**P2 – Somewhere Over The Rainbow**

**P3 – Better Together**

**~Toodles.**


	2. Falling Awake

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Jacob  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)**  
Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Summer of 2007**  
Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – Jake = Bella and Jacob's. Jacob = Jacob, Bella's husband._  
_**

_You never get to choose  
You live on what they sent you  
And you know they're gonna use  
The things you love against you_

_One foot in the grave  
One foot in the shower  
There's never time to save  
You're paying by the hour_

_And that's just the way it goes  
Falling awake__And that's just the way it goes  
–__**Falling Awake, Gary Jules**_

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**Falling Awake**

**JPOV (Jacob)**

After watching a Disney movie with Jake, he fell asleep and I took him to bed. I showered while Bella picked up in the living room. The hot water felt foreign to my skin. I felt so at home that is was eerie. I brushed my teeth while Bella bathed Jake. I missed that kid so much. It was hard to get an image in my head but all I knew is that I had a son back home.

"Go get ready for bed, I'll tuck him in." I said as she put his diaper on.

"Okay." I searched in every drawer until I found the pajama drawer. I took out black pants and a white t-shirt.

"Daddy."

I smiled at the sound of his voice. "Yes, I'm daddy."

I picked him up and placed him in the crib. When I put him in he began to fuss. "What's wrong?" I asked, obviously he didn't tell me. I tried for a good while to figure out what was wrong and I just couldn't get it. I gave up and went to find Bella. It's pretty bad when you can't comfort your own kid.

She was still in the bathroom. "Bella!" I called through the door.

"Yeah."

"I did something wrong, it seems like I did. I put him to bed I got a blanket and he's crying. Am I missing something?"

She laughed. "The teddy, you forgot to give him the teddy. It's on top of the drawers with his clothes. It's the reddish-brown with the blue bow."

I felt pitiful. A dad should know something like this and I didn't. I had missed his first step, his first word. I didn't even know him but his love was unconditional. I guess Bella talks about me because he seems to like the idea of me, I'm not sure if he likes _me_. I walked back into Jake's room and found the bear right where she said it would be.

I took it to him and he seized his crying at once. "Sorry, kid. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I'm not the dad you expected, I'm sorry I don't know anything about you." I gave him his good night kiss and turned off the lights before I closed the door. Just as I got to the bedroom he started crying again.

This time Bella saw my frustration. "You forgot to turn on the lamp. He's scared of the dark." I ran my fingers through my hair in a frustrated manner. "You didn't know. Don't be so hard on yourself."

She quickly went into the room and then came back. "I don't even know him." I muttered.

"Jacob, relax, you just got back it's natural you're going to get used to it." Yeah I could get used to it now but what about when I leave and come back again, he's going to change and I will be lost again.

"I hope so. It's just really hard when I can't figure out what to do with him. He's my son and I don't know him." She wrapped her arms around my torso.

"You will." She whispered. I hugged her back trying to comfort myself. Her lips found mine and she deepened her kiss. Her hands found their way up my shirt. Her coolness sent shiver up my spine. Her hands managed to guide my shirt over my head. She pushed me back onto the bed and fell over me.

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Later that night I found myself wide awake, the silence was almost unbearable. The only sound was Bella's steady breathing as she slept with her arm draped over me. Her head rested on my bare abdomen. She was sound asleep and I just couldn't sleep. There were a number of things keeping me up. First was the uncanny silence, I was just uneasy about it. I hadn't slept with this much peace, security and silence for a long time. Second was the guilt, the guilt of leaving my wife to raise our child.

Eventually I dozed off but was abruptly awoken by a shooting sound. My body instinctively jumped up. I swung my arm over and in the process knocked over the bedside lamp. Bella was rudely awakened by the movement and the sound. Even Jake in the next room heard it and began to cry.

I wasn't quite sure if the sound was real or if I just imagined the sound. "Are you okay?" She asked. I wish I knew the answer to that.

"Yeah, I just heard something and it startled me. I'm fine." I lied. I don't think I was really okay but I said just to keep her calm. "I'll go get Jake." I offered.

"Yeah I'll go get something to clean this up."

"I'm sorry."

She smiled. "It's okay." I scooted over to the foot of the bed so I wouldn't step on the broken lamp. I slid on my t-shirt and pants then walked over to the next room.

I opened the door to Jake's room and walked over to the crib and I picked him up in my arms. I patted his back and grabbed his blanket and bear. "Its okay, you're okay." I assured him.

Back in our room Bella was scooping up the broken lamp. It was hardwood and it was pretty easy to pick up. I still felt bad, now I just think I imagined the sound. "I'm gonna lay him down with us."

"Yeah I think he got a little shaken up."

I took Jake and set him down beside me, he was already dozing off. Bella lied down on his opposite side. "Hey are you really okay?" She asked probably seeing the uneasiness in my expression.

"Yeah," I whispered. "I'm good, I'm fine I just thought I heard something."

"You can tell me if you need to."

I shook my head. "Really, I just thought I heard something but it was nothing." I finally convinced her of that and she fell asleep. I finally did get some sleep. Early the next morning, while Jake and Bella were still sleeping, I was woken by the house phone. We had a phone beside our bed and I answered it before it woke everyone else.

"Hello."

"Jacob." I recognized the colonel's voice. "I'm sorry to disturb you so early on your first day back."

"Its fine, was there something you needed?"

"I need talk to you."

"I do too." i interjected.

"What I was going to say was that I need to talk to you but there is no sense in making you come all the way over here. I just needed to tell you that you'll only have one month at home, I need you back late August."

"Actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I think I'm going to…I'm leaving the army, I'm signing off."

There was a dead silence on the other line. "What possessed you to make that decision?"

I sighed. "I have a one year old son and I know nothing more than his name, I had to think twice when I saw him, I didn't know who he was. My wife is alone, I can't put her through this anymore. It is cruel."

"Jacob you're all I've got, I can trust you, you can keep your men together. Edward will be leaving for the same thing in September, he'll join you as well and Emmett will accompany him. I would ask Edward and Emmett to leave at the same time they haven't had a leave for a while and I have to give them a couple months. Go and then when you get back we'll talk."

"Colonel, I can't leave my family anymore." I argued.

"One tour, Jacob. That's all I ask."

He was not going to let it go, I had no choice. My only choice would be to go AWOL and I didn't have the energy for that. "When I get back I'm signing those papers, there will be no talking."

"I can't force you to stay though I'd like to."

"One tour." I reminded him. "One tour and I'm done."

"That's all." He agreed.

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**PLease Review!!**


	3. Uncertainty

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Jacob and Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Summer/Fall of 2007  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – **

_It's uncertainty killing me  
you're certainly fast asleep  
maybe I've gone way too deep  
maybe I'm just far too weak  
And thats the last place  
yeah and thats the last place_

_and when you forgive our regrets  
and when you regret_

_Thousands are lost, maybe more  
the question remains what is this for?  
maybe it came unexpected  
maybe im left unprotected  
oh and thats the last place  
__yeah thats the last place  
**Uncertainty, The Fray**_

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**Uncertainty**

**EPOV (Edward)**

"Sweetie, what would like for breakfast." My mother, Esme, asked when she saw me approaching the kitchen. She was smothering me because she hadn't seen me in 15 months.

"Whatever you want, mom."

"I called your dad he won't be home for little while, he slept at the hospital. Maybe you should go see him." She suggested.

"Yeah, I'll have breakfast with him. Do you know where Emmett is?" I asked.

On his cue Emmett walked in the front door followed by his fiancée Rosalie. "Jacob was looking for you yesterday.'

"For what?" I asked acting like I didn't know what he was talking about. The truth was that I did know what he was talking about. Jacob had told me on the plane that I needed to talk to someone. There was nothing wrong with me and I wasn't talking to anyone. I was fine, great actually. I'm not crazy.

"I don't know you tell me, you seem to know."

I shook my head. "Nope, I don't know. Anyway I'm going to go see dad at the hospital, coming?"

He eyed me suspiciously. "Yeah."

I went to kiss my mom goodbye. "Edward, can I ask you something?" I nodded. "How long are you going to keep doing this?" Her question wasn't a surprise to me, it was almost unusual for her not ask.

I was scared of that question because I didn't have an answer. "I don't know."

"Are you never going to get married and form a family?" She always asked this kind of stuff when I come home and she received my same response.

I shrugged. "Maybe I haven't found the right person. Don't worry about it, mom."

"I worry that you spend so much time in the field that when you come back you won't be able to be normal." I shot her a puzzled look. "You forget I've been there, not on the combat field, but I've seen things and they take a toll on you. It's hard to forget things but it's possible."

"Mom there's nothing wrong. I'm going to see dad, don't worry about it."

I followed Emmett out the door. "You should listen to you best friend." Emmett said casually.

"Whatever that means."

"I'm not as smart as you but I know how to connect the dots. Bella's brother is a psychologist and Jacob was asking about you and he was upset that you left. Besides you forget I'm your brother. I know Jacob wanted you to talk to a psychologist, he's right you might need it."

"There is nothing wrong with me."

"I'm your brother and he's your best friend we know you better than anyone. You have issues, we all do but you need to talk to someone."

"Emmett, drop it, I think I know when I'm okay and I'm perfectly okay."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever but don't forget that we tried the easy way."

"What's that's suppose to mean?"

"It means that if I have to physically take you to talk to someone and I have to hold you down the whole time I will." He was completely serious and I was completely serious about not going.

"If you say so." I said with a shrug as I got into my completely unmoved black Volvo. It hadn't been moved since the last time I was here. Emmett and Rose got in the back seat and I drove off. Emmett didn't say anything else the whole ride.

My dad was an ER surgeon so we parked near the ER. When he pulled up an ambulance followed. In the ER I saw that it was a child in the ambulance. It was a gun shot wound, for whatever reason I stopped dead in my tracks. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't tear my gaze away from the horrific scene. A pang of guilt took a hold of me, I recalled the time we were in pursuit of some Iraqis, they had fired first and they ran into a local neighborhood. They ran into a home, we though no one was them, we had no choice but to open fire. I indicated the house they went in. When we walked in we saw that it was filled with Iraqi children whom we'd killed. The one's we were in pursuit of had gotten away.

"Edward!" Emmett's booming voice brought me back to reality but even then I couldn't move. I just kept seeing the blood of those innocent children. They were dead because I gave false information. I indirectly killed them.

I had no idea I felt this way, my breathing hitched and I became unresponsive. It had been my first tour, it had been two years and still I had that image burned into my memory. It was more vivid than ever.

"Rose go ahead, I'll catch up in a minute." Emmett put himself in front of me. "Edward, talk to me. Say something."

"Just give me a minute." I muttered. I fought the images the feelings and I shoved them away. I took a minute to regain my composure. The injured child was finally taken away. Emmett followed my gaze to the child as he was taken away.

I finally regained control of my body functions and I found the will to keep moving. "What the hell was that?" Emmett demanded.

"Noth –" He cut me off before I could finish one word.

"Don't you dare say it, it was something. I'm not an idiot. It was that kid, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, it was nothing."

"Really, you can't even swallow that lie, I'm around you nearly 24/7 I know when something's wrong. What happened back there?" He was thoughtful for a minute. "It was that thing from two years, those kids? Edward, you have got to let that go."

It wasn't a surprise that he knew, he was there. "Emmett, can you just get off my case." I hissed and walked in the opposite direction towards the receptionist.

Deep inside I knew I was uncertain of what really was going on with me, I was sort of lost in this world where I appeared to be normal. In a sense I was normal but there was also this thing that clearly affected me and made uncertain of who and what I really was turning into.

**JPOV (Jacob)**

I had visited my father this morning. Obviously I had to apologize for not visiting earlier. I decided that I would hold off on telling Bella that I had to leave early,

I took Jake and Bella to the city Zoo. After lunch Jake fell asleep and we stopped at a bench. "Are you every going to quit?" Bella asked abruptly.

"How do you mean?"

"Are you ever going to stop being a….soldier?"

Of course I knew the answer to that but the thing was that I didn't want to tell her, not yet. It felt cruel, if I told her and I died it would hurt her so much. I can't do that to her. I may be a pessimist or a realist. Everyday on the field I though about dying, we all did, we knew the possibility existed. "I don't know, Bells, I know it's hard for you."

"Whatever you want to do I will stand beside you, it's all I can do?"

The way she supported me made me more resistant to tell her the truth, which was that I was leaving a month early. The way she never said 'no' made it so much harder. I couldn't bear to look at her face of disappointment.

I tried to put off the conversation for weeks but soon my day to leave was only five days away.

I walked behind Bella at the grocery store, it would be sad to say that I would miss this. In these four weeks I had learned so much about Jake and I didn't want to lose it. I had grown attached to this lifestyle and so had Bella and Jake. She will be heartbroken when I tell her.

As I waited for Bella to get the cereal my phone rang. I recognized Edward's number in the caller ID. He hadn't talked to me since we arrived, so I gave him time to cool off. I knew he was mad. He refused to accept that he needed help and he wanted to live in this lie. I wasn't going to let him, I won't lie to him. Emmett his own brother told me of the incident he had in the ER room. "Yeah?"

"Colonel called yet?" He asked.

"Yep, he told me. I'm leaving in five days."

"Yeah, he just called he told me I leave mid to late September, no date yet."

"I guess you got lucky." I replied. "Hey Edward, I need a favor."

He sighed. "I won't go see anyone." He said immediately.

"You should." I warned. "But if you choose to be hotheaded, that's on you. Don't ever say I didn't tell you.

"Look don't worry about me, I'm good. Emmett overreacted, it was nothing. I have complete control of my life." He argued. He was persistent and he has denied that something was wrong with him for a long time. "It was really nothing."

I rolled my eyes. "You can believe that but I've known you for all your life. I know when you're 'good' and you're not. Things happen out there and you can't let them get to you. I know you have the biggest conscience of all but let it go, you didn't do it deliberately." I knew that the family we accidentally killed had gotten to him, he hadn't let it go yet and it was time to.

"Just leave it alone, Jacob."

"Fine but if you need someone, Bella's brother is a psychologist. His name is Jasper Swan."

"Okay, call me when you know what time and terminal you're taking."

"Yeah." Bella had come back with the cereal. "I'll talk to you later." I muttered and hung up.

"Who was that?" She asked as she put the box into the cart.

"Edward."

"You haven't talked to him in a while." She commented.

"Yeah, he's not over the fact that I told him he needs help….. I need to tell you something." I had to tell her that I was leaving. It would be unfair if I told her that day but it would also hurt her less. I was deliberating if sooner was really better. I just really didn't want to see her cry, to see her sad. She looked at me expectantly. "I forgot to…lock the back door."

"I know. I locked it."

"Oh, well then never mind."

"Was that it?" She laughed. "It seemed a bit more serious."

"No, that was it." I lied. Perhaps I needed counseling myself. When I was in high school nothing really mattered. I never felt more in control but now, ironically that I'm soldier I feel that everything is spiraling in a downward motion and I couldn't stop it. It was heading somewhere unknown to me and I had to do all I would to prohibit that because when it reached its point I would be misplaced and like a lost child.

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**I love everyone's review! It keeps me motivated to keep writing, thank you!!**

**~Toodles.**


	4. Ungodly Hour

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Bella and Jacob  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2007  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** –**

_Don't talk, don't say a thing  
Cause your eyes they tell me more than your words  
Don't go, don't leave me now  
Cause they say the best way out is through_

_And I am short on words knowing what's occurred  
She begins to leave because of me_

_Her bag is now much heavier  
I wish that I could carry her  
But this is our ungodly hour_

–_**Ungodly Hour, The Fray**_

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**Ungodly Hour**

**JPOV (Jacob)**

Lying turned out to be extremely hard and exhausting. Monday morning came and that afternoon I was leaving. I had made the best of the time I had with Jake. I just had to keep it in my mind that it was one tour, just one tour. "Hey, Bells, I need to tell you something. It's important."

She turned from the fridge. "Okay, shoot."

I took a deep breath. "I might've…failed to tell you something."

"What's that?"

"I have somewhere to go at three."

I saw the confusion in her face. "Where are you going?"

"A….tour to Iraq." I said almost inaudibly.

"A tour," She demanded. "You're not due back for another month."

I sighed. "He called me the morning after I landed, the Colonel did. He said that he needed me."

"Jacob, that is so horrible. You should've said something. How can you wake and tell me _'I'm leaving to Iraq today'_, I had no warning." She ran her fingers through her silky brown hair. "That's so unfair."

"I know but I wanted to avoid this, the last time I left I was scared for you. I didn't want you to feel like I'm going to die the next day. I wanted to enjoy my days here without you worrying. Please see where I'm coming from. I am sorry."

"I don't know how long I can do this. It's so hard to recover from your absence. I miss you, I roll over on the bed and I feel so alone. Sometimes I'll talk to you and turn around and realize you're not here. Sometimes I'll need help with the simplest things and I call out for you and you're not there." I had never felt this pain before. I had never realized just how bad it hurt her. I pulled her into my arms.

I wanted to tell her I was done but if something happened she would be heartbroken. "I'll be back before you know it."

"You should've said something." Her voice was muffled against my chest.

"I wanted to inflict the least pain possible for the shortest amount of time."

"Sometimes it hurts more." She pulled away and closed the fridge after she took out the milk.

"That wasn't my intention." I assured her.

"I know." She wiped off her excess tears and poured a small bowl of cereal. "Do you mind getting Jake for breakfast?"

I shook my head and went to the living room where he watched Elmo. I picked him up from the couch and carried him over to the table. "You know I'm really sorry, right?"

"I know." She replied. "I understand." I knew she was still upset. "I'm not mad at all."

I brought the bowl to the table and started feed him myself. I was going to miss him so much. When we finished breakfast I went to my father's house. He knew that I was leaving, he has a sixth sense, and he always knew when something was up. I told him a few days after I found out but made him promise that he wouldn't tell anyone.

"Jacob, come to say your farewells."

"Yeah, I'm leaving in about two hours." He had a very sad look on his face, when I came to say goodbyes he never acted this way. Somehow he knew that I would be okay but he didn't give me the confidence that I would alive. "Is something wrong?"

"When it's time to let go, just let go." He said in a very wise voice. "We won't be mad, we know you will fight as hard as you can."

"I don't understand." I admitted.

"I know, in a certain way neither do I but I felt the need to tell you that. I think you'll need this…..How's my grandson?" He quickly changed the subject.

"Granpa, hi!" Jake exclaimed. I let Jake down so that he could hug him. My other friends Embry and Quil, joined us for a drink before it was time for me to leave.

"You coming back?" Embry asked.

"I hope so, take care of my dad though just in case." Beside me Bella silently left me. The talk of me dying really took a toll on her.

"Good luck, Jake." Quil called out.

I nodded. "I'll need it. Bye dad."

"Remember what I told you, when the time comes don't feel guilty. Things happen for a reason and always fight your hardest."

"I always do." I hugged him good-bye and met Bella in the car.

She put Jake into his seat and she drove. I told her to stop by Edward's house. I gave her directions and when we arrived no one was home. She then drove to the airport silently.

She didn't take her eyes off the road. Once we arrived at the terminal among the soldier's family I recognized Edward and his family. They waited for me.

"Bella this is Edward and Esme, Carlisle Cullen." I introduced them by gesturing to each of them.

"What a pleasure, five years after he tells me he met the girl, I get to meet her." Edward chuckled.

"Hello." She shook his hand and introduced Jake.

The announcer came on and said the plane was now boarding.

"I'll see you there?" I asked.

"Can't wait." Edward replied sarcastically. "It should be fun."

I turned to Bella. "I have to go, now."

Her eyes watered and soon tears spilled over. "Please don't go." She begged.

"I have to. I don't really have a choice."

"I have this feeling that I won't see you again. When you leave I usually feel optimistic but I feel something deep inside me and it feels like this is the last time I will see you." Her cries turned into sobs.

**BPOV (Bella)**

I was making a scene at the airport. I held onto Jacob for dear life. There was this wretched feeling inside me. I anticipated something bad, something horrifying. "Please." I begged once more.

"Bella, look at me." He commanded.

I inched my head up.

"Listen, you have to be strong. If I die then you have to keep going, it won't be the end of the world. You have Jake and you will have a life ahead of you. I tell you this every time, you will keep me in your heart and will move on. I can't change fate and neither can you." He pressed his forehead to mine and put his hands on either side of my face. "Just take the bull by the horns. You will be okay."

"Please don't die." He brushed his lips against mine.

"I promise I will fight as hard as I physically able to. In return swear to me that if something happens you won't will attach yourself to my memory. I want you to be happy and it won't be along with my memory. You will move on and you take care of my son."

"I can't."

"Yes you can, because if I die and you don't do this I won't die in peace. Just swear to me."

I sniffled. "I swear." I breathed. An announcement stated the plane was lifting off in 5 minutes.

He pulled away and picked up his bag. He forced a smile and took my hand. He brought it up against his chest. "Keep me in your heart." His saying was connected to a song called Keep Me in Your Heart by Warren Zevon. The first time he left he told me that when he was gone to remember him with that song.

"I will." He took Jake from Esme, Edward's mother, and hugged him tightly and kissed him.

"Don't forget me." He whispered before he gave him to me.

He moved on to say good bye to Esme and Carlisle, then Emmett and lastly Edward. "Drive her home." He said lowly thinking I didn't hear him.

He took one last look at me and mouthed 'I love you.'

'I do too.' I mouthed in return.

"Mommy, sad." Jake looked up at me.

I wiped my face though it was no help. "No, Baby. It's okay." I assured him, the truth was that something told me that it wasn't going to be okay.

"Let me take you home." Edward offered. He was the same guy I remembered from my wedding. He had reddish brown hair cropped short and glimmering green eyes. He seemed like a very honest and caring person. I guess that is why he and Jacob are friends.

"It's okay, I can do it myself."

He wasn't budging. "It would be like me letting you drive drunk, it's not responsible. Hand over the keys."

"No I'm fine, I'm not drunk."

"It's not you I'm so worried about, you can try to kill yourself if you want to but I wouldn't want your son to die."

"Was that supposed to be nice?" I demanded as my tears escaped me.

"No it was supposed to be factual. You won't die in an accident but he will."

He was right. I was in no condition to drive. I took my keys out of my purse. I handed him the keys. "Here." I tried to keep my composure but it was so hard. It was hard keeping myself on my own two feet, anyone can imagine what it was like with a child in my arms.

Edward saw my struggle. "Let me take him." He offered. I was certain he was a lot safer in his arms than mine at the moment.

I led him to my car and behind us followed Emmett. He launched a ring of keys to me. "Take my car."

He put Jake in his seat and I got into the passenger seat where I completely lost it. By sobs caught Jake's attention. "Hey, Bella, relax you're scaring him. Breathe and relax, Jacob….let your life take its course. At any rate you'll be fine."

"He's not coming back."

"No one knows that, not me, not you, not even him." That couldn't comfort me, I wanted to be sure I had a future, and by the looks of it my future would be very dark. The feeling I had didn't leave me, I knew the truth was I wasn't going to see him again and it tore me apart.

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**Thank you for the previous reviews, keep them coming! P.S. Do ya'll like the lyrics i change every chapter, are they more or less topical?  
**

**~Toodles. **


	5. When the Stars Go Blue

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Bella and Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2007  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** –**

_Where do you go when you're lonely  
Where do you go when you're blue  
Where do you go when you're lonely  
I'll follow you  
When the stars go blue_

–_**When the Stars Go Blue, Bethany Joy Galeotti/Tyler Hilton**_

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**When the Stars Go Blue**

**BPOV (Bella)**

Edward brought me home and Emmett gave him his car keys then left with Rosalie.

"Are you going to be okay?" He asked as I opened the front door.

I turned to take Jake from him, I left the door open behind me and he came in. "I don't know. I just can't take this horrible feeling away. If he dies I'm going to be so alone. My brother, Jasper, would be my only family left. My have no aunts or uncles."

"Don't worry about that now, worry when it happens."

"I guess that's a bit more rational." I agreed. "You want something to drink?" I asked.

He nodded. "Sure, anything you have is fine."

I went to the kitchen and grabbed a coke. "Thank you for taking time out of your day, I probably would not have made it home." I confessed.

He chuckled. "I know, so did he, that's why he asked."

"Can I ask you something?" he nodded. "Why are you both such good friends? I mean I don't get it, it's not that it's improbable but you don't seem like a pair of good friends, not from afar."

He shrugged. "Well, we owe each other a lot in life. When I was 6 and Emmett was 7 and Alice, my sister, was 4 we moved from Washington down here to Texas. My mom had signed off from being an on the field nurse but my father hadn't and he was on leave for a few months. It was during the warmest part of the year and when we moved we wanted to check out the near by a lake. My parents took us to the lake and we went swimming, Emmett and I. It was getting windy but we wanted to jump off a deeper end and we didn't know. We jumped off and it was way too deep and I couldn't keep afloat. Emmett was able to make it back up. The kids from around there were mostly good swimmers and Jake was there and he pulled me back up. In theory I owe him my life."

Jacob had never mentioned that to me, I guess it didn't seem important. "Wow, he's never mentioned that to me."

"After that my parents pretty much adored him and they've done what they could to repay the favor. My dad signed off when I was 9, the same year Jacob's mom died. My parents insisted on paying every cost. Stuff like that, we do owe each other a lot."

"I would guess so."

"It must be hard for you, when he leaves. I can see it."

I half smiled. "I don't usually react this way, even now it's not me I hurt for, it's for Jake, I'm scared that I can't do it, you know raising him on my own. It's hard telling him that he has to wait just a little bit longer to see his dad. Sometimes I think it hurts me more than him."

He looked at me compassionately. "He knows that, he loves you and he misses you when he's away. He feels really bad for leaving you. He talks about you all the time."

"At least I'm hard to forget." I laughed gloomily. "How about you? I'm sure you have a girl here who waits for you."

He shook his head. "No, I don't have anyone…at the moment. I don't have the time to dedicate. I guess I'm not ready."

"Well, any woman would be lucky to have you."

"Thanks for the support."

"You're very welcome."

He finished up the coke and got up. "Well, I have to go but if you need anything just call me."

"Thanks."

"Bye, bye." Jake waved up from the couch.

He smiled. "Goodbye, Jake."

I sort of kept it together just for appearance. Just as he walked out the door, new tears formed. Suddenly the door reopened, it was Edward. "Forgot, my phone." He zeroed in on my face. "Are you sure you're okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah." I lied.

"I can stay."

I shook my head frivolously. "You have things to do, I will be fine."

"You'd be surprised." He muttered. He came to the couch and picked up his phone. "Call if you need something."

"I will." I followed him out the door and locked it behind him. I went over and picked up Jake.

"It's just me and you, baby."

"Momma." I smiled and kissed his cheek.

**EPOV (Edward)**

I felt pretty bad for Bella, she seemed like a very nice girl and seeing her hurt that way was heartbreaking. She seemed so sure that, that was the end. Perhaps it was her persistence and her assurance but somehow she convinced me of that as well. Somehow she made me think that he would never see her again, he would never see his son either. The poor child was just over one, Jacob adored him and it was a tragic thing.

I got into my car and headed home.

The time I had on my hands sort of worried me, I didn't know what to do. When I got home, I played piano for a while. I even tried to paint but I had lost practice and I what was once relaxing became frustrating. I had nothing to do and in that time frame a horrible series of feeling and images found me. I had nothing on my mind then the horrific deaths of those innocent people seemed to fill the vacancy. When I slept I found myself replaying the events in my head over and over. I attempted to keep myself busy but it soon became impossible. I felt this presence, this haunting presence around me constantly reminding me of the bad things I've done. Because before it was just those children but I dared to let my mind wander and I found that it wasn't just them. We go into places and we destroy entire neighborhoods and family's, we traumatize the children. We have scarred an entire generation and the bad we're doing appears to outweigh the good. At times I fail to see the good at all, at times the innocent get hurt and the guilty never do.

In the time I was alone, I found myself mistrustful and unreasonable. I began to feel paranoid. Every sound sent me jolting out of my seat. The uneasiness was almost as unbearable as the guilt. I could not find peace in my own home. I rarely saw my father because if I did that would mean I would have to go see him in the hospital and I was not keen to that. The blood and the pain and tears sent shivers up my spine. I was losing all good sense. I was turning into the epitome of a failed, sick soldier. It was hard to accept, so I didn't.

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**Please review, I'll get the next one up once I know someone's reading. I really enjoy reading reviews and thoughts on the story, so don't hesitate, the review doesn't have to be good, just truthful**

**~Toodles.**


	6. Light On

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Jacob  
**Setting**** – **Iraq  
**Mortality**** – **All human  
**Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2007  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?**  
A/N**** – **

_Never really said too much  
Afraid it wouldn't be enough  
Just try to keep my spirits up  
When there's no point in grieving  
Doesn't matter anyway  
Words could never make me stay  
Words will never take my place  
When you know I'm leaving_

_Try to leave a light on when I'm gone  
Something I rely on to get home  
One I can feel at night  
A naked light, a fire to keep me warm  
Try to leave a light on when I'm gone  
Even in the daylight, shine on  
And when it's late at night you can look inside  
You won't feel so alone_

_You know we've been down that road  
What seems a thousand times before  
My back to a closing door and my eyes to the seasons  
That roll out underneath my heels  
And you don't know how bad it feels  
To leave the only one that I have ever believed in_

_Sometimes it feels like we've run out of luck  
When the signal keeps on breaking up  
When the wires cross in my brain  
You'll start my heart again  
When I come along  
_–_**Light On, David Cook**_

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**Light On**

**JPOV (Jacob)**

The days passed me by ever so slowly and soon I hadn't realized I had been here for only two weeks. Somehow it seemed like I had been here for years. I can say my platoon and I are pretty lucky compared to other platoons and squads. We actually have a camp with provided with beds every night. Some have to do without in an abandoned building, but of course the media rarely covers that. They sugar coat everything to make it seem less horrid. Some squads beg for supplies and a place to sleep. Here, where I am, it's heaven compared to where some of the others are. We get two hot meals everyday, showers though it takes a while, you get some sort of communication though it's very limited. In the two weeks I've been here I have not been able to call home or even send a letter.

My heart yearns for this to end. I want it to be over.

"Hey, Jake!" I looked up to find Seth, he was the youngest in my platoon. He was 18 and from Washington. He was Native American like myself. Actually I was almost certain we came from the same tribe. My parents moved when I was a baby to Texas from Washington. My mom wanted to go to school and give me a future.

"What's up?"

"Edward and Emmett are coming in day after tomorrow."

"Damn, it feels like it never ends."

"Man, it's not that bad."

I rolled my eyes and laughed bitterly. "It is after nearly four tours, it is. One to Afghanistan and this is my third here. I'm so over this shit, that's what is it. We're here because some jack asses in DC made the wrong call and were hell bent on starting another war, I hope they're satisfied."

"It does suck if you look at it that way." This was classic Seth.

"It sucks either way, we didn't find anything. Three years and _nada_, I'm pretty sure they were wrong." He began to argue. "Seth, there are two types of soldiers, my kind and yours. My kind sees the reality, the sickening reality of this. Your kind defends what we're doing at all costs, because your kind sees good in everything. Let me tell you that sometimes there's just no good. You want to be here because you're young, you're eighteen and you want the glory. I wanted it too, that would be part of the reason I joined. I had that pretty picture in my head as well. I thought there was something else here and now after seven years of being enlisted I've been proven wrong time and time again. There's no good. It may feel glorious now but it doesn't when you're here fighting a war that should've never started and your wife a child are back home on edge just waiting for a sign on life. That's when it sucks, when you have a family that you just can't care for. The guys in Afghanistan have legitimate reason to be there, we don't." He looked back at me with no words to say. He knew I was right.

"You may be right or I may be right, I guess we'll never know." She said with a shrug leaving me alone.

I sat in a desk chair with a pen and paper. I remembered the face Bella wore once I left her. I was falling apart little by little. This war was diminishing everything in me. At times I had no respect for our country. Yes, I can see the argument Seth makes. We are doing good in one way or another for the population in this country but it wasn't our job, we can barely help ourselves. So many men and women have perished in this country for this war and there is little to show for it. This country wanted to keep the name of hero, we found the guy….what now? Obviously we can't just leave, we're in far too deep. The fact was the Seth did have the point, we will never know if it was worth it or not, maybe we will in the long run. We will never know what would've happened.

I took the pen from my desk and began to write. This was just in case letter, better safe than sorry. I wrote about two pages, they explained my love for her and my son, they told of my apologies and my requests. I would hope she would never have to see this but I had to face it, I was in the middle of a war and there was that chance.

It was so painful to leave Bella that way, to just leave her in tears and alone. I wanted to stay and make it all better but I simply could not. I was here in hopes of returning in fourteen and a half months. I wanted to make it home but a fear built up inside me, the fear of returning home….to a widow. I had a fear that I wouldn't make it out of this one, I had the fear that I would return as a mere body with no heartbeat, no pulse, no nothing. I had the fear of leaving Jake fatherless. I had to fight to the end. I had to fight with every ounce of power inside me. My only goal right now is to return home, alive.

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**This was a last minute sort of thing. I wanted to have a short part with his POV about the war. I heard the song and I got the idea to add this chapter in between the last one and the next one. The next chapter will be called So Small.**

**~toodles.**


	7. So Small

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Bella  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2007  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – It applies to the first have only.**

_And when you figure out  
Love is all that matters after all  
It sure makes everything else  
Seem so small_

_It's so easy to get lost inside  
A problem that seems so big at the time  
It's like a river that's so wide  
It swallows you whole_

_While you're sitting around thinking 'bout what you can't change  
And worrying about all the wrong things  
Time's flying by, moving so fast  
You better make it count 'cause you can't get it back  
_–_**So Small, Carrie Underwood**_

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**So Small**

**BPOV (Bella)**

I was brusquely awakened by Jake, he had managed to get out of his crib and walk over to jump on the bed. "Momma."

"Good morning baby." I sat up and put him on my lap. "Daddy?"

I was really not looking forward to him asking me about Jacob. This past week I was so lonely, I cold at night too. The house seemed so….empty. "Uh…" I was saved by the bell, literally. The door bell rang and a picked him up and went out to get the door.

I had a bad habit of opening the door without looking in the hole. It turned out to be Edward. "Good morning, you really are taking this favor thing to a new level." I commented. He had two cups of coffee in his hands. He's come every morning to drop off coffee and I made breakfast for both of us. He turned out to be pretty good company.

"That and I have an uncanny amount of time on my hands." I took the coffee with my free hand.

"I'm glad to be of service."

"You should be. I owe you actually. I would've driven myself mad days ago. I have come to the conclusion that I have no life outside the field, its sad when you think about it."

"Well, believe it or not I would've also. Jasper, as a psychologist, is no help to me. I have issues beyond repair and outside his understanding. I don't even understand myself." I confessed.

He followed me into the kitchen and I put Jake down in the living room. "You want to play, while mommy makes breakfast?" When I sat him on the floor he happily spilled over the box of blocks and got to work.

"So when are…you leaving?" I asked hesitantly.

"Next week, September 15, both Emmett and I leave."

"Why do you do it? Why do you continue doing this?" I asked abruptly.

He was silent for a moment. "Well, I guess that maybe it was curiosity. Initially I was planning to go into the medical field but changed my mind at the last second and took one year of an advanced art school in Europe before I joined the army."

"I thought it was backpacking."

He chuckled. "It was, but then I changed my mind. Then I just decided that I wouldn't be at peace until I tried it out and here I am, they say curiosity killed the cat. What about you? What do you do?"

"I went to college, I finished a year ago. I graduated high school with a few AP credits and I went in as a sophomore in college. I took time off everything when I had Jake. I'm going to start my student teaching, rather finish it because I did start one semester at the local high school."

"What do you teach er going to teach?"

"Photography, I went to college and things changed and I decided I wanted to teach rather than work as a photographer. I do small jobs for catalogs and stuff but not really. I do photography of my own."

"Were you going to be a photo journalist?"

I laughed because he was right. "To begin with but I veered off and decided to do natural and abstract photography. I worked in a studio when I met Jacob, I was building up a portfolio, later I got pregnant and I decided that working in studio would take to much time out of my day and I couldn't leave Jake that way so I decided to go into teaching. I do it because I love photography and all the pictures in this house are photos that I've taken."

"Teaching high school? It'll be a challenge but I'm sure you'll be fine.

"As will you in your tour. I wish you all the luck on your tour."

"Thanks. Good luck in life."

I smiled. "I need it. The wait is so frustrating but I have to push it aside because it will eat me alive. I'm going to take your advice, I will worry when I have to."

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A few days later, I awoke at almost ten o' clock. Usually I was awake by nine, either by Jake or by Edward. Edward wasn't here this morning and Jake was fast asleep beside me. I didn't expect Edward to come by today was his last day of 'freedom' this afternoon he was leaving to meet up with Jacob.

I left Jake sleeping and went to the kitchen to make him some breakfast. I felt oddly lonely, I guess I got used to Edward hanging out. I finished breakfast and soon Jake woke up and came to the kitchen. I sat him up on his high chair and fed him what I had made.

About fifteen minutes later I decided to take out the trash. I left Jake in the living room and took it out. I found a familiar car in the drive way, it was Edward. He was in there, I was him through the tinted windows. His hands were clutched onto the wheel, his eyes were desperate. I put the trash in the can.

I approached the driver's side window. "Edward open the door." He didn't reply. "Please open the door. Let me help you." His breathing was heavy and his eyes didn't move.

"Edward, please open the door." I whispered. After a few moments he did open the door.

I leaned in and talked to him. "Look at me. What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I don't know. I DON'T KNOW!" His hands clutched handfuls of his hair. "I don't know, I don't know." His voice was pained. His chest moved with his heavy breathing.

"Come with me inside." I suggested. He didn't move. "Edward, come inside." I tugged at his hand and he finally reacted. He got out of the car and I reached in to take his keys out of the ignition and then I locked it.

I led him inside. He was still not back to normal. I walked him to the couch. He refused to make eye contact with me.

I picked up Jake and took him to his room. "Mommy needs you to stay in here for a bit, I'll come back for you okay?" I closed the door behind me and went back to Edward.

His state really worried me. I do recall something Jasper mentioned. I picked up my phone and dialed his number. He picked up at the first ring.

"Jasper, something's wrong. Edward, Jacob's friend seems to have lost his mind and I'm not exaggerating. He won't talk to me, I asked him what was wrong and he just says 'I don't know, I don't know' and _I_ don't know what to do. He won't look at me."

"Alright tell me about him."

"He's the same age as Jacob."

"What does he do?"

"He's a soldier."

"Ah….I think I know what's wrong. I'm actually not too far from your house. I'll be there in a minute."

I waited for a minute and Jasper finally showed up. Jasper, didn't really look like me all that much. He was a dirty blonde with honey brown eyes, personality wise he was very emotionally aware.

He greeted me with a hug. "That him?" I nodded. He approached and squatted before him. "Edward?" he didn't look up. "Listen I need you to talk to me, I need you to tell me what you did? I can help you." I wasn't aware he did anything but I didn't open my mouth because I was not a psychologist.

"They were blameless."

"Who was it?"

"So many."

Jasper looked up. "Go hang out with Jake and give me a minute with him."

He looked like he knew what he was doing so I obeyed. I went to Jake, he was playing with toy cars and I sat down and joined him.

Jasper after about half an hour minutes came to get me. "He's okay."

"What happened?"

"We get a lot of these in the office, mostly because we live so close to Fort Hood. I'm not certain but he may have post traumatic stress disorder, it's not uncommon. He can get past it, but it can be bad if it's not handled."

"Does he know he has that?" I asked a bit concerned.

He shrugged. "I didn't ask but I doubt it. I have to go to the office it's late but tell him that if he so chooses I can talk to him or Julia the psychiatrist can talk to him."

"Thanks."

"How've you been?" Worried was painted all over his face.

"I've done this before, Jasper. I can wait until he comes back." He nodded and headed out the door. I followed him out and found Edward drinking a glass of water.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "I lost it back there and I'm really sorry."

"It sort of freaked me out." I admitted.

"It's never really happened before." He breathed. "I don't know what came over me."

"Jasper mentioned post traumatic stress disorder. He can help you." I gave him his number.

He flinched. "I don't think so. I think that it was just a moment of…..reflection."

"I'm not the psychologist but I don't really think that's it."

"Well, I guess we'll never know what it was, I'm leaving today with Emmett to meet up with Jacob."

I forced a smile. I dropped it. I had no right to go against what he said. I was nothing to him. "Tell him I love him, that I miss him and that Jake can't wait to see him again."

He nodded. "I will." He promised.

"Tell him I will be waiting for him."

"He knows but I won't let him forget."

"Are you going to make it? What happened earlier seemed very serious."

"I told you I'm fine." He assured me but it was hard to believe. He got up. "I have to go say my farewells to Billy but I really am fine."

Jake finally grew tired of the toys and came to join Edward and I. "If you say so. Bring him back."

"I will do whatever is in my power." He squatted down to Jake's level. "Good bye Jake."

"Bye, bye." Jake replied giving him a hug. Edward had grown close to Jake, he played with him when he came over. He was like his uncle.

He made his way to the door. "You don't want me to go to the airport?"

"No, my parents don't even go. I have a thing, I rather say goodbye to them at home. I thoroughly enjoyed your company these last few days."

"I did too, you're good companionship."

"Your husband was gone, any company was good company."

I laughed. "Maybe so."

"Take care of yourself and I'll see you when I get back with Jacob."

He gave me a brief hug. "Good luck to you." I wished him wholeheartedly.

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**Hey, so I know it wasn't really all that exciting, it was sort of a filler but not completely. I will ya'll three hints for next chapter. It takes place in Iraq, It's in Edward/Jacob POV, it's a very definitive moment in the story. So review so I can get it completely edited!! It's called **_**The Enemy.**_

**Ps. Anyone know Italian? It's not a random thought, I'm listnening to a girl named **_**Laura Pausini**_** and I love her but I don't get what her song is about. It's a duet with James Blunt. I mean I know Spanish but Italian not so much. I only know James' part and something about spring. If you do please mention it in a review and maybe someone can interpret the song for me, Thanks in Advance.**

**~Toodles.**


	8. The Enemy

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Jacob and Edward  
**Setting**** – **Iraq  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2007  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?|  
**A/N**** – This Song is almost overused but I love it, many people don't know it but everyone's probably heard it, ya'll just don't know the words. It's been in Goal!, The Guardian, Smallville, Serenity, Numb3rs. It's like trailer music. And if you must know the city I mention in the chapter is not real, I typed a random name, it probably doesn't exist.**

_One...take control of me?  
Yer messing with the enemy  
Said its 2..it's another trick  
Messin with my mind, I wake up  
Chase down an empty street  
Blindly snap the broken beats  
Said it's cut with a dirty trick  
Its taken all these days to find ya_

_(Uuh! ah ah ah aha)  
I... I'll tell you I want you  
(Uuh! ah ah ah aha)  
I... I'll tell you I need you_

_Friends, take control of me  
Stalking cross' the gallery  
All these pills got to operate  
The colour quits and all invade us  
There he goes again  
Takin' me to the edge again  
All I got is a dirty trick  
I'm chasin down the wolves to save ya _

–_**Club Foot, Kasabian. **_

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**The Enemy**

**EPOV (Edward)**

I definitely did not miss Iraq but at the same time I didn't mind it too much here. I had been here numerous times, it was almost normal to be here. The hot dry air wasn't foreign to me, the Iraqi people and the destroyed homes failed to shock me.

I had been here for a little over six weeks. Nothing major had happened, at the moment we searched the cars that drove by making sure they weren't a threat. There weren't many people coming by this way, we hung out talking about nothing in particular. In our group was Kyle Lawrence a typical American boy straight out from an army family. His family was not like mine, the males in his family were soldiers and not medically oriented like mine. He was from Tulsa, Oklahoma. Then there was Sam Uley, he was older than most of us, as old as Emmett. He was a Native American from Washington, with him was Seth Clearwater the youngest of us all, he was eighteen while the rest of us were from twenty four to twenty seven. Seth was a very likable boy who joined the army because Sam did. With us was also Juan Salazar, he was the medically oriented soldier in our platoon, he was like the coreman in the Navy. He was the single most protected soldier we had. If he died so did we, his main purpose was to provide immediate medical care, of course he was as combat oriented as we were. He was from Texas, he lived north of Fort Hood. His parents were Puerto Rican and Mexican. Obviously then there was Emmett my brother and the leader of us all, Jacob, he'd been enlisted the longest. He'd been enlisted since he was seventeen, for seven years. Sam joined three years ago when he was twenty four. Emmett joined when I did. Seth joined as soon as he turned seventeen and Kyle was twenty five and joined at eighteen.

Sam was married to Emily, a girl he failed to forget. He talked about her just as much as Jacob talked about Bella, Emmett about Rose or Kyle about his fiancée Jacky. Juan was not married but he had a girlfriend who he loved to talk about as well. Seth and I were the odd men out, we listened and gave our input here and there.

Emmett sat up on the Humvee ready to fire it were necessary. The rest of us were down on the ground. Seth checked a man's vehicle. The sound of shots put us all on alert. "It's just pop shots." Jacob assured us. "Stay vigilant."

The man Seth checked passed through the parked Humvees. Another car full of an Iraqi family came to a sudden halt. "Edward, Juan, you're up." Jacob gestured towards the car.

"On it." I asked the male driving to come out. The family inside the car was shaking with fear. "Keep 'em calm, Juan." The male popped the trunk and I searched what little he had. "What is that? Let me see." It was a large black duffel bag. Inside were clothes and bottles of water.

"Search inside?" I asked Juan. He nodded. "Go." Behind this car a black vehicle zoomed down the dirt road with no intention to halt. "GO!" I urged the male driving.

Jacob stepped up and shot at the ground so that it would stop but the car swerved right and opened fire. It was three males and they headed towards the populated neighborhood. They knew we wouldn't open fire with this many people on the streets. "Mount up!" At the command we rushed into the Humvees and in pursuit of the men. Kyle drove while Jacob was in the front seat and I was in the back. Seth, Sam and Juan drove in the other Humvee.

"I got a clear shot!" Emmett shouted. "He's heading west."

"NO! You will not fire until I give a direct order, there are too many civilians. DO NOT fire!" Jacob shouted in response. We moved away from the open field of civilians. "Fire, now!"

"He's going into the neighborhood. They're going to the homes for cover." I announced as they turned sharply into a cluster of dwellings. A pang of hesitance hit me. _This will _not_ affected, so help me_. I said to myself.

"Requested backup, near the city of Gandesh out in the neighborhood, 3 suspects armed and moving."

Jacob cursed under his breath just when they came to a stop and got out to run into the homes. We piled out. "Stay on alert!" he ordered. We split up, Jacob, Sam and I went one way. Kyle Seth and Juan went another. Emmett stayed ready to fire.

"Open door on the left, Sarge." Sam said behind us. Jacob burst through the door and the people inside panicked.

"Stay calm!" I ordered. We dispersed into the house and got nothing. "Dry hole!"

We moved out. We moved down slowly and cautiously when we were shot from above. "Move back, move back!" Jacob ordered.

They threw what looked like propelled grenade. "RPG!"

At the mention of that we all ran for cover. I looked around for any wounded but I did not see anyone. They continued to shoot from above.

There was a loud pained curse. I looked over to Seth, he'd been shot in arm. I pressed myself against the wall, across from me someone fired and hit me on my upper thigh. I fired back ending his firing spree. The bulled grazed my thigh but didn't go in.

I remained against the wall so that I could catch my breath and find the will to move forward because it hurt like hell. "Two men down! Cullen and Clearwater." Kyle was the first to reach me.

"You okay."

"He got me on my upper thigh but I'm good, it didn't go in." He put my arm around his shoulder and helped me over to cover. "I got him, how many we got left?"

"One, Sam got the other." He replied. I applied pressure on my thigh. Juan got to me, I sat on the ground and he tightly tied a piece of fabric over the wound. Someone from above released another RPG.

"Where are Jake and Sam?" I asked.

"They went up to find the last one." I got up.

"Where are you going?" Juan asked.

"To find him, they don't have back up. That guy's loaded with some incredible amount of shit." I picked up my weapon and sucked up the pain. Juan and Seth followed me into a home.

When we entered the family panicked. A woman held on tightly to a baby. "Stay clam! Stay calm!" We commanded as I made way up the stairs, Juan and Seth stayed down, Seth was bleeding a river. The bullet that hit him did go in.

"Jacob!" I shouted. "Sam!"

"I'm down!" I recognized Sam's voice.

"Man down! Juan, Sam's down. I'm going up to find Jacob." I made my way to the roof top, as soon as I stepped into open light they opened fire. Jacob took cover as he shot. I aimed at his target, soon Emmett from below aimed at the same place. There was no reaction. Finally after a few moments Jacob inched up and tried to make his way back inside. He took three steps and then he resumed firing. I covered him best I could. I focused on firing at him, his shots didn't reach me. I nearly ignored every sound around me.

I was stopped by a red substance that reached me. I shifted my eyes and saw Jacob on the ground. Emmett took a hint a recommenced firing, finally the male was down. I crawled over to Jacob. He been hit somewhere on his neck. I dragged him over to lean against a stone wall, above the home where we stood.

Blood streamed down his neck to his shirt. With his left hand he tried to cover his wound and control the bleeding. "Sergeant's down!" I managed to shout out. "Okay stay calm, we're going to get you out of here."

**JPOV (Jacob)**

The pain hit me like a ton of bricks, it was hard to move and my breath was hitched. A few moments passed in silence. "She was right." I breathed. "She was right, I won't see her again."

"No, you will make it." He insisted.

"No I won't, I can feel it. I'm slipping away." I choked out. I felt myself slipping away though I held on as hard as I could. I felt blood pool into my mouth, I held it back and swallowed it.

"Juan, DAMN IT! Get up here now!!" He shouted.

"I have a letter for her." I laughed bitterly. "I wrote her a letter a few days after I arrived, just in case she was right. I wrote her my goodbyes, it's in an envelope where her picture is."

"Shut up! You will _not_ die today."

"I was signing off, this was my last tour." Maybe if I had insisted on signing off that moment I wouldn't be in this situation. I felt the blood running down my arm and soaking my shirt. "I was quitting." My eyes watered involuntary. It hit me hard, I was going to leave them alone. I would never see my child grow up, he will never know me. I will never get to know what a great he's going to turn out to be. "Tell her I'm sorry."

"No you're going to tell her."

I ignored him. "Tell Jake I am so sorry. Tell my dad that I took his advice. Tell him I tried all I could but that I just couldn't hold on. Tell him I had to let go."

"Do not let go, Jacob Black, you will live stop acting like you're going to die." He hissed.

"It is so hard to hold on, I want to. I want to make it but I can't." My breath was slipping. "Swear to me you won't abandon her. Please, if I have ever done something meaningful for you, swear to me you will take care of Bella and my son. Please." I gasped for air. "Take care of them, swear to me you'll do it and….get help, you need help." I insisted. Tear streamed down my face. I didn't want to die….I was scared, so scared. I had never been Mr. Perfect and maybe I'm not good enough to make it in where the good people are, maybe I'll go to hell. A knot formed in my throat, I didn't want to leave my wife, my son, my family. My beautiful wife, I almost felt the pain she would soon feel. I didn't want her to suffer.

He shook his head vigorously. "No, because you won't die."

"I can't go in peace, if you consider me your friend you'll do it." I insisted. I needed that small amount of peace, I needed to know they would be okay.

He hesitated but then answered. "I swear that I will care for your wife and for your son….I swear that I will resort to a psychologist if I see it necessary. Just hold on, try to hold on." He begged. "JUAN!" He screamed once more.

I needed a miracle to get through this. Miracles don't happen often. I don't think I will be the chosen one for the miracle. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to remember Bella and Jake, I tried to remember them happy. I wanted to go with a good memory.

I conjured up an image where Bella held Jake in her arms, it was the day I returned. She stood at the terminal waiting for me. I guess that won't happen ever again.

With that image in my head I drifted off into a questionable area of peace. I didn't know whether it was heaven or hell but I was there and the place looks door less, by the looks of it I was not leaving.

**EPOV (Edward)**

After what felt like hours Juan came up. "Shit." He muttered at the scene before him.

I managed to look down at Jacob and he was no longer conscience. His hand had left the wound open.

Juan searched for a pulse. A horrible feeling reached me. "Nothing." He whispered. "It hit a vital artery."

"Why did you take so long?" I demanded.

"It was five minutes, Edward. I'm a medically trained soldier, I'm not god, there's not much I can do right here, he's lost way too much blood." I just about let him finish his sentence before I shut down.

I let it sit in. _What just happened?_ I asked myself.

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**This was actually very fun to write, if it seems familiar it's an adaptation from Stop-Loss, it was one of the beginning scenes. Like I said I'm not army oriented so I did my best. Pleas review, I want to know what you think about this chapter!!**

**PS. I hate the fact that it's really late at night but it doesn't look late, STUPID daylight saving it messes me up!!!!**

**~Toodles.**


	9. Blowing Away

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Bella and Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2007  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – This song applies to Jacob and to Bella, some to Edward (certain lines). It's mostly how Jacob tries to fight through it but fails.**

**PS. If you noticed the other chapter i posted was chapter 9 but with the wrong name, so that's why it seems like i updated twice but i messed up the name.  
**

_Here it comes it's all blowing in tonight  
I woke up this morning to a blood red sky  
They're burning on the bridge turning off the lights  
We're on the run I can see it in your eyes  
If nothing is safe then I don't understand  
You call me your boy but I'm trying to be the man  
One more day and it's all slipping with the sand  
You touch my lips and grab the back of my hand  
The back of my hand_

_Guess we both know we're in over our heads  
We got nowhere to go and no home that's left  
The water is rising on a river turning red  
It all might be OK or we might be dead  
If everything we've got is slipping away  
I meant what I said when I said until my dying day  
I'm holding on to you, holding on to me  
Maybe it's all gone black but you're all I see  
You're all I see  
_–_**All I Need, Mat Kearney**_

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**Blowing Away**

**BPOV (Bella)**

I had developed this very odd relationship with Edward's mother. She one day called me and asked me to come over. Of course I agreed. I was lonely at home. She apologized for never making contact with me. She said that she thought I wouldn't like her. I didn't know why she would think that, she was a wonderful person and she adored Jake. She loved kids in general. She said along with Edward and Emmett she had a daughter who was in New York, she was in her last year of Fashion Design School.

Spring semester I would try to get in my hours of student teaching. Photography wouldn't be too hard but it was high school and it would be a challenge. I just wasn't sure I wanted to leave Jake in a day care like I had all this time during college.

"My daughter is coming home in two weeks this Thanksgiving. I would really like you to meet her." Esme said. "You could have Thanksgiving with us."

I smiled. "Sure." I got up and grabbed a glass of water. Abruptly, I felt this sickening feeling, it made me drop the glass to the floor where it didn't quite break.

"Are you okay?" She asked all of a sudden concerned.

"Uh…" The air had been sucked right out of me. I regained composure. "Yeah, I just got up too fast." I lied. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

I hesitated. "Uh…yes…" She eyed me. I couldn't lie for the life of me. "I just got the feeling that something really bad just happened. I don't know what…well…" My voice flodded with hysteria.

"You don't know." She interjected. "You don't know, just give reality the benefit of the doubt."

"You're right, you're right." I felt the air come back to me. "I'm probably imagining things."

The uneasiness never completely left me, the day ended, another started and the feeling didn't cease.

**EPOV (Edward)**

I remember blood and death. As a matter a fact that's all I can remember, I don't know if I passed out from the then evident wound on my leg, from bleeding so much. I don't know if my mind just shut down. I can remember voices just calling out to me but I never replied.

At last I could think. I opened my eyes to very white room. It was large and I was not alone, it was a large room with many other soldiers in it. I managed to sit up. My body ached and my right thigh throbbed, I was definitely alive. The pain made sure that I felt life within me.

"Hey you finally came to." I turned to find Emmett. "How do you feel?"

"He's dead isn't he?" I asked pretty much knowing the answer to that.

He hesitated. "I'm sorry."

"Don't. Don't say that to me."

"He was your best friend." He argued.

"Do_ not _feel sorry for me. Feel sorry for his wife and for his son, _not_ me." I hissed.

"Edward, do you remember what happened after he went down?"

I tried to recall but I couldn't. "Was I conscience?"

"Yes."

"I was?"

"You were walking and your eyes were open. You were conscience."

"I don't remember." I admitted. I guess I didn't really want to remember.

"I thought so. Edward, you need to talk to someone, it's not normal for you to blank for three hours. It happened this afternoon and you can't remember." I don't believe that I don't remember. I do believe that I simply don't wish to remember those memories.

I ignored him. "Am I going home? …I have to be the one to tell her"

"The colonel wants to talk to you once you're home. You're leaving tomorrow at noon, Juan is done too. You're both heading home, I'm going to finish it out. I talked to him and if you so wish you can be the one to tell her, I assumed you wanted to."

"Where's his stuff?"

"No one's moved it. I'll bring it tomorrow morning before you leave."

I nodded. "Thanks, I just need a letter that is in his duffel bag. It's in an envelope."

"I'll find it."

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Emmett was allowed to accompany me to the plane. He luckily found the letter. I didn't open it, I took it with me. "Be careful." I warned him.

He nodded. "I ain't going down, see you at home. Tell her I am really sorry, we all are."

"I will."

"Take care if yourself, you know what I mean."

"I do and I will try to seek help. I've come to the conclusion that I might need it, now more than ever."

"Good, tell Rosalie I miss her and that there's not a scratch on me."

"I will." I had grown tired of my own monotone voice. "Well they're boarding."

He gave me a hug. "Wipe that looks off your face when you tell her, do something you look like crap. It won't help."

"I know." I waved him off as I joined Juan on the plane. I refused to take crutches, if I took the pills it didn't really hurt. I did have a limp in my step.

I sat beside him. "I'm sorry." Juan whispered.

"I wish people would stop that." I muttered.

"We know it hit you the hardest, he was your best friend and you watched him die."

"Can we not talk about this? I don't mean to be rude but I'd rather not talk about it." I sighed, it unnecessarily rude. "I just….I feel so bad, I feel like shit. I don't think I can tell her but I have to. I'm going to quite literally destroy her world."

"What are you going to do after this?"

I shrugged. "I'm not sure. The colonel wants to talk to me upon my arrival, I guess everything depends on what he says." The entire flight, even in sleep, I wondered what the colonel wanted me for. I couldn't figure it out.

By the time we arrived it was early the next morning. The families crowded the terminal. As always my parents didn't know, no one did. I was caught by one of the officials from Fort Hood. "Colonel wants to speak to you and Salazar, promptly."

"I'll be sure not to linger." I muttered and made my way past him. "Cullen!" I turned back. "He was a great soldier, make it known to his wife." I nodded and continued on my way. I reached Juan and his girlfriend.

"Colonel wants us both right now."

"Okay. Edward this is Hilary my girlfriend." She was an American girl, Blonde hair blue eyes and extremely pale next to him. She was a pretty girl. "Babe, I have to go meet the colonel but meet me for lunch at the diner."

She smiled and kissed him once more. "Okay, don't be too long."

I felt like a human repellent. Everything I did made people want to be away from me, in a certain aspect that wasn't too bad except for the fact that they thought I was a jerk.

Fort Hood was five minutes away, there the Colonel waited for us in his office. Walking in to his office, people knew the looks on our faces all too well. They probably had heard the news. We were bombarded with looks of pity and compassion. I hated that look.

"Salazar, Cullen, welcome back glad to see you've returned with minor injuries." I was emotionless as I took a seat. "I am sorry about Sergeant Black."

I decided to let it roll off. "He was signing off."

He nodded in agreement. "Yes, he agreed to do one last tour for me. It's quite a pity what happened."

"A pity!" I demanded. I realized that Jacob had wanted sign off before this tour and Colonel, being the man he is, pushed him to go. "You made him go. You should feel damn sorry for what you did. He went because you made him and now he's dead."

"Private I urge you to watch your mouth."

I took deep breathes. "Why the hell do you want me in here?"

"Firstly because I assume you, along with Private Salazar, wish to deliver the news. I know the friendship went a while back." I wanted to take every ounce of anger out on him but I gripped the armrests of the chair to keep myself in check. "Secondly because word reached me, I was informed of a certain situation with you."

"What situation is that?"

"If I am correct you don't recall the few hours subsequent to the incident though you were fully conscience."

"How does this involve you?" he frowned at my tone.

"You need evaluation. It is to be preformed by a psychologist but preferably a physiatrist.

Somehow it failed to shock me. "What if there's something wrong?"

"Depending on the situation it will be dealt with."

"Worst case scenario."

"Private you know what worse case scenario is, get it done ASAP."

"Is that all?" I asked.

"The body will arrive Friday afternoon. The funeral is arranged for this Sunday. She is to be joined with two families of two fallen soldiers from other platoons. Express my condolences to his wife."

"As you wish."

"I have something for you and something for you to take to his wife." He reached into his drawer and pulled out two black boxes, they were medium sized. "I know you are not big on ceremonies therefore I won't make neither you or her endure one." He popped the box open and there was, the Purple Heart. It was an award in the name of the president to those who have been killed or wounded while serving in the U.S Military.

"The bullet didn't go in."

"Edward, I will make you go to the ceremony."

I rolled my eyes. I didn't feel worthy of an award, I was probably the last person who deserved it.

**BPOV (Bella)**

It had been a slow week. I mopped the kitchen floor while Jake took his nap. Once I finished I opened all the blinds to let the sunlight in. I dusted the tables. I shifted my eyes to the window and spotted something I never wanted to see, something I had feared from day one of my marriage. I saw to soldiers wearing dark glasses and caring a small black box approach my home. I recognized one to be Edward Cullen. The door bell rang and I stumbled over to open the door.

"No, please don't say it." I begged.

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**Give your honest review!! If you want to hear more please share your thoughts whether they are good or bad.**

**~Toodles.**


	10. Just A Dream

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Bella and Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2007  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – **

_Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go  
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know  
I cant even breathe  
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background  
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,  
This can't be happening to me  
This is just a dream_

_The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray  
lord please lift his soul and heal this hurt  
then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard  
then they handed her a folded up flag and  
she held on to all she had left of him oh and what could've been__and then guns rang one last shot and it felt like a bullet in her heart  
–**Just a Dream, Carrie Underwood**_

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**Just a Dream**

**BPOV (Bella)**

My heart raced. "Can we come in?" Edward asked. I moved aside so he and the other man could come in. They lingered in the foyer. "Bella this is Juan Salazar, he is in our same platoon. This is not an easy task." He held an envelope in his hands but tore it in half. "You deserve better than this….I regret to inform you that there was an incident."

My hand covered my mouth. "What kind of incident?" I asked in a shaky voice.

"Jacob was shot. The bullet damaged a major artery on his neck. He….did not survive." I let my body collapse and I would've hit the ground if someone hadn't caught me.

"Please don't say that." Tear streamed down my face. "He can't be dead. I can't be alone." I breathed. I could hardly think, the pain was eating me alive. I hugged myself trying to breathe.

He was not coming home. My husband was not coming home, how do I tell my son that he no longer has a father, How do I survive how do stay alive. My whole world just collapsed over me and I can't seem to find my way out of the rubble. I never imagined a world a without him, I never imagined myself alone and waking up to an empty bed that would never be filled.

**EPOV (Edward)**

She sat limp on the floor. I would rather be picking up bodies on the battle field that watching this. It was the cry of a widow and it was the most unbearable thing I have ever heard. It was tortured and full of sorrow and pain. It sucked every ounce of life out of me. She cried endlessly while I looked down at her like an idiot. I couldn't utter a word of consolation.

"Please tell me you're lying, tell you it's a cruel joke." She begged. Her body shook with pain and grief.

I got down beside her, my leg throbbed when I did. "I am so sorry. Bella, I wanted to save him, but it happened and I couldn't do anything."

"I'm alone, my baby has no father, my poor baby. I am so alone."

I took her hand and gave it a slight squeeze. "No you're not. I'm here and I will be what you need me to be. I'm not your husband but I will be here. I owe it to him. I made a promise to him that I wouldn't leave you or his son. Bella trust me, you are not alone."

"He's gone, my first and only love is gone and I don't know what to do. Why did he leave me?" I could barely understand her through her cries.

He looked up at me as if I had the answer. "He didn't want to but he couldn't hold on, if you had seen him you couldn't have asked that of him. He loved you and remembered you and Jake until his last breath."

"What am I going to do?" She cried harder and soon a child's cry invaded the home.

"Bella come inside and sit down." I suggested but she didn't move she just continued to cry. I got to my feet, painfully I might add.

"Juan can you take her inside, I'm going to drop her if I try." I took the black box from him and put it on the center table.

He nodded and picked her up and took her inside to the sofa. She brought her knees against her chest and hugged herself. Her pain was so defined and so large that it killed me to see her that way. I had never seen anyone in such emotional pain. She hugged herself as if she was falling apart.

I stepped away and followed the child's cry and it led me to a blue room where a boy peeked through the bars in his crib. His eyes were read and full of tears. I painfully walked over to him. The pain was both internal and external. I picked him up. "Daddy?"

I shuddered at the mention of him, this poor child was left fatherless. "It's okay Jake." I looked at him closely and his resemblance to who Jacob was shocked me. He was the living and breathing copy of Jacob Black. I patted his back to calm him. "Come one let's get you out here." I carried him back to his mom and once he saw her he struggled in my arms to get to her. She sobbed over him. He began to be scared so I took him from her.

"Bella maybe I should take him to my mom and I will come back in couple hours." She didn't respond. I picked up a bag that appeared to have his stuff in it. "I'll come back, don't do anything stupid." She didn't even look up.

"Juan I'm gonna take Jake over to my mom and I'm going to take care of something."

I closed the door behind me taking her car keys, just to be sure. I took out the car seat and put it in my car. "It really hit her hard." He commented.

"Yeah, she –" We were interrupted by a tall tan brunette.

"I'm not a nosy neighbor, I'm really not but I saw you both go in and it didn't look so great. You're taking her son and you're wearing sunglasses in middle of fall. You brought in what looked like a Purple Heart box. I don't want to pry but…I would like to know what happen." She said in a rush.

"What's your name?"

"Angela Webber."

Juan nodded. "Angela, it is what it looks like. Sergeant Black was fatally wounded on the combat field." It was getting easier the more I heard it. "Bella needs a minute, hopefully not to do anything stupid."

"I'm going to take care of her but if you see her needing help I would trust you'd help her." I added.

She smiled. "Of course, I just got back from a trip with my husband. I went to high school and college with her. I knew Jacob very well and it's very saddening that he is gone, especially for his son."

"Yes, I know it is. I have to go, and I think she would like to be alone now."

She nodded. "Sure and you are a good person for doing what you're doing." She murmured as she walked away.

I turned back to Juan. "I wonder when people will stop talking to me like what I'm doing is any good."

He sighed. "It is. You're doing your friend a favor by helping his family. It shows a lot about you."

I shrugged. "_You_ came and that shows a lot about you, I'm sure he would've appreciated that. I have to go do some things."

"Good luck with everything."

I put Jake in the seat and went home. I was surprised to see a bright yellow Porsche in the driveway. Inside I was met with a bright little pixie that was my sister, Alice.

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**Please tell me what you think, it's like a filler. It's my least favorite of them all, it feels weird I hope it doesn't read that way. Tell me if it does. **

**The reviews are like my paycheck, LOL! I ironically found that this song was actually about a war widowed One is called _Hope._  
**

**~Toodles.**


	11. Hope

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2007  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – **

_Shadow walks faster than you  
You don't really know what to do  
Do you think that you're not alone?  
You really think that you are immune to  
Its gonna get that the best of you  
Its gonna lift you up and let you down  
It will defeat you then teach you to get back up  
After it takes away all that  
You learn to love_

_Your reflection is a blur  
Out of focus  
But in confusion  
The frames are suddenly burnt  
And in the end of a roll of illusion  
A ghost waiting its turn  
Now I can see right through  
It's a warning that nobody heard_

_It will teach you to love what you're afraid of  
After it takes away all that  
You learn to love  
But you don't  
Always  
Have to hold your head  
Higher than your heart_

_You better hope you're not alone  
–**Hope, Jack Johnson**_

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**Hope**

**EPOV (Edward)**

Alice was the epitome of a crazy artsy girl. She dyed her hair jet black and she went to Fashion Design School in New York. She was crazy and happy all the time, her wardrobe never followed anyone's fashion but her own.

I brought Jake inside and sat him down in the living room and went to the kitchen.

"EDWARD!" She skipped over to hug me. "Oh my goodness I thought you were on tour and …. Eww take the glasses off." She pulled them off my face and revealed my bloodshot green eyes. "What happened?" she demanded. She turned to the small boy on the couch. "Who's he? He's not yours…is he? He actually looks like Jacob."

"He's not mine, Jacob was his father."

"Was? He's not dead." Her bubbly expression was wiped clean off her face. "Ah….Edward what happened?" I took the shades from her and walked around her.

"He was shot." I muttered.

She didn't push it, she knew me all too well. "Why is he here?"

"I took him from his mom, she needed space and I brought him here. Listen I really can't repeat this story one more time. I need to go do something."

"Edward do not bottle this up, this is how people commit suicide. If you need to cry just cry, I'm here for you."

I looked at her blankly. "I don't want to cry, Alice. Can you please take care of him while I do what I have to do?"

I walked over to the refrigerator. "What happened to you?"

"A bullet grazed my leg, I'm fine."

"You're limping."

"I got shot at, I got lucky." I drank a glass of water and headed out the door. She followed me out with Jake in her arms.

She followed me over to the car and saw the black box sitting in the passenger seat. "You got a purple heart?"

"Yeah."

"You don't seem honored."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't really deserve it, I got shot at, and that's hardly heroic."

"You've changed."

I sighed. "Life does that, it changes you." I climbed into the car. "Alice take care of him, please, mom can help you when she gets home. I need to do something then I have to go check on her."

She nodded in encouragement. "I will." She was worried about me, I could see it in her eyes. I didn't wait for my mom because I knew that with her I couldn't hold it together. On the way out of the driveway I reached into the glove box and took out a card that read Jasper Hale, there was an address to an office. I drove to the familiar place in town.

I walked in and there weren't many people here. "Um…Is Dr. Hale in?" I asked. I felt so…not comfortable in the office.

The middle aged receptionist smiled. "I'm sorry there has been a family tragedy and he's out. His patients were called, did I miss you?"

"I didn't have appointment."

"I'll take him Ruth." A very soft sweet voice called. I turned to find a very beautiful girl. She had hazel eyes, she was tan and her pin straight dark brown hair reached her waist. She did not look much older than I. "I don't have any patients though it depends whether I can help you or not. I'm not psychologist, I'm a psychiatrist. By the way my name is Dr. Julia Taylor."

"I'm Edward Cullen. I actually need an evaluation for…my job, I guess."

"I see you're a soldier." I nodded. "Well come in I can help you with that." She was amazingly beautiful. She wore a knee length skirt and a deep purple blouse. In the midst of all that was happening to me she had managed to distract me from my troubles. Maybe it was because she was the first unmarried I'd seen in months or maybe she was just really pretty. "Coming?" She asked.

"Yes." I followed her into her office. She gestured to a seat in front of her desk. "You work with Dr. Hale?"

"Yes, he, Dr. Kip and I run the office. Dr. Kip opened this office a few years ago and when I graduated med school and did my internship I came here. Dr. Hale came in a bit before I did. Do you know him?"

"Yes and no. I know who he is, I've met him once. His sister was married to my best friend."

"Jacob Black. They're not married anymore?"

I hesitated. "He…uh, he's the family tragedy."

Her eyes sparked. "Oh! Is that where Jasper is, with his sister? How do you know?"

"I was there when he died, I told her."

"Oh, no. I am so sorry." I gave her a curt nod. "Wow that is shocking, poor girl they were so in love."

"Yeah." I said in monotone.

She let out a soft sigh. "Well, that is a pity. What brings you here?"

"My colonel wants me to have an evaluation."

"I know that, but why are _you_ here? Do you have reason to believe you need to be here?"

Sure I did but I wasn't sure if I wanted her to know that. I felt as if she was playing mind games with me, because her one sentence made me really think about the situation.

She smiled. "Relax I don't judge, that's not my job. I also won't tell anyone, it's doctor patient confidentiality."

"Dr. Hale, Jasper, mentioned post traumatic stress disorder."

Her brow rose ever so slightly. "I see. Let me ask you some questions. Have you experienced a truly traumatic event? I know it may be a rhetorical question what with you being a soldier."

I shrugged. "I guess…My second tour we were in a city. It was simply guarding and supervising. We heard someone fire and it was man, he ran into a home. They all looked so similar. I saw him and alerted the others. Shots were fired again and we couldn't go in so we threw a grenade in. When we walked in we realized it had not been that home, this home was filled with children all under the age of 10. They were all dead and it was my fault because I made a mistake."

"Do you dream about it? Do you replay the event in you head?"

If only she knew that everyday I never failed to recall that day, both in my sleep and consciousness. "I have this image imprinted into my memory."

"What is your sate of mind throughout the day? Do you feel happy, at peace or anxious and paranoid? Do you find it difficult to be around others?"

I sighed heavily and brushed my hair back. "Unfortunately everything you say is true. There something wrong with me, right? There is something very wrong with me. I am sick." I whispered.

"It's not your fault."

"Do not lie to me like I am child."

She rose from her chair and came to sit on the chair next to me. "You're not sick, Edward. This happens, and you're neither the first nor the last soldier to develop this. This is not uncommon but you have to let me help you, you have to tell me everything in order for me to help you." She took my hand in hers. Her hands were soft and warm against mine. "This isn't the end of the world, you can be normal. You can make it."

I got up sliding my hand away. "I can't be in the army this way. It's over, five years later and I'm broken. That's great, simply spectacular."

"Hey don't say that. You're not broken."

"I will have to have an early medical retirement. I'll have an _'honorable discharge'_. I'm pretty sure that means I'm broken. They try to pretty it up but that is the reality."

"You have to admit being a soldier isn't as sweet and they paint it out to be. Look at it as a chance at another life. You can try to be someone you want to be. I know that you won't be able to continue your career as a soldier. I have diagnosed this far too many times for me to count. I have diagnosed this enough times for me to assure you that this isn't the end of your life. this is just the beginning of new you. This doesn't make you weak." She assured me.

"Then why does it feel like I'm so much less than they are. They can continue being in the army whereas I cannot. I failed." I laughed bitterly.

"You are not the only one, one in eight soldiers come back with that disorder. You showed courage by seeking help, they should admire you because I do." She looked up at me compassionately. "Most are afraid and you came which is great. I am sorry about what has happened to you, you can surpass this and if you'd like I can help you. It doesn't seem severe, you came in the nick of time."

I looked at the time behind her. It was four o' clock. "I have to go."

She went to her desk and printed out a couple sheets of paper. "Again I am sorry for everything. This is your evaluation and the diagnoses. You show four of the symptoms. Firstly you re-experience the event, you have anxiety, I'm sure you also evade the places that may bring you memories and your body also reacts to this all. Correct me, please, if I am wrong."

I stared at her and said nothing for a while. "You're right." I replied lowly.

She put the papers into an envelope. "I can continue seeing you if you like. I would like to talk to you a bit more and figure out a treatment plan. I want you to realize that you can go beyond this. If I am not at your pleasing Dr. Kip actually specializes in trauma. If you want to make an appointment with either of us, talk to Ruth at the front desk. I really enjoyed talking to you." She gave me the envelope and I stepped out of her office.

"Would you like to schedule an appointment?" The receptionist, Ruth asked.

I thought about it and made my decision instantly. "Yes." I approached. "Might as well." I muttered under my breath.

"Which doctor, Dr. Hale, Dr. Kip or Dr. Taylor?"

"Taylor, Dr. Taylor." I replied. I knew that I shouldn't have said that for a number of reasons. Some included the fact that she attracted me, she was breathtaking, another because she was not the trauma specialist. Yep, I shouldn't have said her name, too late now.

I gave her the information I needed before I left.

When I arrived at Bella's door it was unlocked. I walked in and I found her right where I left her. She was curled up on the sofa only now she clutched onto a frame. She held it tightly against her chest.

I pried it out of her hands and I picked her up very carefully to take her to her bedroom. I made it to the bed without dropping her. Once I put her down she awoke. Her eyes were puffy and red.

I wasn't sure what to say to her. "Jake is with my mom and sister."

She sat up and tears didn't fail to escape her. "I can't stop. Jasper left half past three. Sometimes I think that you're really lying to me." She said hopefully.

"I wish I was lying. Bella I was there."

"Did he say anything?"

Suddenly I remembered the letter that was in my pocket. I took out the letter that he had written and handed it to her. "He wrote it, ironically, before he died back at camp. He asked me to give it to you."

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**I'm on a roll. I have chapter twelve and thirteen written, and they just need to be edited. If you are interested in reading some more do share your enthusiasm or interest. **

**PS. How do we like my new character, Dr. Julia Taylor, she has a purpose, well two actually? Tell me what you think about her. **

**~Toodles.**


	12. Crashing Down

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human  
**Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2007  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – I have to say Mat Kearney is a very talented artist and I love this song**

_These back steps are steeper to the ground  
The brightest stars are falling down  
I'm walking the edge  
I'm walking the tightest rope  
And we can be frank  
Reality rips on through rolling like a hurricane  
I'm over the bridge and under the rain_

_If everything's falling, if everything's changed  
If I'm in the open, if I'm in the way  
What am I doing here if you're not with me  
What have I got to live for if it's just my own dream  
Take it back to the beginning, back to the start  
Gravity's pulling, you're still holding my heart  
You come crashing down, crashing down  
_–_**Crashing Down, Mat Kearney**_

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**Crashing Down**

**BPOV (Bella)**

I took the letter from him and folded it. The pain inside me never seemed to let down, it only go worse and worse. I felt this absence and this void that no one could fill, I felt a broken heart. My love, my first love was gone and it hurt so badly. I felt as if I were going to fall apart. I wanted to give up on life but I couldn't, I would have to give up on Jake and that was something that I was never going to do.

I began to read the letter. _(A/N – consider listening to Warren Zevon's Keep Me In Your Heart while you read the letter.)_

_Bella, my one and only love, I will never stop loving you, not even in death. Obviously if you hold this in your hands I'm gone. I'm sorry that I didn't make it. I know you so well, Isabella. You are persistent and you won't give it up, you will hold onto my memory and I don't want that. I want you to find a little place in your heart and keep me there, keep me in your heart for a while. Live and love and laugh. You can continue life and when it's all over I'll meet you wherever it is that we go. There is only one way I can find to explain to you the situation. Remember the song I told you my dad used to play all the time when my mother died? Well listen to the son because "If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less" if anything I love you more, you have made my life so great and I don't want you to hurt, "When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun, Keep me in your heart for awhile"  
_  
_It hurts so bad, I don't want to leave you. I don't want to leave my son, my baby boy. He never knew me and now he never will. Please, Bella, don't let him forget me. Remind him that I wasn't a bad man, that I did something good in life and that I loved him every day of his life. Tell him I am sorry for not being there the day he begins to talk, the day he rides his bike, his first day of school, and the day he graduates. I am so sorry, I so wish that I could be there._

_There is one last thing I want you to do for me. Don't forget me, don't forget that I loved the most, and don't forget that no one will ever love you like I did. "Sometimes when you're doing simple things around the house Maybe you'll think of me and smile. You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse." When you miss me think of my love for you, I will be right next you. Keep me in your heart for a while, not all your life because I don't want you to live on a memory. You can't live on my memory, it's not healthy. I want to assure you that if you ever find someone that you grow to love, you should go for it, you're young and beautiful and you deserve something more than a memory. I want you happy and I understand upon my death I can't offer you happiness. _

_I love you more than you will ever know, and this separation hurts me so deeply. I wanted to be there. I will make Edward promise me he will be there for you, I know I shouldn't but I can trust him. It's his last favor for me. I know he will keep to it. I miss you already._

_With all my love,_

_Jacob_

Tears dripped from my face down to the paper. "He's really gone." I whispered. I covered my face with my hands. I got up off the bed and tried to take a deep breath. "You don't have to do this." I said in an unsteady voice. "You don't have to be here, I can figure it out." I lied, I really couldn't do it. I was kidding myself.

He pulled off his glasses which revealed his pain stricken eyes. "You can't." He walked closer to me. "Let me help you, I know you need me. He told me you would need me and he knew you better than anyone. I need to relief myself of this guilt, I feel so bad for you and I wish that I could've done something." I feel into his chest and he wrapped his arms around me.

I needed to feel something and though it didn't compare to Jacob's touch I felt comforted by Edward's presence. I soon pulled away and retreated a corner of the room where I tortured myself by replaying the same, _Keep Me in Your Heart, _song. Edward sat apposite me on the other side of the room and he eventually dozed off. I composed myself enough to open the closet to grab a blanket. I paused to drape over Edward, he was probably exhausted and I felt bad for him. He had so much pressure upon him. I then cried myself into a deep sleep.

**EPOV (Edward)**

My body shuddered at the scenes that ran through my head. They were like scenes from a horror movie. I knew that it was a dream I knew the reality to an extent but I couldn't take myself out of the horror of that place. Suddenly my head took me back to the place where Jacob died. I recalled the despair and the desolation that consumed him minutes before his death. The guilt took its time but eventually it formed inside my body. How could he as a child save my life but I as a man couldn't save his?

A spasm of pain of fear of guilt ran through, it was enough to shake me awake. I found myself leaning against a wall while Bella, opposite from me, was leaned against the night table and asleep. Outside the sun was hidden and the moon exposed. I hadn't realized how long I had been here. I also found myself covered with a fleece blanket. My entire body ached both from my previous injury and from the way I was positioned.

I struggled to get to my feet. I hadn't taken my pain medication so my leg literally felt like it would be less pain if I chopped it off. I walked – limped – over to her bed.

She mumbled something that I couldn't decipher. I covered her up and headed home.

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I quietly entered into my house, my parents were asleep. I went up to my room a dropped off my duffel bag then went to Alice's room. It was now nearly ten. "You're back."

"Where's Jake?" I asked.

She turned to flip the switch to her medusa lamp. "He's tired but restless, something's wrong with him."

I walked inside and saw him curled up crying on Alice's bed. "I'll take him, thanks Alice I really appreciate it."

She smiled. "No problem, I want to help her though I don't know her, I know the pain can't be pleasant. Sorry in advance. I have a meeting in the morning with a client. I can't help you in the morning. I can take him in the afternoon."

I nodded. "It's okay Alice. I'm supposed to take care of him."

She looked at me disapprovingly. She was obviously younger than me but she acted otherwise. "Don't be obsessive about this." She warned.

I chose not to fight her with this. "What did mom say?"

"She says she knows you want to evade her and dad but that eventually you're going to have to talk to her, and she knows that you'll postpone it as much as possible. She also went to Billy's today and she and dad broke the news to him. She wanted to lighten your load. Billy says that he is deeply hurt by what happened but that he's not upset with fate. He felt that his son lived a life full of happiness and he said you were a good friend. He hopes to see you this Sunday." It sounded just like Billy to say that, I was relieved that I didn't have to tell him, it was enough to witness the pain of a wife I can't imagine the pain of a father.

"I'll see you tomorrow Alice. Call me when you're done so you can take him and I can go check on Bella."

She agreed. "Edward listen to me, you don't have to do this so vigorously, you're taking on too much. You're taking on a child that's not yours, you're taking care of a deeply hurt wife who has just lost her husband, and I saw those forms in the car. Think about your mental stability." I flinched at her last sentence.

"I have to do this, Alice. I have to do this for me. I have to repay him for what he did for me nineteen years ago, he saved my life and I couldn't do the same for him. I have to take care of his family the way he would've. I know that if it had been me in that situation he would've done the same. Alice I have to do this or I won't ever let myself live."

"Think about picking back up in art. You said you'd like to do something with your art degree. Maybe work at a gallery or something. You love art, it relaxes you, and you need to relax. I mean you finished college in between the tours maybe –"

I sighed. "Let's not do this. I don't have the energy right now. I'll do what I have to when I have to." I picked up Jake with his blanket and took him to my room.

I rocked him in my arms trying to calm him. He eventually stopped crying. "Jake, its okay, I'm going to take care of you, mommy is okay. She told me to tell you she loves so much, you'll be fine. I'm going to be here." I promised him, it didn't much to a one year old but one day it would. I wrapped him up in the blanket and carried him in my arms around my bedroom. After about half an hour he fell asleep, I was thankful for that.

I laid him in the center of the bed and went to the bathroom to take a shower. I searched in my duffel bag for the bottle of pills. I took them longing for relief.

In the shower I noticed that the wound had turned a nasty red. The medication was not taking effect. After I was done I put the bandage back on the wound though it didn't look good at all.

After I was done, I fell asleep in the warm comforts of my own home and in my bed. Before my nightmares woke me a small hand on my face awoke me. I groaned and sat up. He looked up at me expectantly, as if I was supposed to do something.

"Momma."

Before I could answer there was a knock at my door. I got to my feet and I answered the door, Alice already perfectly dressed stood waiting. "Let me get him ready for you before I go."

"How do you know so much about kids?" I asked wondering how she made it yesterday.

"Kitty, my roommate from New York has a little girl, don't you remember?"

I shook my head. "No idea what you're talking about but I'm glad it served you well." I handed him over to her and I brushed my teeth and put on some jeans and a shirt. I wasn't going to be a soldier anymore, why bother with the dress code. Colonel won't mind my appearance.

Downstairs my father sat eating breakfast. "Good morning."

"Good morning father." I replied.

"There's definitely something wrong when you speak to me that way." He replied looking up from the newspaper.

"Dad –"

"Edward, you're my son. I know the words you're about to utter. 'I don't want to talk about it' or 'Not now.' I've had about twenty four years to get used to you, when you're ready I'm all ears. We both understand and we will wait until you are ready to talk."

Both my parents saw the limp in my step. It was a challenge trying to assure I was fine, it was harder due to the fact that it's hard to lie about an injury to a pair medically oriented parents. I managed to calm my mother's nerves. My father seemed the least convinced. "If you need your wound checked out come by the hospital."

"I'm fine." I lied. It was actually extremely painful.

"Good luck Edward, I'll meet you at Starbucks so I can take Jake for the afternoon. And no it doesn't bother me. Jacob was my friend as well. I can help and I'm glad too." She either knew me too well or she just knew what my comment was about to be.

After Alice left and I got Jake fed I went down to the Colonel's office. It was like pulling off a band-aid, if I did it fast it'll hurt less. That and I got the chance to make him feel culpable for what he did by bringing Jake. He should feel responsible for what happened.

I took Jake in one arm and brought the envelope that Julia gave me in my free hand. I didn't bother asking the secretary if he was in, my time here was pretty short. I opened the door and found him typing on his computer. "Private Cullen."

"I have what you asked for." I plopped the envelope before him. He opened it and read it carefully.

"I do lament the outcome."

"That's a relief," I replied sarcastically. "So when do I get the boot?"

His face hardened. "You get an honorable discharge." He argued as if it was any better.

"Same thing, so when, so I can I get it over with?"

"I can have them ready next week."

"Good and by the way, this is him."

He shot me a look of confusion. "Him who?"

"The child you left fatherless, I ask myself how you sleep at night. You gave him no choice and that's something I won't ever let down. It's better when you're not my superior."

"If I must remind you that day hasn't arrive quite yet, private."

"It will, I do hope next time you make the right decision. It's one thing when we go willingly. It's another when we're left with no choice. One hell hole or another, jail or Iraq, that's a nice pair to choose from."

"What would you have done?" He challenged.

I scoffed. "Not force someone to deploy forcefully, you were conscience in what he risked."

"Its war, you all risk it."

"You can twist the situation all you want but the point of the matter is that he didn't want to go, he wanted to sign off and you prohibited him that. That was your fault and you can't twist that."

He paused and looked at the child in my arms. "Edward I have to do what I have to do."

"Evidently that means destroying lives. Its not me you should want to explain yourself to, it is he who judges us, because it's someone, despite whatever you believe. Good day, colonel. I'll be here next week." I muttered as I walked out of the office and out of the building to the car. I had to admit to myself it was harder than I let him see. It hurt to leave knowing I didn't leave at my own will. I left because I was not capable of fulfilling my duty and that punctured my ego. For many years the army was my way of life and now I'm not sure what to do with myself.

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**The reviews mean a lot. Love ya! It's long because I had to reorganize three chapters into two. The next one is called **_**The Ballad of a Bitter End**_**.**

**By the way a fellow reader, **_**Twilighter80 **_**wrote a songfest for Just a Dream (take the spaces out from the link):**

http://www. fanfiction. net/s/4808972/24/Twilight_Songfics

**~Toodles.**

**PS. I hope to hear from ya'll, one word will suffice. It helps me keep going.**


	13. Bitter End

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Bella  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2007  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – The funeral would've been here but I wanted to give ya'll some history on Bella and Jacob and I adore this song.**

_Whisper soft  
Whisper low  
Tell me things I shouldn't know  
With you I want to grow_

_If this is love  
It hangs in doubt  
It'll kill you or me  
If we come out_

_Talk to me again  
Please talk for me again_

_You've drawn a breath  
From my soul  
Then you gave me life  
And made me whole  
Forever_

_And when it ends, as it must end  
I'll write a book, the saddest book  
And it will be our story  
The ballad of a bitter end  
The bitter end  
The bitter end  
_–_**Ballad of a Bitter End, The Poems**_

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**The Bitter End**

**BPOV (Bella)**

I woke up to an empty bed. Beside me there was nothing but emptiness and the constant reminder that I was not only a widow but a single mother. The next day was not easier. I was not emotionally capable of taking care of myself much less of my son. I felt guilty for putting so much pressure on Edward because whether Jacob asked or not he has no responsibility to me. I know there is something wrong with him, something very wrong and with this it can only get worse. The thing was that I couldn't make it on my own. I needed someone to keep me together for my baby.

I sat up against the headboard and brought my knees to my chest. I longed for this to be a horrible dream but I knew it wasn't. I got out of bed and went to the living room, in the center table I found a black box next to an envelope torn in half. The envelope was what the military gave the families of fallen soldiers. I now understood why Edward tore it in half. I opened the box and inside was the Purple Heart. This meant nothing to me, it merely symbolized my husband was killed by a foreign bullet. That didn't help me. It didn't bring my husband back.

I put the black box on a shelf where his pictures were as I reached up to place it in a shelf it came tumbling down. I bent down to pick it up and I noticed an album pulled out too far. My guess was that Jake had been playing around here. I picked up the box and pulled out the album. I decided to torture myself.

The first picture that caught my eye was one taken at a ceremony at Fort Hood. It was a ceremony in honor of the troops from Afghanistan. Jacob had been on tour, he was just returning. I was in college and my friend Angela, who attended the same college as I, and I decided that it would be a good event to take pictures.

I remember the first day I saw him.

"_Private Jacob Black." The man, who I believed to be the colonel, announced. "In the name of our country I thank you for your service and offer you the Global War on Terrorism Service Medal." A tall muscular tanned guy joined the colonel. _ _He had dark eyes and he wore this boyish smile. His hair was cropped short. He was not over a year older than I. I took the camera and snapped a photo of the medal being pinned to this uniform. He lingered on the stage for a moment longer and so did my eyes. _ "_You're slobbering." Angela teased. _ _I scowled. "Ugh, no….not really."_ "_Liar, I see you looking at him. He's definitely easy on the eyes and what girl doesn't like a man in uniform?" She let out a brief giggle. _ _I sighed. "Fine, I admit it! He's not bad."_ "_Not bad! Look at him, he's very good looking and, he's looking over here!" She whispered. _ _He had walked back to his seat and he was in fact looking at me. I wasn't hard to miss. Angela and I were in the media section. We got permission from the colonel to take the pictures. He smiled at me and sat down. _ _When the ceremony was over we walked through the families of soldiers, they all congratulated their spouses, their siblings or their friends. _ "_Talk to him." Angela urged me. _ "_I think he has better things to do than to talk to a random girl who took a picture of him." The truth was that I was intimidated, he seemed like a nice guy but I felt very insignificant. I was certain I had insecurity issues. _ "_He's right there." She gestured towards a group of soldiers gathered. "Go!"_ "_What, no are you crazy?"_ _She linked her arm on mine and pulled me over to them. I tried to pull away but she was freakishly strong. When we reached them she gave me slight push so that I would bump into him but classical me had to trip over absolutely nothing and fall back. I was caught by two strong arms before I hit the ground. He had caught me and pulled me back to my feet. _ _He smiled. "Are you okay?"_ _I looked like a clumsy mute. I laughed nervously. "Sorry." I managed to say._ "_No worries, no harm done. Did you get a good shot?"_ _I raised my brow in confusion. "W-w"_ _He eyed my camera. "I assume you took a picture of me."_ _I felt my face redden. "Yeah, I did."_ "_How did I look?" He asked a bit cocky. _ "_I…don't know yet." I smiled nervously. _ "_How about you give me call and tell me how that picture turned out?" _ _I said nothing. "She'd love to." Angela interjected. "You have to pardon her, she's shy."_ "_In that case how about you give me yours, you may forget." Neither one of us had realized his hand was still on my arm. We realized this in a split second and he instantly dropped his hand. He reached into his pocket and handed me his phone. I put in my number and my name feeling very awkward but it was happy awkward. _ _I gave him back the phone and he glanced at it briefly before shutting it. "Bella I'll call you."_

I wiped my tears and took a deep breath then flipped the page to a picture where Jacob held a ring up to me. I remembered this day so well. It was beautiful proposal, so thoughtful and so sincere.

_Jacob had told me this morning that Angela had asked us to go over for lunch. We drove down the familiar street and he passed her house. "Jacob you missed it."_

"_No this is it, go inside." He placed his hand on the small part of my back and walked me inside. The door was unlocked inside there was a crowd of people. The house was empty except for the dozens and dozens of white roses. In the crowd stood my parents, my brother, Angela and her boyfriend/fiancée. His father and two friends, Embry and Quil joined the crowd. "These are most of the people that mean the most to us. They shall be our witnesses."_

"_To what?" I whispered. _

"_To me, to my adoration towards the woman who makes me whole, to the woman I wish to marry if so she chooses to. You are what makes me come home everyday, you are my light and you are what my soul yearns for." He lowered himself to one knee. "Every day I wake up to see you smile and to see you happy. I am confident that what I feel is mutual. Isabella –"_

"_Yes!"_

"_I haven't even asked, you don't know what you're agreeing to."_

"_It's not hard to figure out, unless I really am wrong." I got down to the floor to meet his eyes. "I love you so much. I can't imagine a life without you."_

"_It's a good thing you're not wrong." He reached into his pocket and revealed a tiny black box. "My dear Isabella, are you willing to marry me? I want to make sure you really want to do this because I am conscience that being an army wife may not be your dream and if you say no then I will completely understand. But I promise you forever, I promise to give you everything I have to give, forever. Will you marry me?"_

"_Yes." _

"_Really?" He asked as if I were kidding. _

_I nodded. "Really, my dream is to be married to you and if I have to suffer a bit, it'll be worth it."_

The same day he revealed to me that that was the home we were to start a family in. It was a wonderful day, it was an unforgettable day. That day he promised me forever and forever has come to an agonizing end, it seemed to be the end of my existence.

I remembered every moment of our life, from the day we met to the day he left on his final tour. I skipped over the wedding, I couldn't bear to look at what we used to be, I could bear to look at the happiness I had lost.

I reached a picture of when I was pregnant with Jake. Jacob was ecstatic and he was so afraid that he would leave before he was born. I told him there was no possible was I could be pregnant for 11 months. I tried to tell him that he would be here. He had gotten a leave and he was working at Fort Hood with the new recruits coming in.

_I sat in the living room with photographs sprawled around me. I was finishing up a portfolio for my class starting next fall. I was joined by Jacob. He picked up a picture that I took a while back. It was a picture of him training with another group of soldiers. The picture was centered on him and de-saturated (black and white). I loved it…he didn't love it quite so much. _

"_Really?" He asked. _

"_There is nothing wrong with this picture, Jacob."_

_He shrugged. "Only the fact that I'm in it."_

"_And you look beautiful and so pretty." I teased._

_He chuckled. "That's exactly what I want to avoid. You're pretty; guys aren't pretty or beautiful in the least."_

"_Fine, you are handsome in a very pretty way."_

"_Well at least it boosts my confidence. You're going to be a great mom." He laid his hand on my stomach, I was 8 months pregnant and he was so anxious for the birth._

"_I hope so." The baby nudged the area where his hand was placed. _

"_Hi baby." He began to have an entire conversation with the baby, it really made me so happy to see him this enthusiastic. Every night he'd lay his hand on my stomach calming the baby so that I could sleep. Jacob loved this baby from the day we found out of his existence, he loves him so dearly though he's never laid eyes on him or her. We had decided to surprise ourselves. _

The memories had become so painful, for days I sat in a hole of pity crying myself to sleep every night. Every day I flipped the pages in the album of my own torture. Edward was determined to keep me going, despite everything in me wanting to let go, he reeled me back in each time. Sometimes I wondered where my son was but I had enough trust in Edward, he would never leave my son in harms way. Sometimes I noticed his pain, it was a pain I couldn't decipher and it was something very apart from mourning or physical, though he was in physical pain, it was another kind of pain. When he was with me he was silent and simply offered me his presence, which was all I could handle. The pain was too great to speak or to even move from one place to another. In every inch of my home Jacob lingered and it hurt to remember what I would never have again. I remembered his smile and his caring ways. I remembered the day he first made love to me. I remembered it all and part of me wished I didn't.

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**I actually really enjoyed writing this chapter and I love the song from this chapter, it inspired me to write the flashback and I picked some of the better memories.**

**Next chapter is the funeral and everyone will be there except of course Emmett who is still in Iraq but everyone else will be there. Review so I can write it faster.**

**Happy Twilight DVD release…night, LOL. I wish I could've gone to the release in Dallas,Tx (though they turned out not to even be IN THE COUNTY) we had two locations that a start is going to appear but they released the info way late and the places are like over an hour each. I still wonder who came Texas. By bets are on….Catherine in Frisco and Jackson in Allen, IDK. Please review! I KNOW you're reading, LOL**

**~Toodles.**


	14. The Thunder

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward and Bella  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2007  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – This song was featured on Grey's anatomy, it is a GREAT song and too long to post the whole thing, but check it out.**

_Black crows circling up above  
Crying out, do you hear that sound  
I never thought it'd come to this  
Paradise raised to the ground_

_Sometimes I don't sleep at night  
I hear the wind in the morning trees  
I wonder how my child will fair with wars and bombs and thieves.  
A thunder has begun_

_Some are blind but choose to see  
Fly's into the truth they weave  
Some put their trust in faith  
Some say I don't believe_

_Each man unto himself  
Is an island in a raging sea  
With a boat to anchor sail all__ but two which will it leave  
–__**A Storm is Going to Come, Piers, Faccini**_

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**The Thunder **

**EPOV (Edward)**

"Alice, please don't dress her up like a doll. I ask you to bring her a change of clothes." I begged. I was sure despite my requests she would bring her a designer outfit.

"Edward come one…you know me." I eyed her. "It's what I do but I will be subtle." I didn't trust her to be subtle but I didn't really have too many options.

"It's a funeral_ keep_ it subtle." I warned.

"Edward I know that. I'll be there at in an hour." She handed me a small bag. "This is for Jake."

"Thank –" I was interrupted by my phone. "Hold on." I told her and answered it. "Hello."

"Edward." A familiar voice answered but I couldn't put a name to it. "It's Jasper." He clarified.

"Oh, yeah it's me."

"Do you mind if I take Jake this morning and meet you and Bella at the service?"

"Uh…sure, yeah. Actually come by and Alice, my sister will be here with him. I have to go check on Bella."

"It seems you're the only one who keeps her going, she won't listen to me and apparently she listens to you. I appreciate what you do for her and my nephew, if she would let me do it I would."

Bella didn't really listen to me, I was persistent and I never let her go. She wanted to give it all up but I refused to let her, which was all I did. "I don't mind." It's what I have to do for my sanity, I added mentally.

"You met Julia." He stated. I walked away from Alice and into the hall.

"Yes, a few days ago."

He was silent for a couple moments. "I read your file, and look I shouldn't have, I do apologize. It wasn't her fault, I took your file and I read it, sorry."

"Ah….It doesn't matter, it's fine I guess."

"I'm glad you decided to come."

"Me too."

"What did your colonel say?" He asked.

"Honorable discharge." I said bitterly. "Hey don't say anything to anyone, my family doesn't know yet. My sister only knows I visited the office but doesn't know about the discharge."

"Yeah sure, I am sorry about stealing your file."

"It's…okay." It didn't really bother me, he pretty much knew all along. The hard part was telling my family everything. I was putting it off for as long as I could. "Alright well, I'm going to go to Bella's and Alice will be here."

"Alright, bye."

"Bye." I hung up and told Alice that Jasper would be coming over to get Jake.

I was already dressed. Colonel suggested that I wear my uniform and I agreed. I should wear it one last time. I drove to Bella's house and I let myself in, she was bad about locking the door.

I found her sitting at the table still in her pajamas. "Good morning."

She turned and forced a small smile that quickly faded. "Hi." She said nothing for a long moment. "I have nothing to wear." She whispered.

"I know. My sister will take care of it." I assured her.

"You seem to know a lot."

"Knowing and assuming are very different things."

She shrugged. "They serve the same purpose."

"Perhaps."

She looked around herself. "I feel so lost, I don't know what to do anymore. When he was gone I always knew that he was coming back but now I know he isn't and it's hard to handle that. I could tell my son in a few months his father would be back but now what do I say? I have no hope."

"Is your son no hope at all? He misses you and you are strong you can keep it together. It's hard losing…your way of life" I knew that feeling all too well, "but you can do it. You can live, if not for you, for your son."

"You're good."

"I wish that were true, I can't even take care of myself. I try though. You're going to be okay, I know you are."

Eventually Alice arrived. I opened the door for her. "Hello, I'm Alice Cullen." Alice has been known to be very affectionate. She gave her a big hug. "I offer my condolences."

"Thank you."

She handed Bella the bag. "Edward mentioned you might need something, it's not actually made by me but it'll work."

Bella took a deep breath. "Okay, I'll be ready in a minute." She said as composed as possible. She retreated to her room and left Alice and I alone.

"She looks so…broken, it hurts me to see her that way, and I don't even know her."

I sighed. "I know, he loved her so much and she loved him back with the same intensity."

"She's nothing like her brother." She commented. "He's a very nice guy."

"She's nice but who can be nice in her situation."

"I know that but I think they have distinct personalities."

Before our conversation could continue Bella reemerged. She wore black dress pants, and a dark button up shirt. "I'm ready."

"I forgot the coat, it's in the car." Alice said with a sigh and stepped out, within seconds she returned with a dark coat, it was button up and had a tie up belt. "I guessed on the size."

"It fits fine." Bella replied. "We can go…is Jasper with Jake?" I nodded. "Good." She picked up her purse and keys. I asked for the keys and locked the door behind us. Bella rode with me and Alice met us at the cemetery. It was to be held outdoors, it was not so cold. It was Texas it could either be mildly cold or bitter cold and today it was tolerable.

The families surrounded the area. This was the worst feeling I had ever had, I saw weeping mothers and fathers, and wives and children. I saw Rosalie and I briefly left Bella. "How is he?" She asked. Her blonde hair tied into a bun, she looked less like herself without Emmett.

"Not a scratch on him." I promised her just as he had asked me to.

She forced a smile and looked over to Bella who was speaking to Juan. "I can't imagine her pain."

"I am sure it is far worse than it appears." I knew that I would never know her pain, her hear was broken and I have had about three girlfriends. Tanya was who lasted the longest, for about a year in high school before she broke up with me. She said she refused to stand by me as I got shot at. I decided that I was better off without her, I hadn't seen her since. "Well I'm going to go."

When I joined her I saw that she tried to ignore the scene before her. She finally looked up to the front and saw the flag covered caskets, there were three soldiers. Her eyes saw his picture. "Oh god" Bella covered her face with her hands. She hadn't even made it to the casket. I led the rest of the way. Her tears turned into sobs when we reached the area. "Jacob, I miss you, so so _much_." I stood behind her with my hands behind my back unable to look at her for much longer. A knot formed at the base of my throat and my eyes stung with tears. I wanted to hold it in with all my might but it was impossible. It felt like my brother died.

It wasn't long before Jasper and Jake joined us, to my surprise he was followed by Julia. Bella immediately took Jake from Jasper. Jake's attention was caught by Jacob's picture. "Daddy!" He pointed at the picture.

**BPOV (Bella)**

"Daddy!" Jake lifted his small finger to point at the picture. His innocence hurt so much, I had to tell him. I couldn't lie to my son. I couldn't watch hope rise in him so that it could be chattered by reality later on.

"Baby, daddy is not here anymore." My voice cracked but I took a deep breath and attempted to continue. It was so hard to give him reality, I wanted him to always know because it would be better this way.

"You don't have to do this." Edward murmured behind me.

"Yes I do." I replied in a hard voice. "I won't lie to my son." I turned my attention back to Jake. "Daddy is gone, he's not coming back. Daddy was taken away from us and…I'm sorry. I'm sorry baby." His expression saddened and I could swear he understood what I was telling him. "He loved you so much, baby, daddy will always be with you." I took his hand placed it on his chest. "He's going to watch over you everyday."

"Yes he will." A new voice said. I turned to find Esme and Carlisle approaching with Billy with Embry and Quil. "He will always be with you my son." Billy continued.

"I'm sorry I didn't call." I managed to choke out. "It was so hard, it's hard now."

Billy's face was pained but he did not cry. "I know Bella, believe me I know what it feels like to lose it all. When my wife died it hurt but I got through it for Jacob, you should do the same."

I nodded as new tears flowed down my face. "I have to try."

"You made him so happy, he loved you so much. From the day he met you he knew that you were something special."

"Well, I appreciate the words of motivation."

"Bella, Carlisle and I will always be here, if you need us. He was like our son." Esme said softly.

Carlisle nodded. "Yes, if life were only fair we'd all be happy but as it happens life is anything but fair. Whatever you need, we are your family." I needed a family, Jasper was all I had left and two people didn't make up a family.

Jake had become somber in my arms and he laid his head on my shoulder but he was not asleep. I excused myself and took a seat. I was surrounded by nothing but sorrow including my own. I sat Jake on my lap and he leaned against my body. Soon I was joined by Angela. "You're back." I said surprised.

She smiled kindly, beside her was Ben, her husband. "I got back a few days ago but I thought you might need some space so I didn't come over. How are you?"

"Not good but I'm still here."

She took a seat beside me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. "You'll be okay, you can survive this."

"I wish it were easier." I murmured. "I guess life just doesn't work that way."

"It seems you're not alone, Jacob didn't leave you to fend for yourself." She looked over to Edward, who was alongside his mother and father. His pixie of a sister stood on his left side.

"He does so much for me, I feel guilty but he says he needs to do it because it's the right thing to do and because he needs to take some weight off himself. He thinks he could've done something when he was shot but I know that he couldn't have, it's just the way things are."

She looked over to Jasper and noticed the girl beside him. "Who is that?"

I shrugged, I didn't quite know myself but I had a guess. "I'm not sure, she came with Jasper, I think she's a doctor at his office, but I can't remember. It's hard to think straight."

"Bella, I'm here if you need me. You are one of my best friends and I lament what happened." I nodded and once again I was alone. She had known me long enough to know that I wanted to suffer alone.

The service was a blur; I didn't listen to a word that was spoken or a cry that was heard. I ignored it all because it was all too excruciating to concentrate on. I was finally reeled back into reality once the burial was in action. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I saw the coffin disappear beneath the ground. The flag was folded up and given to me. I laid a white rose over the newly mounded soil. "I love you and you will always be in my heart, you were my first and only love. Our son will always be conscience of the love you had for him, help me through this, help me heal." I whispered before I decided that there was no reason to linger anymore, I turned on my heel and started for the parking lot.

I was stopped by a shoulder on my hand. I turned and before me stood the colonel with a tortured expression. "Isabella."

"Yes."

"He was a great soldier and a great individual."

"Thank you."

He took a deep breathe, I sensed he wanted to say more. "This his son?" He asked but it didn't really sound like a question.

"Yes, colonel is there something you wish to say."

He shut his eyes tightly before speaking. "I apologize for the position I put Jacob in, I admit that it was wrong of me."

I stared at him blankly, I didn't understand but I didn't want him to know that or he wouldn't continue.

"I left him with an awful decision. I influenced the last tour upon him when I should let him sign off like he wished to." It took me a minute to realize what he was saying.

A rush of anger flared up inside me. Jacob had wanted to sign off but _he_ forced the last tour upon him. "How dare you?!" I demanded. "How dare you ask for an apology?" I was sure I was being loud because both Edward and another soldier – Juan I believe – turned.

"I didn't know he'd die." Both Edward and Juan came to my side.

"That doesn't matter, you are a sorry excuse for a husband and a man. How could you? You know the pain of separation, you knew him well and you knew me and yet you made him go. Whether you knew or not, what you did was inexcusable and unforgivable. I lost my husband when he could've been safe at home. You destroyed my world, and you deprived my son from a father. Don't ask for forgiveness because you will never get it!"

Finding out about this only intensified my pain, Jacob and I had a chance, we had a real chance. Edward took Jake and the flag I clutched onto and gave him to Juan. "Bella listen to me, as much as I'd like to believe it, what he did was a horrible mistake. It was a mistake regardless, whether you blame him or not won't change a thing, he's gone and nothing will bring him back."

"You knew, you knew he was signing off. Why didn't you tell me?" I demanded.

"He told me minutes before he slipped away and I didn't want to tell you because of this. I knew it would hurt more if you thought you had a chance. That was probably why he didn't tell you in the first place. It made things worse."

"I deserved to know."

"Do you feel better?" He asked and I shook my head. "Then there was no point in you knowing."

The colonel cleared his throat. "Isabella I am truly sorry, I don't know what do for you."

"I think you should leave, Colonel" Edward suggested. Once he left Juan gave Jake back to me and Edward took the flag.

"Good luck." Juan said wholeheartedly. "He was a selfless soldier and he will be missed." He gave me an encouraging smile and walked away.

He was the first person not to say the word 'sorry.' "Come on let me take you home." Edward said softly as he guided me away.

I glanced to the burial site once more whispering my last good byes. I held onto Jake tightly, he was only hope. He was my future.

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**Next chapter will be called, Somewhere Over the Rainbow, but it will be fast forwarded, it won't be sad I promise. The title is happy. Please review, it's very helpful, let me know whether or not you liked it.**

**~Toodles.**


	15. Somewhere Over The Rainbow

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward and Bella  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Summer of 2008  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – This song was performed on Dancing With the Stars last week by Jewel, it's so peaceful. NOTE THE NEW TIME SETTING!!!**

_Somewhere over the rainbow  
Way up high  
There's a land that I heard of  
Once in a lullaby_

_Somewhere over that rainbow  
All skies are blue, oh  
And where dreams  
That you dare to dream  
Yes they do they really do come true_

_Someday I'll wish upon a star  
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me  
And troubles mount like lemon drops  
Way above the chimney tops  
That's where you'll find me_

_Somewhere over the rainbow  
Bluebirds fly, oh  
If birds can fly over the rainbow__  
Why, then why can't I?  
– __**Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Jewel**_

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**Somewhere Over the Rainbow **

**BPOV (Bella)**

The days passed me by ever so slowly. I felt trapped in a false sense of hope. I felt he was coming back, that he was just away for a little bit longer. Everyone around me continued to live and love and laugh while I just barely got through everyday. Jasper had even started dating some mystery girl no one knew about, he said I knew her but I was stumped.

Alice had turned out to be a very good friend, she was with me all the time cheering me up and Edward was always here with encouraging words for me. Edward adored Jake and Jake loved playing with Edward. When I saw Jake happy I was happy. He spent about four or five days a week here. Edward seemed to have an unlimited amount of time, he was always here and I wondered what was going on with him and the army, it had been nearly a year. I wanted to ask but I never found the courage. He always went somewhere on Wednesday and he never told me where, not that he had to but I was intrigued. Every weekend and on holidays I would take Jake to Billy so that Jake wouldn't forget him and so that Billy could see his son through his grandson. Jake had the same energy for life that Jacob once had.

It was now August 10, 2008. It had almost been a year since his death and it was getting easier now, l was living for my son. I had started teaching spring semester and now I had my own classroom for the fall semester at Killeen High. I was teaching Photography I and II. It was definitely a challenge. High school kids were a whole new species, I never remember myself that crazy and…sexually active. These kids were making out whenever they had the chance either that or they were talking non-stop. Despite that I loved teaching, you got to know them and I got really close to the class last semester, some were encouraged to take II. Five juniors that were now seniors had really grown on me and I believed they had promise and they were just really great individuals. It was great, the creativity and imagination was there, hidden by sometimes an obnoxious teen but nevertheless there.

Jake stayed at home with Esme and Alice helped when she didn't have a client. Edward was there at times, he said he was on leave but I didn't know what to believe. He took classes to get a degree so that he could eventually work as an art director. He was actually in a semi-relationship. It was one I did not approve of, she was a doctor. I mean he should be _seeing_ a doctor not dating one but I kept my mouth shut. It was hard to dislike her because she seemed nice and he liked her a lot. I guess it worked because Julia knew how to handle his emotions. I frequently asked if he ever thought of having an appointment with a doctor, because I never forgot what my brother told me. Jasper said there was something wrong with him and he refused to acknowledge it. He was keeping something from me and he evaded my questions every time I asked.

Jake had officially turned two. It was my last weekend before classes started so I decided to take him to the park. I was meeting Edward there. Jake was never fully satisfied unless Edward was around. Edward didn't mind at all, he loved Jake so much. "Come one baby. Let's put your shoes on so we can go to the park."

He nodded obediently and went to get his shoes. I followed him to his room to make sure he got the right pair. I spotted the third room open again and I went it. I decided I would get a roll of film for my photography II so they could develop it. I found my camera and it had an unfinished roll, I took it and grabbed a new roll just in case.

I put on Jake's shoes and grabbed my purse. In the garage was Jacob's unmoved motorcycle. I never found the will to move it. It hadn't been moved for a couple years actually. The garage opened with the click of the remote. With Jake strapped in his seat I pulled out.

I was meeting Edward at a park midway in between his house and mine. He lived in a house just outside Fort Hood, I lived deep in Killeen. "Eward?" Jake asked. He couldn't quite pronounce his name but I knew what he was asking or who he was asking for.

"Yes baby, he's meeting us in the park." We arrived in at the park at just about noon and I found him there with a familiar woman. She was very pretty and she had long dark straight hair, she was dressed professionally. It was Julia, I remembered her from the funeral she had come with Jasper. They both looked up at my approach. Edward shot me a crooked smile and gave me a quick hug. "Hey." I greeted him.

"Oh, Hello…Julia, right?" I asked.

She smiled sweetly. "Yes, I remember meeting you a while back, Bella."

"Yeah, this is my son Jake." I put him down and he ran over to Edward. He picked him up over his head.

"Yeah, Edward tells me a lot about you. He talks about you and Jake non-stop." An expression overcame her and I was almost certain it was not a pleasant one but she quickly wiped it off her face.

I blushed. "That's a bit embarrassing."

She laughed. "No, he talks so nicely about you. He says great things about you." She sounded like it took a lot out of her to sound sweet and nice.

Edward laughed nervously. "Julia is exaggerating." Jake got down to the ground and pulled at Edward so that he followed him to the play ground. Watching them brought me so much hope. Jake for a long time missed his dad so much and Edward was able to heal his wound and…he mended my torn soul. I always missed Jacob but it was a lot easier with Edward, I noticed he was getting progressively better as in, blending in. Initially many things shocked him and made him flinch and he internally fell apart. I was glad he was getting better. It was beyond me how he was accomplishing that.

Julia and I followed them to the slide. Jake went up the small steps and Edward waited down below. I clicked a picture just as he slid down to Edward's arms. "Edward, I have to get back to work. I'll see you later?"

He put Jake down and he walked over to Julia. He embraced her warmly. I felt the need to turn away, I wasn't sure why. It was sweet but it was upsetting to me. Maybe I was jealous of not having that with someone, maybe it was something else. "I'll see you tonight." He murmured, she smiled and walked to her car.

"She's pretty." I commented.

He shrugged. "That's not exactly why I'm with her. She's smart and sweet, of course it helps that she's attractive."

"I'm happy for you…So I've been meaning to as –" I was interrupted by Jake's call. He wanted to get on the swing.

"You've been meaning to what?" He asked as I bent down to pick him up. I placed him in the child swing and Edward pushed him. I clicked a picture as he swung up.

I hesitated, I always chickened out. _Not today_, I was going to ask today. "Are you ever returning to the army?" I blurted out. His face changed and he became serious. I regretted saying anything at all. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."

He shrugged. "It's excruciating trying to keep a secret. It's been a year, I might as well. I should tell you _and _my family for that matter."

I wasn't following. "What happened?"

"I…I got discharged." He confessed. It seemed painful to utter the words.

"Why?"

He gave Jake another push and ran his fingers through his untidy hair. "I am…mentally unable to fulfill my duties. I have…" He sighed in frustration. "I was diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder."

I gasped. "Edward, why didn't you tell me?" I really thought he trusted me.

"You had so much on your mind."

"I know I am not the biggest help but we could've talked about it. I always noticed something wrong with you and I never asked because…I was kinda scared."

"Scared?"

"I didn't want to upset you."

"Don't worry about it, I'm fine. I went to Jasper's office. I'm talking with one of the doctors. I don't know that it's taking the effect that it should." He said shamefully.

I came to realization. "Julia! Edward what are you doing?"

"I don't know."

"That's not ethical." I said outraged. "You're her patient, that's ridiculous!"

**EPOV (Edward)**

"Probably not," I admitted. "I don't why I'm doing this, I'm fully aware that it's not exactly right. I've just been alone for a long time." I remembered the last relationship I was in, Tanya. She was my 'high school sweetheart' and she dumped me once she realized that I wanted to go into the army. She said that she 'loved me' but wasn't prepared to be an army wife, she said she couldn't take the wait and the pain, it was crap and we both knew it. That was the reason I spent so much time on tour, I didn't want to come home.

Her brown eyes warmed. "That's not fair, you can't say that. I can't be upset with you."

"You're upset?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes. "I consider you…a very close friend, you always have my best interests in mind and I have yours in mine. I don't want you to get into something that's not right, and it's not exactly a healthy relationship."

"I guess you're right but I really like her." Julia was a very unforgettable girl. She understood why I did what I did. She got me and that rarely happens for me, when I'm with her I feel content.

"I'm not going to judge you because only you know how messed up I am. Just be careful. The bliss isn't forever, things change. I should know. The dating fun is only temporary." She said while she snapped a picture of Jake.

"Speaking of dating, do you know who Alice's is seeing?" I asked. Alice had been out with some guy every weekend for months, it was unreasonable. Sometimes he'd pick her up at night when I wasn't home or she'd meet him somewhere.

I asked Bella because she seemed to be getting close to Alice. "I don't even know who my own brother is dating." She scoffed. "I wouldn't know who Alice is seeing. Sometimes she seems like she wants to tell me but then stops, I don't know." I took Jake out of the swing and carried him to the kiddy area, she took the opportunity to snap another picture.

"Jasper is seeing someone?" I asked.

She nodded. "Some mystery girl, it's been like forever and he refuses to tell me, he says I know her. Beats me." She said with a shrug.

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I would really like to hear from everyone, even if it is a short comment. Just to know you read. Also yay me, it's not a sad chapter!!**

**~Toodles**


	16. Only Fooling Myself

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward and Bella  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Summer of 2008  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – **

_Well, now it's etched in stone - That I can't survive alone - You have the missing piece  
That I need so desperately - Yes, I slip away to a day that'll never come  
It's like a splash of water to my face - When I suddenly realize - That you could never find a place  
For me in your eyes, and I don't know why I keep thinking_

_One day I'll turn around - I'll see your hand reach out  
I'm only fooling myself, oh, - But maybe when you smile  
It means you'd stay awhile - Just maybe you'd save me now  
_– _**Only Fooling Myself, Kate Voegele**_

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**Only Fooling Myself**

**BPOV (Bella)**

Alice had asked me to do a favor for her. She wanted me to be her muse. She begged, saying that she would only take my measurements and make dresses so that she could show her clients. I caved, that's why I was at her house. I had already started my classes but I had an off period which made my lunch period longer. She said it wouldn't take long. I parked my car and noticed a car that was just like Jasper's, he was off for lunch but why in the world would he come here? Carlisle was at the hospital, Esme told me she would be out today, Edward was in class and that only left Alice. Why would he come see Alice? The door was open and I walked in. I heard rumbling in the kitchen.

I left Jake in the living room where he played. Esme sometimes dropped him off after I finished work and she and Alice took care of him during the day. I kissed him and I quietly made my way to the kitchen.

When I peeked in I saw exactly why he was here. It made all the sense in the world. I found Alice propped up on the counter and Jasper standing before her with his arms around her. He was all over her. It was a _little_ disturbing to see my brother and my friend that way.

"There's a baby in the next room." I whispered. The look on their faces was priceless, they were caught red-handed. I was laughing it was so funny, not that the situation was funny but their reaction was hysterical.

He immediately detangled himself from her and she jumped off the counter. I managed to stop laughing. "Jasper, firstly I don't think this is what your lunch hour is intended for." I walked over to me and he took a step back. "Secondly, my child is in the next room. Third, why didn't you tell me?!" I hit him on the arm.

"Goodness, relax technically I did tell you I was dating someone you knew. So there." He said triumphantly.

I scoffed. "That hardly narrows it down to Alice. Come on I'm just mad that you didn't tell me, you're dating my friend and you felt the need to hide it, there's something wrong with that."

"Um…I asked him not to tell you." Alice confessed shamefully. "I knew that if we told anyone that there was a chance that my brother would find out, he's…well, he's very protective of me."

"I wasn't going to tell anyone."

"Bella you are the worst liar ever, he was going to find out." Jasper interjected. "Has he asked you about Alice and who she's dating?"

He was so good at his mind games and the fact was that he enjoyed proving me wrong. "Maybe."

"You can't lie, he would've found out."

I sighed. "Are you ever going to tell him? Because to your dismay he will ask again and what do I say, since I'm such a bad liar?"

Alice bit her lip. "I'll tell him, I mean I have to eventually…How about we all have dinner the day after tomorrow?" She suggested. "He can't be too mad with you there."

"What about Jake?" I asked.

"Bring him, it'll be better. I'll confirm it to my parents while I'm at it, they suspect."

I sighed. "Fine but only because I owe you and it's hard to say no." I admitted.

She smiled. "Okay, so I'll just tell him we're having dinner this Friday and you're coming with Jasper and Jake." I nodded. "Good."

"I have to go, Alice. I have an appointment soon, call me." He bent down to kiss her.

I cleared my throat. "This is sweet and all but I really don't care to see my brother making out with one of my friends, it's weird and awkward."

He smiled and pulled back. I had never seen him this way. He was so full of life. That was another reason I couldn't deny them my help, he was my brother and he was happy this way. If I could be there to make Edward less prone to lash out then I would offer my services. "See ya later, Bella."

The phone rang and she went out to get it. It was actually not that weird, they seemed too obvious for each other.

I took the opportunity to ask Jasper about Julia. "Hey, Jasper…the girl who came with you to the funeral…she's a doctor, right?"

"Yeah, she's a psychiatrist in the office, why? You know her."

"She's seeing Edward, right?"

"What do you mean by that?"

I wasn't sure myself. "He told me the other day that he was seeing her, like….in both ways."

He shrugged. "Professionally, yes she's his doctor…personally, I can't tell you. I see them together all the time. I assume they have a thing but I chose to not acknowledge it due to the fact that it's not exactly ethical. I would be forced to address it and I don't want to."

"She's a good person, right?" It came out and I couldn't stop it.

"Sure she is, she's smart and nice. What's not to like, she's great. Obviously I'm not into her but I can see why he is. Why do you care so much?"

I hesitated. I didn't know what to say. "Uh…I don't want him to…get hurt."

"Okay." It seemed as though he didn't believe me.

"You know that's the only reason."

He shrugged. "You say it is so."

"Jasper, there's nothing else."

"I didn't disagree."

I scowled. "It seems so, you doubt me."

He chuckled. "I have not uttered a negation to your statement. I'll see you later, Bells."

"Fine, but don't make assumptions." I warned. I knew what he implied and he was wrong.

"You're the one making assumptions." He said as he walked away. He was wrong, I knew that much. I mean I wasn't ready to feel anything for anyone yet, especially not for him. He has too much of a conscience and so do I. I could never do that to Jacob alive or not. He was his best friend.

I got back to class and I try to make it leave my mind but it won't. What if it is true? What if it is something? It would be so wrong on so many levels. He's with Julia and he would never want me that way. I was so confused. I wanted to find sense to it all but it was impossible. I wanted to just erase it all but it was too late. Edward had been with me for almost a year and I never noticed anything but today I took a step back and I saw just how much I…needed him. There's something there and I'm scared, I'm so scared. I don't want my suspicion to become reality, I just wanted to forget but it was impossible, with this came the guilt. I was betraying my deceased husband by almost having feelings for his best friend. It had almost been a year, I had learned to live again and now it seems like I have lost it all over again.

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**Please review, share your ideas and what you think might happen. I really want to know who is reading.**

**~Toodles.**


	17. Cold Shoulder

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward and Bella  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Summer of 2008  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – This song comes from Julia, it's the way she feels about the situation.**

_You say it's all in my head  
And the things I think just don't make sense  
So where you been then? Don't go all coy  
Don't turn it round on me like it's my fault  
See I can see that look in your eyes  
The one that shoots me each and every time_

_You grace me with your cold shoulder  
Whenever you look at me I wish I was her  
You shower me with words made of knives  
Whenever you look at me I wish I was her_

_These days when I see you  
You make it look like I'm see-through  
Do tell me why you waste our time  
When your heart ain't admitting you're not satisfied  
You know I know just how you feel  
I'm starting to find myself feeling that way too  
__**– Cold Shoulder, Adele**_

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**Cold Shoulder**

**EPOV (Edward)**

"This isn't weird is it?" Julia asked as she sat across from me in a café. We always met on Friday's after I finished my class and she had lunch then we had an appointment.

"Sure it is. You have to admit this isn't likely but that doesn't mean I don't like you." Her face dropped ever so slightly, I'm sure she expected another word but if I said it would be a lie. I didn't love her, I cared for her a great deal, and I enjoyed her company. We've been officially together for 8 months.

She nodded. "I guess you're right. I mean you are my patient."

"Yeah I just want you to understand that I have a lot on my plate right now and a relationship isn't exactly my priority. I do want to be with you."

She forced a smile. "I know I know you feel a responsibility to Bella and her son but…listen…okay this isn't Julia talking, this is Dr. Taylor talking. Do you think that maybe you're getting too attached to her? I don't want you to get mad but this is what I do for a living, I'm telling you what I believe."

I wasn't quite sure what she meant. The word 'attached' could mean a number of things. "In what way do you think I am getting attached?"

"This isn't easy for me, but I think you're emotionally attached to her. It's deeper than you think. You care about her more than you care about me or anyone else, I know that. Edward –"

"Are you jealous?" I asked. I was trying to find sense in what she was saying.

"I see the way you look at her, the way you speak about her. This isn't about me being jealous. It's about you and her. This is about the chance that you may lo–"

I didn't let her utter the word. "NO! How dare you accuse me of that? That's not true, he was like my brother I would never commit such a crime. It hasn't even been a year, what kind of sick person do you think I am?" I lashed out on her without thinking. I was so infuriated by her insinuation. I couldn't believe that she had come to that conclusion.

I took out a bill and laid it on the table before I got up and left.

She came after me. "I am sorry but I will not take it back, it's what I think. It is what I have seen."

I stopped midway to my car. "Then stop thinking that, stop trying to see it, it's not true Julia. It's just not."

"Do you really believe that?"

"Yes." I said hardly.

"Fine then I apologize apparently I made false judgment."

I sighed. The look on her face was painful to watch. She really took what I said to heart, I yelled at her. "I shouldn't have reacted that way. You have to know that at this point in time I only want to be with _you_ in that way. She…I care about her a lot and I love Jake as if he were mine but if I were to ever go there, I wouldn't make it. The guilt and the sense of betrayal, it's not something I would do. I couldn't, I'm not in love with her. You have to believe that. I want to be with you."

"If you say it is so than I have no reason to doubt you." Still I felt as though she believed her theory. We both drove back to the office. I followed her in, she put on her ID.

I followed her into the office. She closed the door behind me. "Okay, look. I'm not letting this go, I as your doctor will not let this go."

"Julia." I tried to say but she stopped me.

"I'm not Julia, I am your Doctor. My job is to help you and to keep you mentally healthy. You're lying to yourself, if you think you don't feel something for her."

I scowled. "You cannot know that. You don't know."

"I saw you, Edward. I am not blind, there's something there." She insisted. "Last weekend when she came to meet us, I saw the way you looked at her. You may say it's not love, but it's _something_."

"Why do you do this? Does it not hurt you?"

"Edward, I not Julia here, I am not your girlfriend or whatever it is I am to you. I am Dr. Taylor and I am quite able to separate my personal life from my work life. Answer me!"

"There is nothing to answer." I hissed.

She stood up. "You can't expect to be healthy if you don't have the will to. I know that whatever you feel for her is unconsciously suppressed due to the fact that she was your best friend's wife. What I am saying is to accept it, not to do anything about it. You are avoiding this by being with another woman. You are lying to yourself and her. It's not fair to anyone." She sure knew how to shut me up. I saw that it hurt her to say it. It hurt her to have to be the one to tell me this lie. In simple words it was a lie a lie I refused to believe. I couldn't love Bella, ever.

I felt rotten because she was really hurt and that's the last thing I wanted. "Julia I am sorry, I want to be with you."

A couple of tears escaped her. "You know what, I'm an idiot. It's my own fault. How could I let myself have a…a fling with you? You're too charming for your own good. I saw you and your charm got to me. I let you use me and I should've known better."

"Julia, I didn't use you."

"That was not your intention I believe that but you did in the end. I can't believe I let myself get to this point. I saw it in your eyes when you talked about her. I saw your joy and your adoration. I just thought…well he comes to me, now I realized it was just sex."

"No it wasn't, I'm sorry if you feel that way. I…..I….Julia….it's not true." I didn't know what to say, my head was hell bent on denying what she was saying but I wouldn't let my heart get a word in. I didn't want to feel what I most dreaded. I didn't want her to be right. I wanted her to just say she was wrong. I wanted to stay with her so that I wouldn't give my heart a chance, because my head was telling me that if I stayed with her I would be better off.

"Well, I'm sorry _you_ feel that way. Edward, look at me. I didn't take all those classes. I wasn't in med school working my ass off for 4 years and more, so that I can't know what's going on! I saw it with my own eyes, you're denying it because you feel so bad about it but that doesn't make it a lie. I know it must be terrible to feel something for someone you're not really supposed to be with. Edward, I lo – I wanted this to work but I won't be used anymore, I won't be your distraction, I'm worth more that that.

You have no idea how hard it was for me to see you look at her that way. I acted like a bitch to her and I didn't want to. That's not me and you provoked me to act that way. It was so heartbreaking seeing the way you move around her, to see how free you are, you're so different when you're with her, you're the Edward you want to be. With me it's like a person you made up, someone you could be but you're not and never will be."

I could take a hint. I knew where it was all leading. "So…we're done, just like that?" I asked fearing the worst.

"What did you expect, Edward? I will not let you use me, I will not lose my dignity, and I will not help you lie to yourself. I will not help you at all. I can't." I wasn't sure what she meant with her last words but I feared the worst. I wasn't sure what I was afraid of, I wasn't sure if I feared being without her or if I feared reality.

"What do you mean you won't help me?" I asked attempting to find sense in it all.

She wiped away her excess tears and sat down at her desk. She printed various papers and then handed them to me. "I will no longer be your doctor. This is a referral for Dr. Kip. I attached the treatment you're receiving, including the type of medication you're taking."

"Julia...just, give me a chance." I was pleading but somehow I knew it was useless. She felt like I was cheating on her.

"If you want to make it, this isn't the way."

I took the papers from her. "I'm sorry."

"Me too," She said sadly. "Goodbye Edward."

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**Let me know you're reading**

**~Toodles**


	18. A Way To Love Me

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward and Bella  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Summer of 2008  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – No, not all the song applies that is why there is a little pause in between the lyrics because I skipped some. **

_You made room for me, but it's too soon to see  
If I'm happy in your hands  
I'm unusually hard to hold on to_

_***_

_Blank stares at blank pages  
No easy way to say this  
You mean well, but you make this hard on me_

_***_

_Promise me you'll leave the light on  
To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone  
'Cause I believe there's a way you can love me because I say  
_– _**Love Song, Sara Bareilles**_

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**A Way to Love Me**

**EPOV (Edward)**

I drove myself home after I gave the receptionist the papers. I intercepted Jasper on the way out but said nothing at all. I unconsciously gave him a nasty look. I would have to apologize later. I was so aggravated and out of loop. I went upstairs and decided I would give painting another try. I had to do something to keep myself from losing it. I went to my dresser and pulled out the bottle of white pills, I took one in hope that I could just calm down.

I poured the paint onto the palette. I wasn't going to paint anything in particular I just wanted to escape. I stroked the canvas, I had picked up painting a few months ago and with the anti-anxiety medication I was actually able to move the brush the way I used to. Right now I couldn't concentrate, I tried to but it was very frustrating. My head was flooded with thoughts. Unfortunately at the top was Bella, then Julia, below that was my fear of betrayal and the fear that she was right. I was so not ready for this. As much as I wanted to push it away a picture of a beautiful brunette girl invaded my mind. It was the brunette I wanted it to be, it wasn't Julia. This girl was alone and trying to make it in life, she had warm brown eyes and she smiled sweetly.

Staring back at me on the canvas was a beautiful sunset. This was not me…that wasn't something I ever had produced. It was a product of the _'inspiration.'_ I wished I could forget. I just wanted to completely erase this entire day, Julia said that I felt something for her and now I can't forget it. I was fine without her uttering a word!

I dipped the brush in the rich black paint and smeared it all over the orange-pink sunset, if it were only that easy to erase the woman that assaulted my every thought. I took brushes to my bathroom and threw them in the sink, not bothering to wash the paint off. I looked at myself in the mirror and I was disgusted by what I saw, I saw a man who was a coward. I was a man that was scared to feel and was on the verge of making the most sinful mistake. That man in the mirror was about to betray the person who once saved his life and that was so horrific. Yes, the person who stared back at me was the most repulsive and vilest creature.

The afternoon had passed me by, and my Friday had been completely wasted with paranoia. Downstairs my mom, sister and dad cooked dinner. They cooked for more than four. I thought maybe Rose was invited. She often came because she really missed Emmett who was returning in December. "Who's invited?" I asked.

"You're home? I didn't hear you come in." Alice said as she looked at my clothing. "Ah, you've been painting." She really disliked my paint splattered clothes. She said I looked like a hobo.

I looked down at my paint splattered shirt and pants. "Yeah, I guess. I didn't get much done. So…why's there so much food?"

She smiled. "I invited Bella and Jas –"

"Bella?" I asked not even letting her finish.

"Uh…yes. What's wrong with that?"

I took a deep breath. "Um no it's…great."

"Are you sure?" she checked.

"Yeah." I can do this. I can suppress it all because I have to.

We finished cooking dinner and soon Jasper arrived. He looked odd, not like himself. "Uh, hey." He shook my hand nervously; it was like he was meeting me for the first time.

My brow furrowed. "Um….okay…..hey." I didn't even know he was coming. He seemed so awkward.

Alice walked over and she hugged him, I didn't get it. Sure she was affectionate but I didn't think they were that close. I let it roll off.

Soon Bella arrived and Jake came running over to me as soon as he saw me. "Sorry I'm late, Jake and I had a thing, apparently he seems to enjoy going into my quote unquote studio. Then I had to change." My mother had dropped Jake off at her home after she got off. It appears that she was in the neighborhood.

I didn't look at her, I picked up Jake and I began to talk to him. It all of a sudden hit me that Jake looked so much like Jacob. I knew he did but in my state of mind it really hit me hard. I felt like he was telling me _'What the hell are you thinking? She's my mom, you're not my dad.' _To be fair the chances of him saying it with those exact words are very unlikely but that would be the idea.

"Dinner is actually ready, we should sit." Alice suggested. Everyone filed into the dining room. There seemed to be a special intention tonight. I sat down as far away from Bella as I could, I needed to not be distracted by her presence. I needed to figure out what was actuality and was not.

Dinner was quiet and serene. As we finished our main dish Alice finally spoke up. "Um…Well, since we are all together I have some news, actually a confession." It reminded me of something I had to do. I was already in a horrible state of mind I should just take advantage of it.

"Alice, I don't want to steal your thunder but do you mind if I go first?" I asked. She nodded hesitantly. "Well, I have yet to update anyone on my status in the army and I would like to address that now. It's been a year and I should reveal to you all that…I no longer serve. I was discharged last year."

My father seemed to have a question. "Why is that? Why did you get discharged?"

This was the part that I dreaded the most, I didn't want them to know but I cannot lie. "I…When I returned I was asked to get a psychiatric evaluation, I was diagnosed with PTSD."

The look on my mother's face was unbearable. "Oh my god, Edward…sweet heart, how?"

"It doesn't matter how, what matters is that it's there." I said in monotone.

"Edward," My father began. "We are your parents, you should've told us."

"I do not want anyone's pity."

"That's not we're giving you, you are my son and I deserved the right to help you."

I shut my eyes momentarily. "Dad, I am twenty five years old, I can take care of myself and you have to let me. I am fine, I am getting treatment. I can get past this, I've survived an entire year, and I can make it." I assured him. "its fine, I'm fine. I can live on, and it's all I can do. Don't worry about me." I tried to seem optimistic. I turned to Alice who was a bit stunned but not too surprised, that would be unlike her. "Alice, I apologize for interrupting, proceed I am intrigued."

"OH! It was nothing." We all questioned her. "Fine but…okay. I am prepared to reveal the identity of the guy I'm dating."

"Finally, I was beginning to think he was made believe." I said with relief. It had irked me not to know. I had a flaw. I needed to know certain things. "So who is it, do I know him?" She was always resistant to telling me about her dates because I was the common older brother who was a bit over protective of her.

"Well, you kinda do. I mean not like really good but good enough. Well you do…know him." I swear she began to sweat.

"Who is it?" I asked once more.

Beside me Jasper raised his hand. I wasn't sure what his reasoning for that was. "Huh."

He shrugged. "It's kinda, well, she is actually…talking about…me."

"Huh…that's great." I was pretty impartial to the situation. I didn't have the energy to worry about it at the moment. "Excuse me." I got up from my seat and retreated upstairs.

**BPOV (Bella)**

I saw Edward walk away, he didn't look necessarily mad. He looked upset but I had noticed that from the moment I walked in. He had not even looked me in the eyes. "I'm going to go talk to him." I excused myself and followed him upstairs.

His bedroom door was open and I found him sitting at the edge of the bed with his elbows to his knees and his hands covering his face. He didn't look up. On the left side of the room where the window was I found a canvas that once had a sunset but it was smeared in black paint. On the dresser I found a bottle of white bottles, curiosity got the best of me and I picked it up. It read _Marplan_, take one three times a day. I put it down, realizing what it was for and I approached him. I sat beside him and he refused to look up.

"What's wrong?" I whispered.

"I need to be alone, I need you to leave." His words were just about inaudible.

I hadn't done a thing therefore I couldn't comprehend why he wanted me away from him. I wasn't leaving though, he never left all the times I asked him to and _I_ won't now. "I'm not leaving so start talking."

"There's nothing to talk about."

I rolled my eyes, I knew him better than that. "Well then I'm not leaving."

"You have to." He insisted.

"Why?"

"I can't think straight, I need you to leave."

He was talking about something I couldn't understand. "I'm not leaving Edward. Tell me what's wrong."

I could see he was getting frustrated. "She broke up with me." He said after a long silence.

"Julia, how, why?"

"Just let it go, Bella."

"If you're this way because she broke up with you then she meant something."

He was thoughtful for a minute. "That's not why I'm upset. You don't know why I'm upset, you don't want to know. Please leave."

"No. Please tell me, I'm sure I can take it."

"NO."

Now I was really not leaving, I crossed my arms at sat. "I won't leave until you tell me. We'll be here all night, if it's necessary." I warned.

"You don't want to know!" He was now angry and I had never seen him this way.

"I will not leave."

"So you really want to know?!" He was definitely not the Edward I was used to. I nodded. "You're going to regret it."

"Say it."

"No."

"Damn it Edward, say it!"

He was getting angrier by the minute by I refused to let him win. I was crossing the line, he was really angry but I had to know, he had to tell me. "She thinks I'm in love with you." He blurted out. He let out a string of profanities after he realized he said it out loud.

I was speechless, frozen in place.

"Is that what you wanted to hear? Is it?! Did you want to hear that I'm losing my mind because I don't know whether it's true or not? Did you want to know that I hate myself for considering she's right? Did you want to know that that painting was for you? Did you want to know that I wish you were that easy to get rid of?" Tears involuntary streamed down my cheeks. He never once looked up at me instead he looked down at the floor. "Are you satisfied?" He added with a gruff voice.

I got off the bed and my eyes encountered the painting he spoke of, it was smeared in black paint. It hurt to look at it, and it hurt to realize how much he detested the idea. I am first to admit that a relationship between him and I is out of the question but the way he said it with such disgust was painful. I wiped my tears off. "I'm sorry." I said before I walked out.

I slowly walked downstairs where everyone looked at me with expectant eyes. "I don't know what's wrong with him." Just as I finished my sentence there was a loud crash, it was like something had been thrown into a wall, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was the painting. "I'm going to home."

"What did he say?" Esme asked concern.

I was horrible at lying and so much more in a situation like this. "Things not worth repeating, it doesn't matter." I picked Jake up. "He's not okay." I told Esme before I fled out the door.

I went home and got Jake ready for bed. I tried to sleep but I kept replaying his hurtful words in my head. No one has ever yelled at me that way, no one. I went to bed in a gloomy state of mind that didn't wear off the next day.

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**Okay, don't judge Edward, he was having a moment. He did not consciously yell at her that way, it kinda just came out and he mad and a mess. OH and Julia is not a bad person. She made a mistake by going into a relationship and stuff but she's a good person. She yelled at him to help realize and because it's not easy to separate your life and your work. Don't hate her, it's not really her fault that Edward had melt down. She hit a sensitive part of him but, she failed to separate her work and life and she ambushed him, which was wrong but she didn't mean to cause this.**

**Anyway, leave your love in a review.**

**~Toodles.**


	19. A Mess Out Of Me

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward and Bella  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Summer of 2008  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** –**

_Your innocence is not forgotten  
I hope you know that where you are I wish you well  
I hope you sleep in a perfect memory  
You know it's hard I tried__  
I could never say goodbye  
_

_***  
I try to push you away  
But you never push back  
You know I'll never forget you  
I never thought I'd say that  
You made a mess out of me _

–_**Believe, All-American Rejects**_

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**Mess Out of Me**

**EPOV (Edward)**

I threw the painting with as much force possible against the wall. I couldn't even feel regret for what I had said at this point in time. I was angry at myself, I felt so guilty, with that feeling came the horrifying reel of bloodshed. I could not forget the war, it was scar carved so deep into me. I remember the people I killed, the many families I hurt. I remember the promise I had made Jacob, the image was burned into my mind. It lacked no desperation, anguish or blood. It was still as vivid as I last remember it. All that I had progressed in the past few months had come down tumbling and I felt worse than before.

My dad, my mom, my sister even Jasper made an attempt to talk to me but the all received the same response. "Get out."

For a couple hours I was alone but then a small knock invaded my torturing silence. "Edward?" A familiar voice asked. "It's me, Julia." The knob turned and she came in. She found me sitting on the floor against my wall breathing heavily. "Jasper called."

"Leave, get out. I don't want to see anyone." I hissed.

"Edward, if I knew that it was going to take such a toll on you I wouldn't have said it. I know what this is about, Jasper told me his sister walked out with tears in her eyes. That's not the solution. Hurting her that way is not the answer."

"Then what is?" I demanded.

"I see your pain written all over your face. Why are you hurting, why does it hurt so much?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"I know you know."

"Is it not obvious? I can never let myself feel anything for her, even the suspicion that I might, breaks me to pieces. It is such a horrible thing, I can't do that to a person who was my brother, I watched him die, I swore to him that I would take care of his family not to become an usurper. He loved her so much and she hurt so much when he died. She misses him so much and I cannot take his place. It is the most sickening thing, I can't do it."

She looked at me concerned. "Edward, your disorder started with those children. It was that trauma that made a gap in between you and normality. Your disorder escalated to this, Jasper may have thought that those children caused this, but I believe that the incident simply cased guilt and anxiety. Your real trauma flourished from watching your friend die. That is the very foundation of your trauma, everything else was just an addition to your disorder and your pain and anxiety. I understand that now, I also understand why what I revealed to you affected you so much. You feel culpable and you shouldn't. You're not being fair to yourself. But it would be equally unfair if you chose to live in a lie, you will never be healthy that way. When I talked to you I heard the way you so enthusiastically talked about her. Don't think I made it up, I have many patients and they talk to me about their girlfriends, their wives and how they alone get them through the day. I know that for a fact." Her words managed to get through to me and I found reason in them.

"I don't know what to do." I whispered.

She sat on the floor before me for the first time not quite sure what to say. "I can't tell you what to do, the best I can do is tell you what not to do."

"I said such horrible things to her."

"Apologize."

"I don't know that I can face her…I wished and hope from the moment you told me that it was all a lie, but when I saw her I faced reality. When I really thought about it, what you said was true, then I saw her and I just couldn't even look at her."

"Don't try to figure it out because you never will, you'll have a break down quite like this. Do whatever you need to. I'll schedule another appointment for Dr. Kip tomorrow and two pm, he has no patients at that hour."

She'd come all this way just to keep me in check. "I'm a mess." I admitted. "Thank you for coming. I am so sorry, the things I've done today are very much regretful."

"Good luck."

**BPOV (Bella)**

The following Monday, I chose not to take Jake to Esme. It wasn't anything against her, it seemed apparent that Edward no longer wished to have me in his life. I was fully aware that he had a thing; some of the things he said may have been true others may have not. I can't differentiate, I won't make it difficult for him, and I'll stay out of his life.

I walked next door to Angela. "Good morning, Bella."

"You're off today, right?"

She nodded. "Do you need me to take Jake?"

I bit my lip. "I don't want to but it seems I have to ask. I'm sorry, and if you can't you don't have to."

"I can, the gallery is closed for maintenance reasons this week." She had begun working in a gallery a few months ago, the gallery was dedicated to the troops, there were pictures taken of fallen soldiers and those who remain at war. She had used some of my shots in the gallery.

"Thank you so much, I love you."

She smiled. "No problem, I'd love to have Jake over." I handed her the bag and then she took Jake. "I'll keep him safe." She assured me.

I went into class a bit late, my photography I was already in waiting for me. "Sorry, I had a thing this morning." I went into my office to put my stuff down. Photography I, wasn't terribly exciting not the first semester where they had to learn all the parts of the camera all the chemicals and the materials, they hated it. I passed out the packet for today. We were still in History about Photography. They moaned and groaned. "Aww, I know you all must hate me. We can get through this." I assured them.

"Ugh, can you just give us the camera?" A guy, I think John, asked.

I smiled. "Do you have seven hundred dollars lying around? If you do then I'd be happy to."

"Packet it is, I will enjoy this." He said sarcastically. I had four Photography I classes, two Photography II, and I had seventh and third off, that gave me an extra long lunch. My eighth and my fourth were photography II.

I got through my first and second period just barely. On my off period I decided to stay in and look into local daycares that had room for Jake. They were expensive but I still had money from my parent's inheritance that I had not yet touched and the life insurance that belonged to me. Jake at the age of 18 could claim twenty thousand dollars that Jacob had for him, I hadn't touched any of the money, and I never needed to. Even now I don't have to. The house was paid off four years ago. Part of my parent's inheritance paid half and the rest was paid off in payments.

I checked out about five centers until I found one where he would be able to start going to next week. It was nearby and I looked up their record and soon I would go check out the building but I was sure that that was the place.

I ate the school lunch. I hadn't remembered the food looking so bad. I ate nevertheless. Soon my fourth period poured in, finally my last class. We worked on a block schedule eight classes four each day. Today was 'A' day and tomorrow 'B' day, it switched back and fourth.

"Alright, class so my studio group knows what to do. The film group, come with me and we'll finish the development of the black and white roll." I walked ten students in to the dark room and gave them each their strip of film, the other ten worked in the studio and on Photo Shop. "Most knew what to do but I always had to walk them through the first or they would run out with the print and expose it to the light and ruin it.

"Fixer…?" Lane asked. She was one of the nicest girls I had ever met.

"Yes, then the wash. You know this Lane." I reminded her.

"I know but I don't want to mess up." She was also a neat freak. I turned my attention to the other students. "Miss who is this guy holding this baby?"

"What?"

"This guy, he looks like a soldier and he's holding a baby." I had given the class the unfinished roll from the park, that didn't sound like a picture that would be on that roll.

"Dry it and take it out so I can take a look at it." She went out to dry it. "Do we know what we're doing?" they all gave a mumbling yes. I had my doubts but was too intrigued to stay.

I went out and waited for the picture to come out of the dryer. Lane took the picture out and she showed it to me.

The picture shocked me, I forgotten about it. It was a picture of the day Jacob left for tour, it was right after Jake was born and we were in the airport. I took the picture from her and saw Jacob holding Jake in his arms as he kissed him on the forehead.

"Who is he, who's the baby?" Lane asked.

I debated on whether to say the truth and I decided any else would sound stupid. "It's my son and his dad."

"You're an army wife?" She asked shocked.

"Not anymore." I said with a sigh.

Dan, an exuberant senior, came to join us. "Hey, I remember that guy. He was a recruiter at Eagle High, I was a freshmen or a sophomore and he was there with some guys at our school. Who is he?"

"He was my husband." I replied.

"Nuh uh, you were married to him? Why did ya'll divorce?"

Jaycee, a drill team girl came over as well. She held a now dry print obviously not having heard the first part of the conversation. "Here's another one with that guy, I remember him. He was in the newspaper awhile back…uh…he and these two other guys were on the front page, they were like fallen soldiers or something. It was last year."

Each student gasped at the revelation. "OMG, Mr. Swan did he….?"

"Lane you're such a dumb ass, shut up." John interjected.

I sighed. "He was killed in Iraq." I confirmed.

"Oh…Mrs. Swan, wow that is so shocking. I'm so blown away. You don't look like you lost a husband." Lane commented, she always seemed to speak her mind.

"It's a work in progress." Soon more kids walked out with a print, some were of Jake in the park others were still from the day he left.

"Mrs. Who is this guy?" My only freshmen, Trip, held up a picture where Edward had Jake hovering over his head.

"Uh…he is a friend." Or was, I added quietly. "He was in my husband's platoon."

"Mhmm." John mumbled.

Lane rolled her eyes. "Shut up, John."

"I didn't say anything Lane."

It was clear what they meant. I didn't care though, Edward and I were never meant to be, and the fact that we both were so closely linked to Jacob makes it so deceitful. Clearly Edward can't handle even feeling something and it's hard for me to accept it. We don't stand a chance. We would fall apart in a second. I still love Jacob, even if he's gone. How can I know whether he would approve of this, I don't so I won't act. I refuse to taint his chance at a peaceful afterlife. Sure he said if I ever found someone that I should go for it but it never meant Edward. He and I are so messed up and his trauma makes the situation so much worse. It's no longer an internal battle. It is an internal battle that is pronounced. You see the frustration, the guilt, and the betrayal in his eyes and it tears him apart. Why would I do that to him, why would I do it to us both?

The students stared at me for a moment too long. I took the pictures of Jacob and Edward and took them to the office. "Alright finish up." I called out.

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**I'm not much of a fan of this chapter, iDK I just don't really like but it fits into the story. I really don't know what it is, honestly there's something wrong and I'm not sure what. I like the next one though! It's called Complicated (Avril Lavigne). I apologize for the wait, it's been done for like forever and i uploaded it and never posted it, sorry.  
**

**Leave Your Love!!**

**~Toodles.**


	20. Complicated

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Bella  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2008  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** –**

_Chill out, what you yellin' for?  
Lay back, it's all been done before  
And if you could only let it be  
You will see_

_Somebody else  
'Round everyone else  
Your watchin' your back  
Like you can't relax  
You tryin' to be cool  
You look like a fool to me  
Tell me_

_Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?  
I see the way you're actin' like you're somebody else  
Gets me frustrated  
Life's like this, you  
You fall and you crawl and you break  
And you take what you get, and you turn it into  
Honestly, you promised me  
I'm never gonna find you fake it  
_–_**Complicated, Avril Lavigne**_

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**Complicated**

**BPOV (Bella)**

The day passed, soon it became weeks and then next thing I knew it had been 3 months since I had last seen him. When Jacob's one year anniversary came around I went to his grave with Jake. I sat there talking silently to him not sure if he could hear me from wherever he was. I would like to think he did. I did nothing else; I wanted to keep myself in one piece.

Edward had called but I didn't answer, he never came. He would leave many voice mails with apologies. "Bella, I messed up. I wasn't thinking straight and I said things I shouldn't have. I know I was asshole just please call me back." They were all in same ballpark. I would talk to Alice but less frequently, she kept trying to get out of me what Edward said but I refused to tell her. I knew it was coming though, I knew I was going to have to tell her, she was going to make me.

Alice walked up my doorstep. "Okay I will not take no for an answer, It's my parent's anniversary and my mother wants you there. I'm on a mission, you will come and you will enjoy yourself."

"Alice…I can't"

"I will adult-nap you." She was not kidding.

I wanted to make Esme happy but I couldn't go. "Alice I wish her a happy anniversary but no."

"It would mean so much to her, she hasn't seen you in months and she misses Jake." She all but knelt at her knees.

She always played the Jake card. "Fine but it is only for your parents, I'll leave as soon as it's over."

"_What_ did he say?" She asked. It was not hard to figure out who she was talking about.

"Nothing."

"Oh no, I won't believe that. He said something that pushed you away. Now just say it. I consider you one my best friends, you _have_ to tell me."

I sighed. "I consider you one of my best friends as well. The thing is that…he's your brother."

"He makes mistakes, he's only human. Yes, my natural instinct is to defend him but if he messed up then he messed up."

She was never going to give it up. I might as well just say it already. "That afternoon he broke up with Julia, she told him something. She said that she thought he was in love with me. At first he wouldn't tell me, but I insisted on knowing and he hissed it at me with such disgust. He asked if that's what I wanted to know, to know he was losing his mind, to know that he hated himself for considering the idea, to know that the broken painting was for me, to know that he wished that I were that easy to get rid of. Alice he said it with such repugnance. I never asked him to stand by me, I liberated him. I told him that he could go many times and he wouldn't leave. How is my fault? He detests me and whatever it is he might feel for me. Why would I punish him with my presence?"

She was silent for a moment. "He made a mistake."

"You don't know that."

"Well _you_ don't know that he meant that. Bella, you said it before you left, he was not okay. Jasper called Julia, and she was able to calm him down. He was really in bad shape, and he didn't know what he was doing. He's scared."

"Just because he was not well does not mean he lied. He meant that, he doesn't want me around him. He can't stand it."

"He feels guilty for what feels, he's confused and scared. Jasper told me that initially he thought it was PTSD but it wasn't, it was simply an anxiety disorder but what happened on the battlefield made it escalate into PTSD. That is the foundation of his trauma, and you have to realize that Jacob was like Emmett to him. He was his brother, nineteen years of being friends is a long time. What do you think it feels like to watch your brother die and not be able to do anything about it? On top of that he feels something that seems so wrong. He said that, but it was in a flash of anger."

What she said made so much sense but all the same my presence provoked him. I wasn't going to punish us both. "I'll go Alice, I already told you I would."

"Okay, I won't get involved…Anyway it's a dinner party at a hotel so I get to make you a dress!" She cheered.

I groaned. "Alice! That wasn't part of the deal."

"It is now. You'll love it, it's almost done."

"You already made it?" I asked. "How did you know I'd say yes?"

"Oh, I always know, it's my thing." She tapped her finger to her head.

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Alice came early the following Saturday. She had made a big deal about it, and she said we would get ready together.

"Ta-da!" She pulled out Flip Midnight Sky Dress, it was strapless and a ribbon tied just below the bust. It was just above my knee. "I made it just for you…well I designed it a while ago but I made the first one just for you. I'll do your hair first." I sighed, she was totally going to win this, why bother. She curled every piece of my hair into loose ringlets. She straightened and flipped in my too long bangs. She assaulted my hair with an impressive amount of hair products leaving it surprisingly soft. All of this took her two hours. By the time my make up was done it was already three. "Put on the dress." She handed it to me and I slipped it on. I stole a glance at the mirror. I looked so different but in a good way. I would definitely never have bought anything like this. By the time I returned to the bedroom she was dressed and working on her make up. Her hair was straight and sleek. It was a perfect bob.

"I like your hair."

She shrugged. "I decided subtle would be good for this occasion." Her hair was usually never this tame and it was mostly sticking in every direction, it was her style. "After all they've been married for twenty five years, and they deserve a tame hairstyle for one night." She looked over to me. "Nice dress."

I giggled. "I have great taste don't I." I replied sarcastically.

"I have black pumps for you and I knew you were going to give me crap about it being cold so I brought a coat that matches the dress." She handed me a black coat. It was really cold outside, Texas weather seems to change every single day, it was November and thirty degrees outside. The wind could quite literally blow you away. It seemed cloudy but then the sun came out again. It was ridiculous.

I actually really liked the coat and the dress, despite that I would freeze to death once I stepped out. "We'll leave in about half an hour. It's going to be at a Hotel in Waco, it's the only four star hotel around. We'll leave at about four and get there at about five. Guests will get there at like six thirty"

I nodded. "Let me get Jake ready."

"Okay, I'm going to finish my make up."

I went to Jake's room and I found Jake fast asleep in his crib, taking his nap. I kissed his forehead and subtly woke him up. He groaned and whined but groggily made his way into my arms. I changed him and put on some nice clothes.

All this time he hadn't seen Edward and I knew he missed him. He would ask about him and I just made up an excuse. I felt bad for lying to him though he didn't realize.

We were ended up in mid traffic hour, the traffic was horrifying and the very fancy hotel was like an hour away. Jasper was waiting for her at the lobby, we saw him through the glass doors. They had valet and the guys working looked us up and down, it was disgusting. Jasper seemed to notice it and came out to meet us.

"Stop undressing them with your eyes. It's pathetic." Jasper hissed.

"You claim them both." He challenged.

"Seeing as she's my sister and she's my girlfriend, yes I do. If you like your job you'll shut your mouth and keep your eyes off of them." He hissed as he wrapped his arm around Alice and led me into the lobby.

"He's sex crazed idiot." Jasper murmured.

I looked back and the guy still looked toward our direction. "I deal with them everyday." I replied. We walked across the lobby into the indoor Courtyard. It was beautiful, the courtyard had been closed off to the other guests and filled with tables and the center was cleared off for the dance floor.

We spent a long time making sure everything was perfect. Alice was sort of OCD when it came to this stuff, she would be the crazy bridezilla. Finally people began to arrive. Billy was even here.

Alice introduced me to everyone and soon Esme and Carlisle arrived. "Bella! I'm so glad you made it."

"Me too. Congratulations to you both. I'm so happy for you, 25 years and still going strong."

Suddenly Jake began squirming in my arms. I turned to realize He was reaching towards Edwards. I put him down and he made his way to Edward. "I apologize for just blowing you off." I shamefully said to Esme and Carlisle.

"I know. I very much assumed you and Edward were having a conflict. He's sorry, sweetie, I don't know what he did but he's sorry, I know that much." Esme assured me, everyone had felt the need to assure me that he was sorry but it didn't feel that way.

"Aunt Esme!" Someone chimed. A blonde muscular guy walked over to us. He gave Esme a large hug. "Congratulations."

"Wow it's been too long."

He nodded. "It has. Um…Hello." He looked over to me.

"Bella, this is my nephew James."

I forced a smile despite how awkward I felt. I didn't like meeting knew people. "Hello."

"My mother is anxiously looking for you." James informed Esme.

She smiled. "We should go say hello. James you'll keep Bella company, right?"

He nodded. "Why of course, dear aunt." He seemed like a harmless guy, someone I'd talk to. "Want a drink?"

"I don't…drink."

"Margarita, it's light. You'll survive or you'll have me to blame." He was very persuasive.

I shrugged, I might as well. "Sure." I followed him to the bar and he handed me the drink right after the bartender prepared it. I took a sip and I decided it wasn't bad at all. "It's not too shabby."

We began making small talk. It wasn't as difficult as I remembered. He talked to me about his job. He was a cop who lived up in North Texas. Esme was his mother's sister and Edward was his cousin, they were really close when they both lived in Alaska but then they kinda dispersed to Texas. First Carlisle wanted to work closer to Fort Hood and James' parents got jobs, it just worked out that way.

We were interrupted by someone who cleared their throat. I found Edward standing before us. "Edward, I thought you were on tour with Emmett."

"That was a long time ago, I don't do that anymore." He replied unemotionally with Jake in his arms, Jake had his head rested on his shoulder. "I'm done with the army."

"Well, I'm sure you have plans."

He shrugged. "Yeah I guess…look can I speak to Bella alone."

"Sure."

"No." I interjected. "You're fine, you don't have to go, and all that was needed to be said was said."

"James, just give me a minute."

"James you really don't have to go anywhere." I insisted.

James began to look uncomfortable. "I don't really know what's going on here but if she doesn't want me to leave then I won't."

"Oh _my_ god, James you don't even know her. Just let me talk to her." Edward hissed.

"How can I know you won't try anything?"

"What would I try?" He rolled his eyes. Finally he gently took my arm and led me away. On the other side he held Jake who was dozing off on his shoulder.

"Let go!" I exclaimed softly so Jake wouldn't wake.

He didn't loosen his grip. "You have to talk to me."

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**SO here it is! Hope you enjoy, leave your love.**

**~Toodles.**


	21. ReArrange

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2008  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** –**

_Its been 18 days  
Since I'd look at myself  
I don't wanna have to change  
If I don't then no one will  
Is it my state of mind  
Or is it just everything else  
I don't wanna have to be here  
I don't understand it now_

_Cause its been 18 days  
Since I first held you  
But to me it feels just like  
It feels like a lifetime  
I'm trying hard to re-arrange  
Some say its the hardest thing to do  
But that's another 18 days  
Without you.._

_Time after time  
I've been through this  
You show me what it means to live  
You give me hope when I was hopeless  
As my days fade to night  
I remember that state of mind  
I'm soaring straight into your heart  
And I'll fly high  
_–_**18 Days, Saving Abel**_

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**Re-Arrange**

**EPOV (Edward)**

I despised Alice for making the dress so…attractive, I could think that, right? It was so perfect for her, I tried to avoid looking at her that way but it was extremely difficult. These past couple months were painful for various reasons. Some included the fact that I felt a void that wasn't easily filled. I was trying to figure out what was real and what I wanted. I wanted to not see a beautiful girl but instead that is what I saw when I thought of her. She was no longer a vulnerable girl. She was now a beautiful, vulnerable woman whom I felt the need to protect. It was no longer a _responsibility_ it was a _need_.

"About what exactly? You made things as clear as day." She asked harshly.

"I called and called and called. Bella I'm sorry." It was true I had called so many times and she never picked up. I really regretted what I said. I never got the guts to go see her because I just wasn't ready to actually see her. It took a couple days for me to 'recover' from that night. I had so much stress and fear, and it just blew out of proportion. It was so hard to admit the truth, that I had somehow fallen for her,

"Was what you said a lie?" She challenged. Her eyes bore into me. That night I was so out of it, and I said horrible things to her, it wasn't until later that I realized just what I said.

I didn't say anything right away. I didn't want to lie to her. "Not entirely."

"Then we have nothing to talk about. You made it clear that it's painful to be around me, you hate me, so why are with me at this moment?" She had been clearly hurt and I desperately searched for a way to fix it.

"I don't hate you but…it is hard to be around you. Bella listen to me, you are a part of my life now, and it's completely apart from what I told you that night. I miss you and miss Jake, it's a gap in my life and I don't want to live with that. What I told you is…you weren't supposed to know. I flipped out and what I said was unacceptable. I apologize. I didn't mean what I said."

"So what's the truth? I don't want you to sugar coat it, just say it."

Jake stirred in his sleep. I patted his back to calm soothe him. "I am not Jake's father and I understand that I won't ever replace his father but I feel like I am somewhat his father. I don't want to stay away from him."

"Do you think I don't know he loves you? He adores you. You're the closest thing he has to a father. He misses you and I'll do whatever it takes to make him happy." Her words were like needles on my back, I told her the truth. I loved this kid. He was someone so special to me, he was like my son and I didn't want to hurt him. I had missed holding him and soothing him, I felt like someone had taken my child away.

I nodded. "I made a promise and I won't break it. Don't worry about what I said, it never happened. Forget it ever did. I know you don't need this right now and that's fine, I'll be fine. It's not what you think it is. I care for you but it stops there." I lied. It went beyond care, but I was not going to tell her, if I needed to sacrifice my love for her than I would. She would never correspond to me, as a matter a fact I wouldn't allow it. It feels bad enough to feel something for her much less asking for her correspondence. I had been convinced by my new doctor that I couldn't help to feel so it's no reason to feel guilty. The only thing I could help is acting; he understood that I wasn't ready to be with her. I never would be. That would be an undeniably deserved guilt, she couldn't ever handle something like this either. I wouldn't put her through that. My feelings could be suppressed and things could go back the way they were. Hopefully they would fade away hopefully it was simply a whim.

"So you're just going to ignore it?"

"There's nothing to ignore, Bella, I only want to protect you and to be in your life as a friend."

She didn't hold my gaze. "I look at you and I see hope. I see could what be. There's a scar in my heart. It still hurts, Edward, it hurts but you make it better. I can live with you around. I would have given up on life without you. You make want to live."

I looked into her eyes as I grasp what she's saying. "I won't ever do anything about it." I warned finally negating my lie. "I won't ever love you outside my heart. I will never be anything more than your friend. It's all I can be. You and I will never happen. It can't it goes against my everything."

She nodded. "I know. We never talked about this, agreed?"

"Agreed…this never happened."

In my arms Jake was startled by a roar of thunder. The left side of the indoor courtyard was a glass wall. Outside it was pitch black. Lightning was the only thing that illuminated the sky. The weather was bad, it was pouring non stop. I had heard the rain in the background but never realized it was raining so much.

He began to cry. "Jake, its okay." I assured him.

"Let me have him." Bella asked. Once she took him he cried even more and he reached out to me and I took him back.

I bounced him up and down until he calmed.

"He's tired."

I nodded. "Yeah and the weather is bad, we might have to spend the night. It's really coming down."

She looked out. "Yeah, it might freeze over. It's really cold and it's raining like crazy. I should get a room."

"Edward, the toast," Alice came over to me. "Come on."

I sighed, this was supposed to be Emmett's place but he didn't make it back in time. I usually did write him the toasts. I did it when it was their twentieth anniversary but it never presented them. "Coming."

"Hurry, we're going to get off schedule." She never changed, she was _Monica_ from _Friends_, I swear she was, just a more fashionable version.

I rolled my eyes. "Come on Bella." I went to the center table where my parents waited for Alice and me.

Everyone's attention turned towards me. "How has everyone's been? I would like to thank everyone for coming to celebrate my parents' anniversary. It's not only an anniversary, it's is a celebration of the love my parents have given to each other and to me and Alice and Emmett. Though Emmett could not be here I am sure he shares the same sentiment as Alice and I do. She and I both would like to thank my mother and father for raising us into decent people. They have given us everything and we're very thankful for that. Happy anniversary mom and dad, I hope there are many more to come." I raised my glass before I put it back down on the table. I wasn't certain but I doubted alcohol worked well with anti-anxiety pills.

There was dinner then dancing till midnight.

My mother approached us. "How about you two dance, I'll take Jake. Have fun."

"Mom –"

"Edward, don't be rude, one dance." It was apparent it was going to happen because Bella could never say no to my mother and evidently neither could I. I transferred a sleeping Jake to my mother's arms. I held out my hand and Bella took it. I wrapped my arm around her and she rested her hand on my shoulder.

_Just like a star across my sky,  
just like an angel off the page,  
you have appeared to my life,  
feel like I'll never be the same,  
just like a song in my heart,  
just like oil on my hands,  
Honor to love you_

_Still I wonder why it is,  
I don't argue like this,  
with anyone but you,  
we do it all the time,  
blowing out my mind,_

_You've got this look I can't describe,  
you make me feel I'm alive,  
when everything else is au fait,  
without a doubt you're on my side,  
heaven has been away too long,  
can't find the words to write this song of your love,_

"I'm sorry I'm such a bad dancer." She whispered.

I chuckled. "You're not bad at all." I pulled back and gave her a slow turn. "See it's all in the leading." Her cheeks were stained a scarlet red.

_Now I have come to understand,  
the way it is,  
It's not a secret anymore,  
'cause we've been through that before,  
from tonight I know that you're the only one,  
I've been confused and in the dark,  
now I understand._

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**The song is **_**Like A Star**_** by **_**Corinne Bailey Rae**_**. I love it and it's so sweet. Next chapter will be called Make You Feel My Love and a new character will come in, you'll love her. Please review, tell me what you think.**

**~Toodles.**


	22. Make You Feel My Love

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward and Bella  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2008  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?

**A/N**** – It's practically the whole song but I love it too much that I couldn't bear to cut it, LOL. **

_I know you  
Haven't made  
Your mind up yet  
But I would never  
Do you wrong  
I've known it  
From the moment  
That we met  
No doubt in my mind  
Where you belong_

_I'd go hungry  
I'd go black and blue  
I'd go crawling  
Down the avenue  
No, there's nothing  
That I wouldn't do  
To make you feel my love_

_The storms are raging  
On the rolling sea  
And on the highway of regret  
Though winds of change  
Are throwing wild and free  
You ain't seen nothing  
Like me yet_

_I could make you happy  
Make your dreams come true  
Nothing that I wouldn't do  
Go to the ends  
Of the Earth for you  
To make you feel my love  
__**– Make You Feel My Love, Adele**_

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**Make You Feel My Love**

The people remaining at the party had either reserved hotel room or had already gone home. My entire family had already reserved rooms, Bella and I were the only ones left. We decided that the storm was really bad and that it was cold enough to create black ice or sleet so we agreed to stay here.

We walked out to the lobby. There was a clutter of girls in front of us. "Make sure my luggage doesn't get lost, it did last time."

"It won't happen again, miss. I assure you." The guy seemed pretty aggravated with them, the girl speaking in particular. "How many rooms did you say you had reserved?"

"Four right next to each other." The voice seemed familiar. It was a little squeaky and uppity. I tried to put a name to it. "We've been here for like half an hour." She complained."

"Well it's not my fault you didn't put the reservations in right. You reserved two not four." It definitely seemed like they had been with him for literally half an hour and he was way over their attitude. To be fair I would too.

"Ugh, how rude!"

"You can stay at the motel across town if you'd like?" He suggested.

"Tanya, shut up!" Another blonde screeched.

"Tanya?" I didn't exactly mean to say it out loud. But I knew it. That little squeaky voice was all too familiar. What the hell was she doing here? She…no, she wasn't supposed to be here.

She turned at the sound of her name. "Edward, what are you doing here?" She looked at me then at Bella who was completely lost and then at Jake. "Wow, it's been a while."

"Yeah, I guess it has. I'm here for my parents' anniversary. You?" I felt obligated to ask, I tried to be civil. It would be a lie if I said there were no hard feelings because there were, she gave up on us and that's on her, not me.

"There's a modeling and acting convention-type thing. There are auditions here in the courtyard. They start bright and early tomorrow."

"Hmm, that's great."

She smiled. "Yeah, so what have you been up to? How'd it go for you, Jacob, and Emmett? ...In the army I mean."

"I know what you meant. Emmett's still in Iraq and I got discharged."

She gasped. "Discharged, why?"

I decided playing the nice ex was really not my style. I hated to put up an act. "You know what Tanya? If you gave a care for what happened to me you wouldn't have done what you did. You obviously thought I wasn't worth your time, so stop acting like you care because we both know you stopped caring a few years ago."

"I made a mistake, I know that now. I'm sorry for what I did, I wasn't ready but I am now."

I scoffed. "Six years later?"

"I grew up." The guy at the front desk scoffed softly.

"Too late"

"Edward I let you go once and it was a big mistake, I won't do that again." Her way of thinking was sickening; I hated the way she thought I would take her back. She had no idea how much I had changed, I wasn't the same idiot who ran after her throughout high school while she played hard to get.

Bella looked up at me and she understood my frustration and my desire to exit. "You won't get the chance." Bella said shocking us all. "He said it was too late."

"What?" she screeched. "You?" She said in disbelief.

"Did you think he would be waiting for you? He deserves far more than you."

She scowled fiercely. "It's not over until I say it is." This was classical Tanya, her way or the highway.

"You did, six years ago. He doesn't want you, you're easily forgotten. Who can miss an uppity obnoxious dumb blonde? I can't think of anyone who would, can you?" Her response left me without words; even Tanya didn't have words for this.

The guy who witnessed it all suppressed a chuckle. Tanya whirled around. "_The rooms_." She hissed.

He handed her four cards. "Have a good night." He said unable to hold back a quiet laughter.

She stomped away with her friends in tow. "You didn't have to do that, you didn't have to lie." I said though I was astonished, I had never seen that part of her.

She laughed. "I surprised myself, I usually suck at lying. In all seriousness she didn't deserve to think she had a chance."

We walked up ahead to the counter. "Can I help you?" The guy interjected, "By the way good job on shutting that girl up. So do I hook you guys with one bed suite?"

"No!" We said at the same time.

"Two actually." I clarified.

For a long moment he searched for rooms. "There's a convention here tomorrow morning, and there are a lot of guests. I only have one room, one bed. Sorry the rest are reserved or in use at the moment."

She turned to me. "What do we do?" She asked.

"Take the room, and I'll go to the one across town."

"NO!" she exclaimed. "It's windy, it's cold and raining. Have you lost it, you could crash!"

"Its fine take it, I'll be okay."

She sighed. "It's a big room, we can both stay." I was a bit weary of spending the night in the same room but I myself was a bit intimidated by the idea of going out in this weather.

"If you say so." I replied warily but unable to decline her offer.

She nodded. "We'll live."

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Jake lay sleeping in the bed. Bella had changed him into more comfortable clothes. I went down to the car to get a duffel bag, I had extra clothes.

I showered and changed. When I went back into the room Bella was still in her dress and she looked up to me. "I didn't bring clothes and Alice didn't either." She looked down at the dress. "I don't want to sleep in this."

"The best I can offer you is a shirt. You're way to thin for my sweats."

She debated for a while but agreed. I slid off my shirt and took the under shirt I wore with my suit and put it on.

**BPOV (Bella)**

I agreed to wear his shirt simply because I had no choice. This dress was not very comfortable. He slid off his shirt, his torso was fully exposed. I couldn't help but gawk. He quickly took the undershirt from the suit he was wearing and put it on.

I showered and put on my undergarments then slid the oversized shirt on. It went down to halfway down my thigh, it could be longer but who's complaining. I walked back into the room where I was utterly self conscience of the length. I slipped under the sheets and Edward being very courteous took the love seat in the room.

"Night, Bell."

"Good night, thank you for letting me stay in here."

"No problem." He replied as he settled to fall asleep.

It was rather difficult falling asleep. The weather was in fact getting worse. There were winds and the rain continued to pour. It hit the window with a large amount of force, so much that I struggled to fall asleep. I was sure the temperature was below freezing, this went to show just how crazy the weather gets around here.

For a long time I watched Jake sleep beside him, the pounding rain made him stir in his sleep and he cuddled near me.

I eventually dozed off but was abruptly awoken by a booming thunder. Beside me Jake woke up in tears. The storm had gotten so much worse. The second cringing sound of thunder was enough to make me gasp in fear and enough to cut the power off. I tried to calm Jake but it was quite a problem because I was frightened myself.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked groggily. I heard him get up and walk over, he sat over the sheets. "Bella, it's just a storm." He assured me.

I took a deep breath and Jake continued to cry. Edward rested his back against the headboard and hesitantly put his arm around me and Jake. I lay my head on his shoulder and eventually Jake crawled into his arms.

Edward successfully soothed him and, like me, he dozed off in his arms.

**EPOV (Edward)**

I fought my heavy lids and with Jake in my arms and Bella at my side I fell into a deep sleep.

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**Nothing, much to say but I believe ya'll will like the next chapter, it's a breakthrough is all I can say, it's called **_**Never Say Never**_** (The Fray). If you're generous with the feedback I'll look into posting the two chapters I have written. I have quite a few written because of that I have started a new story called **_**Another Night**_**, it's so that I can switch back and forth and I avoid writer's block cause that totally sucks.**

**~Toodles.**


	23. Never Say Never

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward and Bella  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2008  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – **

_There's some things we don't talk about  
Rather do without  
And just hold the smile  
Falling in and out of love  
Ashamed and proud of  
Together all the while_

_You can never say never  
Why we don't know when  
Time and time again  
Younger now than we were before_

_Don't let me go_

_Picture you're the queen of everything  
As far as the eye can see  
Under your command  
I will be your guardian  
When all is crumbling  
Steady your hand  
__**–Never Say Never, The Fray**_

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**Never Say Never**

**BPOV (Bella)**

I woke up in an unfamiliar position. I was being held, I hadn't been held in a long time. I slowly opened my eyes and I saw that my head rested on Edward's chest. Jake had crawled to the other side of me and he lay sleeping. Edward lay above the covers fast asleep, I almost didn't want to move, and to myself I could admit that. I didn't want to risk damaging the moment and the feeling.

I continued to lay there and I thought for a long while. I thought both of Jacob and Edward. I thought of my time with them both, the moments I had shared with them, the times I was consoled by them, the distress they got me through. I thought of it all and I finally understood those women who said they loved two men so dearly for different reasons but with the same intensity. I loved Jacob he was my first love, that's a love you don't forget much less when he hath blessed you with a son. I love him for making me who I am, and he means so much to me. I know he loved me as much as I did and I don't want to taint that love but it feels like I already have. I miss Edward when he's not around, the difference between Jacob and Edward, the only difference that matters is that Edward loves me here and now, he's with me, whereas Jacob may still love me but he can never express that. He can never console me and hold me the way he once did. One was the past and the other could be the future.

Of course there are things to think about, risks. I risk destroying the bond Edward and I have. If he were to ever allow himself to feel, would we make it? Would we surpass the memory of Jacob? Is it possible for him and me to love each other? At this point in time it seems like a utopian expectation. It irks him to talk about it and I understand what he feels because I feel the guilt and I feel the betrayal just as much as he does. The disparity is that I can acknowledge it and he cannot fully accept it because of the trauma. The parity would be that we fear it, we both can't imagine the way it would hurt Jacob. Edward his best friend, Bella his wife…hook up? It sounds so…trashy and ruthless.

I have to accept the fact that no one can ever pull through that and live happily ever after, it doesn't work that way. It will _never_ be. Not unless either of us can be sure that it's not betrayal and that's not ever going to happen, not unless….we try the Ouija board or something and I'm pretty sure it's a ruse and they don't work. It's actually creepy and not an option.

Eventually I closed my eyes and again fell asleep.

**EPOV (Edward)**

I opened my eyes and found myself laying on the bed next someone. I looked down and I saw Bella's arm draped over me as she slept. She seemed so peaceful and innocent. God, if only I could touch her but I knew I couldn't. I hated the fact that this is never going to be. Out loud and with people around me I couldn't admit that deep inside I wanted it, I had never wanted anything like this before. I wanted to love her and to be with her but there are things that separate us and they are not easily overcome.

Her scent was beautiful and so feminine. Her hair had a scent of ripe strawberries. My arm that was wrapped around her was in contact with her soft angel-like skin. If only I could know this was okay. If only I could get past this horrid trauma that haunted me every second of my life. If only what is never meant to be could be. If only. If only. If only.

I gently shook Bella awake. Her eyes fluttered open and for a second we didn't move. She looked up at me and she was still, her face inches away from mine.

"Momma!" Saved by the bell, a little clichéd but the truth, Jake climbed over Bella and in between us.

I smiled. "Morning."

"You sleep with momma, like a daddy." I'll you what, this kid was smart.

Bella blushed. "Uh…uh…um we should get ready to head home."

I rose up and off the bed. My back ached from the awkward sleeping position. I went over to the window and pulled the curtains open and I saw that the storm from last night had become a sheet of ice over everything. "Ice, great." I muttered unhappily to myself. I turned to find Bella had slipped into the bathroom behind my back and Jake had crawled off the bed and was examining the room. He walked out of my sight and I felt as though he was too quiet. I peaked around the corner and I found him sitting on the floor with Bella's purse. He had everything scattered around the floor and he took out everything in her wallet.

"Jake, no!" I made my way to him and picked him up. "We don't do that, mommy can loose her things." He raised his hand and waved her license in my face.

"Momma."

I looked at the picture and it seemed recent, I shifted my gaze to the name and it was no longer Isabella Black, it was now Isabella Swan. She had changed it.

"Jake!" Bella saw the mess on the floor as she stepped out in the dress from last night. Her wavy hair fell over her shoulders. "Sweetie, don't do that. That's bad, I could lose my stuff, baby." She pried her license out of his hand.

"You changed your name." I stated, abruptly.

She froze for a second. "Yeah, I did. It's been over a year, you can only avoid it for so long. Does it bother you?"

"No! I mean no, I just noticed that's all."

She nodded and began to pick her stuff off the ground. "I left your shirt on the bathroom counter, and thanks for letting me borrow it." She no longer kept eye contact with me.

"No problem. I'm gonna go change and then we can go down and get some breakfast." She agreed and I put Jake down and took my clothes to change. I put my slacks back on with my dress shirt but I didn't fully button it, I put my tie around my neck, untied. I noticed my t-shirt neatly folded on the counter. I couldn't resist bringing up to my nose, her strawberry scent lingered. The moment last a second too long and then it become a little psychotic.

We went down where Alice and Jasper waited for us to have breakfast. She stared at something through the glass doors in the courtyard. When she saw me she quickly turned the other way. "What were you looking at, Alice?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Nothing…I just was telling Jasper that girl was wearing one of my shirts, her dad like hired me." She hid something but I wasn't sure what. I looked over to the place she was looking at and a girl did in fact have a shirt I recognized from her portfolio but Alice wasn't looking at her. I searched the crowd of women and I spotted Tanya and her entourage. "Edward!" I had already seen her.

"I knew she was here, I saw her last night. Its fine Alice, I'm over it. It has been like six years."

She stared, again, intently behind me. "She's coming over."

I looked back and she was separating from the crowd and coming over. "Hello, Alice."

"Tanya." Alice said curtly. "This is Jasper." Tanya waved hello and then turned to Bella.

"Bella, good morning, I believe we had a bad start, I'm sorry." Her eyes shifted over to Jake, who stood at Bella's side holding her hand. "Who is he?"

"My son."

"Is he Edward's doesn't look like him at all? Then again it would make sense, you two are a couple." Her voice was so taunting, I did not miss that at all.

Bella scowled but said nothing.

I spoke up instead. "Whether he is my son or not shouldn't matter."

"Ah, but it does. If he's not your son you have no luggage. It makes it easier."

"In any case I don't have to prove whether he is my son or not."

She scoffed. "I'm not that stupid."

"Really?" I asked.

"If you believe he's your son, then she is a cheating slut because that kid looks like Jacob."

"I'm sorry to disappoint you though it seems like you enjoy disappointment." Bella interjected. "He doesn't want you back and that's a fact, if you can't accept that then there's something wrong with you. You are in denial, in any case this is your fault and you don't get a second chance."

"You are a _bitch_."

"Is that so? I can accept that now all that's left is for you to accept rejection."

Her brow arched. "You so will never live up to me."

I scowled at her. "Leave, Tanya." I hissed.

"No because I know you're lying. You're not with her, he's not yours. It's one thing to reject me for a legit reason it's another to lie."

Bella stood close to me and she stepped closer. Her eyes told me yes and without thinking about it twice I leaned in to press my lips to hers. You can say it. I was an idiot though Bella wouldn't agree. She kissed me back. Her lips felt so right against mine. It lasted seconds but they were pure delight.

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**Leave your lovely review!**

**~Toodles.**


	24. Everytime We Touch

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward and Bella  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2008  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – **

_I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.  
I still feel your touch in my dreams.  
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why  
Without you it's hard to survive._

_'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.  
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.  
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.  
Need you by my side.  
'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static.  
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.  
Can't you hear my heart beat so...  
I can't let you go.  
Want you in my life._

_Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky.  
They wipe away tears that I cry.  
The good and the bad times, we've been through them all.  
You make me rise when I fall.  
_–_**Everytime We Touch, Cascada**_

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**Everytime We Touch**

**Third Person POV**

Jasper's arm wrapped around the, pixie like, girl at his side. They stared wide-eyed at the event that had taken place. Edward, after a few seconds pulled away with an unreadable expression. Bella looked…dazed though not upset.

"Convinced?" Edward managed to choke out. Tanya's eyes narrowed and she turned on her heel to leave without another word.

Neither Bella nor Edward could look their siblings in the eye. Bella gave Jake's hand to her brother and stumbled away followed by Edward.

"It wasn't just me, right?" Alice asked looking mighty shocked.

Jasper shook his head. "I don't think so, I…do not understand. Why…?"

Alice decided not to keep her silence. "I think he loves her, it may have seemed as though it was an act but I don't think it was. Remember the night he broke down, that was the reason." It all made perfect sense. Jasper played it out in his head. Of course he would react to that in such way.

"What about her?" He asked.

She shrugged not having an answer. "I…am not sure, don't be mad Jasper. She's only human and they've been at each other's side for over a year, it's not unheard of."

"I worry about her."

"I worry about him." She added.

**BPOV (Bella)**

I felt him behind me and I stopped at the far wall of the lobby. I turned slowly. "I'm sorry." I can't say that I was being completely truthful. When his lips touched mine, my heart skipped, an amazing warmness spread through me. It felt so great, so natural.

He glanced down at me then shut his eyes and sighed. "I should be sorry. I don't even know what possessed me to do something like that. I can't believe I had the nerve to do it in front of Jake, my sister and your brother."

"I complied. I…am not going to lie." His eyes shot open to look me in the eyes. "It was the most treacherously beautiful thing I have felt for over a year. I felt truly happy. I know this is horribly wrong but I can't lie, I'm not good at it. I know that it is wrong on so many levels but maybe somewhere along the way it could be good."

He shook his head. "How?"

"In the letter he wrote me, he told me that if I ever loved again that I should not let his memory stop me."

"It can't stop you but it can stop me. In his letter I don't think he meant me, Bell I want this but…We can't, I cannot betray him like that. Understand where I'm coming from?"

"Edward, I know it's hard, I know. What do you think it feels like knowing you love two people with the same intensity but for different reasons? I know that Jacob is in my heart and he will always have a special place in my heart. He gave me everything he could and I will never forget him but I can't live on a love that once was, I can't do it. Edward I see you and I see that you are so wrong that it makes you right. I'm not supposed to want you but I do. I'm willing to accept that."

**EPOV (Edward)**

Her revelation shook me. Her words were clear yet it muddled my entire perspective. "It'll dwindle soon enough. It can't last for ever." I said giving her what she did not expect.

She nodded unsuccessfully hiding her surprise. "I guess, look I…apologize for invading your space." She turned to leave and I followed to catch up.

"Bella."

"I'm sorry, Edward."

"Don't take it that way."

"There is no other to take it but I get it. We'll just keep putting up the act for everyone, ourselves most of all."

I sighed. "Okay."

Alice and Jasper finally found us. "Edward, pardon me, but what the hell was that?"

"I second that." Jasper added.

"No comment." Bella replied.

They both now looked at me expectantly. "I second that."

"You are so funny, my dear brother, now give me the real answer." Alice gave me a threatening stare.

I shrugged. "No comment, in other words it was nothing, meaningless. As a matter a fact I don't even know what you're talking about."

She scowled. "Oh no, I get an answer. What was that hell was it? Were you kidding? What happened requires an explanation."

"I said it was meaningless."

"Bella." Jasper prompted.

"He said it was meaningless." Bella replied careful not to lie. She took Jake's hand and walked away.

I left Alice without a word. I went up to the room surprised to see Bella there. "I'm heading home, they say there's sand on the roads and it's warming up. It won't be too bad. Do you want a ride?" I asked knowing an hour with Alice was not what she wanted.

She nodded. "I guess so. I'm ready." She put Jake's coat on. "I think he's getting sick." She said softly.

"Why do you say that?" I asked alarmed.

"He's a bit warm and he's sleepy. It's early, he just woke up."

I put my hand to his forehead, he was a bit warm. "Do you want to ask Carlisle or go to a clinic, there must be one open?"

"I think he'll be okay, I'll take him on Monday."

"Are you sure?" She nodded. We scanned the room, making sure nothing was left behind and went down to the lobby and checked out.

I walked her out to the valet. It was bitter cold. I could tell Bella was freezing. Her dress was short and the wind had not ceased. Jake snuggled close to her seeking warmth. The car finally arrived and we were on our way back home. She said nothing the entire ride home. The silence was eerie and I didn't like it. I couldn't tell if she was upset or if she was uncomfortable.

I concentrated on the road and trying not to slip on the ice. Luckily we made it home alive. I dropped her off at her house and walked her in. "Hope you get better Jake." I said before giving him to Bella. "Well…if you need anything just call."

"Thanks."

"I'll see you around then."

"Yeah, okay." She forced a smile. She was really upset about this and I wish that I it didn't have to be this way. I wish I could give her what I wanted, what she wanted. I wish things were not this way. But the fact is that they are. I turned on my heel and left, closing the door behind me.

I drove home and I wanted to evade Alice at all costs but she was waiting for me. "You left."

"Yep."

Her brow arched. "You know what I want to know."

I shrugged. "Sure I do but that doesn't mean anything."

"Was it a show for Tanya?"

"I wasn't the one who first lied."

"Who was?"

"Alice, just let it go. I'm not going to tell you anything so don't waste your efforts."

She rose to her feet. "Answer this, was it a game? Were you messing with her? That is all I want."

"No."

"Wait…no, what? No you won't answer or no as in the answer no?"

I shrugged. "You tell me." I stepped around her and headed up to my bedroom. I hit play on a CD that was already in the stereo. Within seconds the room was filled with the genuinely good lyrics of _The Fray_. I spotted the paint brushes lying on the table near a window. I had just turned in one of my last projects for this semester. Leaning against the table was a blank canvas. I picked it up and took the brush.

I let my mind wander and the brush glide freely. About three hours later I ended up with a painting of a girl back-front in the middle of a meadow. I was satisfied with it, it was nice and it brought joy to me.

My parents weren't yet home, apparently they decided to stay another night and Alice had gone out to dinner with Jasper. I ordered a pizza and watched TV, there was nothing terribly good on but it distracted me for a while.

I ended up going to bed early. I was sleep deprived so I took my pill and plopped onto my bed.

Abruptly I was awoken by my phone. I rolled over but somehow rolled over too far and ended up on the floor. I reached up to grab the phone. "Hello." I answered hoarsely.

"Edward, please…I'm sorry." The caller sobbed and begged calling my name. I didn't even know who it was. "Please help me!"

I sat up and got off the floor. "Who is this?"

"My baby, Edward please help me. I need…I need…my baby."

"Wait who is this?" I managed to get in between cries.

It was a girl, a very familiar cry. "Edward, my baby there's something wrong."

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**Leave your lovely review!**

**~Toodles.**


	25. God Only Knows

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2008  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – **

_Lovers laugh and cross this way  
weaving out into the street  
It seems we never were so young  
or it was never quite so sweet_

_But the world is always beautiful  
when its seen in full retreat  
the worst of life looks beautiful  
as it slips away in full retreat_

_Well god only knows that we can do  
no more or less that he'll allow  
well god only knows that we mean well  
and god knows that we just don't know how  
__**–God Only Knows, Joe Henry**_

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**God Only Knows **

**EPOV (EPOV)**

"Bella?" I asked finally recognizing her voice. "Wh-What's wrong with him?" She continued to cry. "Bella, calm down, I'm going to help you but you have to tell me what's going on, otherwise, what can I do?"

"Jake…" She struggled to catch her breath.

I knew she spoke of him but I cringed at the sound of his name. "What happened, is he hurt?"

She sniffled. "He's burning up and he's shaking as if he were cold. Edward he's really sick and I don't know what to do."

My heart stopped. That little boy was my everything, and I couldn't let anything happen to him. Yep, I said it they were both my life. Jacob had given me a gift. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

"I'm sorry. you're the only one I could call."

"I know and I'm glad. Stay calm I won't be long." I shut the phone and quickly grabbed some random jeans and a shirt. I grabbed my keys and hurried down the stairs. The ice from last night had not yet fully melted and the temperature had dropped, the ice began to form once again. In the closet I found my coat and put it on. Alice wasn't home yet. She was still out with Jasper.

I got in the car and as unsafe as it was I took off. I wasn't particularly used to driving on ice, our winter storms were quite limited and when they came around I never felt the need to endure the black ice. Her house was about a forty-five minute drive but forty-five minutes was too long. I drove as fast as possible without running myself off the road. I slipped a couple times, threatening to fish tail, but I never fully lost control. As I drove into her neighbor hood I dialed her number. "Bella, I'm about three minutes from your house. Meet me outside; I'm going to take him to the hospital."

"Okay, I see you." I pulled up to her house and went out to meet her at the front door.

She was a mess, she couldn't even walk. I took Jake from her, he whimpered in my arms. He was in fact shaking with sudden tremors and sweating. Bella hurried to her car and grabbed the car eat. As quickly as I could I secured the seat and put him in. "You're going to be okay." I whispered.

I got into the driver's seat and Bella in the passengers. I drove away being a bit more careful. "What if he's really sick?" She asked in a snivel. "What –"

"Stop, Bella. You don't know that, we're going to get there soon and he's going to be okay." I wanted to believe that myself but life has caused me to lose my optimism.

I took the ramp onto the highway. The road was more or less vacant with a few exceptions. I sped down the highway. Up ahead I saw brake lights flare, I was going too fast to stop, and I jolted the car to the left and tried to get out of the way. The car didn't respond as I meant for it to. Instead and switching lanes it fishtailed and at that moment the car moved over to the same lane and slipped on the ice. The car made contact with the right side of my car and sent us jolting in our seat. "Edward." Bella gasped.

She stared out behind us where a car was skidding down the road with no control. I was frozen, I couldn't move. It was coming for us and there was nothing I could do. It seemed as if I were in a slow motion portion of a car crash. A sharp pain arose in my head. I heard a loud metal on metal sound before it all disappeared. _I love you, w_as my last thought.

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**It's such an evil cliffie, I know and I can't say that I'm too sorry. I hope you like please share your thoughts, leave your love.**

**~Toodles.**


	26. What Hurts The Most

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Third Person  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2008  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – **

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me_

_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken  
_–_**What Hurts the Most, Rascal Flatts**_

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**What Hurts the Most**

**THIRD PERSON POV**

"Multiple car accident, Car 1, Donald Young, 32 year old male and Amy Young, 30 year old female, minor injuries, both conscience. Car 2 – Isabella Swan 24, year old female, various internal injuries, not breathing and unconscience when we arrived at the scene, Infant, not yet identified, temperature rising and a serious head injury, unconscience, Edward Cullen, 25 year old male, fair condition he fades in and out, head injury and broken rib, ex-soldier. Car 3, Joaquin Leonard, 18 year old male, blood alcohol content .21, conscience, no injury." The EMT announced as he burst through the doors of the ER.

The victims were dispersed among the waiting doctors. Jane, the doctor on call, followed the most critically injured female. "Interns, now!" She called out. They came out from hiding like a pack of dogs. "You two, follow Mr. and Mrs. Young." She pointed to the two males. "You follow the infant up to peds. You make sure the Mr. Leonard is awake when the officers arrive. You follow the male and _you_ get to come with." The interns stood staring blankly. "Go!"

Jane jogged after the woman alongside the most capable intern. "Prognosis?" she asked the intern.

"Internal bleeding, it was a blow to the right side so possibly the pancreas, liver or right kidney."

Jane nodded. "Good, find Dr. Morris tell him what we got. Get her on the board, get the family here ASAP. We need to start before it gets worse." They arrived to a room where the female was hooked up to an IV and given an oxygen mask. "I tell you this damn ice never brings anything good." Jane muttered as she worked over the female.

The intern hesitated, her brow furrowed. "The driver was intoxicated. It had nothing to do with ice, ice just made it worse."

"Exactly, now a mother and a child hang on to life by threads. The poor child could have permanent damage. Find the family, now." The intern nodded and whisked away.

About two hours later Dr, Morris met her. "It's so sad, poor girl she's so young."

Jane nodded. "I know and the sad part is that this isn't unusual…if my intern returns tell her I'll be waiting with the male in the same car."

She hurried off to the area where the less critical patients were. With the male was her male intern. "He refuses to be treated."

"What?" She demanded. "It's not a choice, he has a broken rib."

"He keeps asking for the woman and the child."

Jane sighed. He was probably the husband or boyfriend. She pushed the curtain over and saw him struggling to sit up. She picked his chart. "Mr. Cullen, I suggest you lie down and let yourself be treated. You have a fractured or possibly broken rib."

"What about –"

"No! You can't see either of them, get treated first."

"But –"

"You don't make the rules, I do. Please Mr. Cullen let us make sure you're okay then we'll see about the rest. If I have to get someone to physically hold you down, that's the way it's going to be." She warned.

"They're alive?" He asked with a tremble in his voice.

Jane nodded. "Are you by any chance her husband?"

He shook his head.

"Okay, I'll be back." She turned to leave out of the trauma area but was intercepted by the intern.

"The female's family is on the way with the male's family" Jane shot her a puzzled look. "I could only get the female's brother, it's all she has and the male's sister was with him. The male is…he's Dr. Cullen's son. He's not with the woman it's not his son, he was diagnosed with PSTD a year ago so we have to careful, make sure this didn't cause an injury to something other than his body."

Jane nodded. She saw the uneasiness and the anxiety that radiated off him it seemed about right. Then she realized something, he was the Doctor's son. Dr. Cullen in the single most respected general surgeon in this hospital. He specialized in trauma, he worked in the ER mostly and he had saved many lives. The rumor was he was next in line to be chief of surgery. She realized she had just yelled at the future chief's son. That was not so great. "Where's Dr. Cullen?"

"Waco, his daughter said he would call him. He was driving back anyway. He has the early shift tomorrow."

"Okay, give me some information about the infant but first, let Edward Cullen identify him." She continued down the hall when she was intercepted by the chief himself. "Chief, is there something wrong?"

"Where are the interns?"

She swallowed. "With patients, Dr. Cullen's son is in the hospital. He was in a car accident with a woman and a child. It was three cars, and his got the worst of it. He seems to be fine at the moment; one of the attending is with the woman."

"Dr. Cullen's son is here, why wasn't I informed?"

Jane cleared her throat. "I was not aware at the moment of his arrival but I was on my way to find you."

"Chief Hark, I'm looking for Joaquin Leonard." An officer announced as he made himself over to the pair.

"Dr. Garret will be happy to assist you."

I nodded. "Yes, right this way chief." I led the officer to the room where Joaquin Leonard was.

"Mr. Leonard." The officer began. "Do you understand the situation?" the young boy nodded. "I don't think you do, a few hours ago you were speeding down the highway covered in ice like a complete idiot. Have you no sense at all?"

The boy merely looked up.

"You got lucky, so lucky my friend. Don't, for a second think I'm happy for you. It's sad to say this hasn't been the first time we've met. Last time it was one car, one man, with a bump on his head. Now you are fully responsible for the lives of 5 people. Yes, I'm aware they slipped on ice before you came speeding down the highway, but they would've walked away. Now a woman and child are fighting for their lives. If that child dies, it's on you and your ignorance. What kind of person goes out at night, gets wasted, and then drives on ice?"

The young man shut his eyes. They stung with regret, the officer had every right to yell at him the way he did. "I'm sorry."

"That means nothing to me, you better hope they live. You better start praying that that woman and her son make it. You better hope that I'm there when the ex-soldier finds out it was you, you better hope and pray I don't let that man give you what you deserve."

"I couldn't stop."

The officer took a deep breath. He had met this young boy far too many times. He had given him a chance way too many times. "This will be filed as a DUI and you'll be put on probation for the minimum of 2 years." He said with frustration. "If he presses charges you may go to jail."

The boy cringed at the thought.

Jane hadn't realized she'd been standing there listening the whole time. She regained her composure and hurried out to check on her interns.

By 7am that morning the family had arrived. The couple in Car 1had gone home and Joaquin Leonard was down at the station. Edward Cullen had no permanent injuries, he was soon about to be discharged. The infant, now identified as Jacob Black, was given stitches but luckily his brain wasn't bleeding. The woman had not been so lucky, there was internal bleeding, and it was her pancreas. Her brother was finally able to approve the surgery and it would soon begin though her fate was uncertain.

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**Leave your love in a lovely review! Check out my new story **_**Another Night**_**, it's a Jacob/Nessie story done in Jacob POV. I think you'll enjoy the mystery that is in the story. Tell me what you think about this chapter, it was really fun to write, if I slipped and did 1rst person, I apologize.**

**~Toodles.**


	27. Dreaming About You

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2008  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** –**

_Sleeping to dream about you  
and I'm so damn tired.  
Of having to live without you  
But I, I don't mind.  
Sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired.  
I'm so...tired  
__**–Sleeping to Dream About You, Jason Mraz**_

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**Dream about You**

**BPOV (Bella)**

I felt myself separate from everything. I no longer felt pain. As left the sounds, I opened my eyes and I saw a light on the other side of a beautiful meadow. The meadow was like what I would've imagined the Garden of Eden to be, it was magical and perfect, so perfect I didn't realized that I wasn't supposed to be here.

I continued to look around. It was directly out of a fairy tale. The grass was a natural bright green. The trees reached high altitudes and birds were perched on perfectly sculpted branches. Flowers were scattered around, not one had been damaged, it was utopia. Small creatures played around the meadow. The light at the end of the meadow illuminated the entire area. It was neither hot nor cold, it was perfectly comfortable. I simply wanted to sit and never leave. It's just what I did. I sat down and just looked around.

"What about Jake?" a new familiar voice filled the air, I turned to find Jacob._ My Jacob_ was walking and talking and breathing. I stared wide-eyed at him not sure what to say. "You know what I'm talking about." He continued. For countless nights I prayed for this moment, for the moment I would see him again. Despite everything that had happened, despite the time, he still had the same effect on me.

He lowered himself to the ground and sat beside me. "What's going on?" I asked. "You…You're supposed to be dead."

"I am," He confirmed. "At the end of the meadow, beyond the light is a place quite like this but the beauty and the feeling does not compare. Beyond the light is eternal life."

"Am I dead?" I asked fearing that I really was.

He shook his head. "Not yet but you're not far from it. Why did you give up, and why did you stop fighting?" He demanded.

I recalled the place I was before this, I remember it hurt so much and I remember I just let go because it was too hard. "It hurt." I said shamefully.

"Life hurts but when I died it was my time. I grasped on to life the best I could but it was time and no matter how much I fought, I would die. You on the other hand, can make it if you fight." His eyes bore into me. "You can't leave my son alone, _our_ son."

"I know, Jacob." My head hung low in shame, he was right.

For a long period of time he sat beside me silent but I knew he was there. "Are you going to tell me?"

I jumped because I knew what he meant. "Tell you what?" I asked but I had a feeling there was a third party involved.

"Bells, just tell me." He looked at me waiting for an answer. In his eyes I didn't see resentment.

"I'm sorry." I whispered I couldn't look at him. "I'm so sorry, I…don't know why. I'm so sor –"

His hand stroked my cheek, and he gently turned my face so he could look me in the eye. "I'm not mad." He assured me earnestly. "It happens. Bella you're alive and you get to love and to be happy, I can't take that away from you."

"It's Edward."

He nodded. "I know it is. I watched you every night, and a year ago you would cry at night. You would wonder if I was watching. It hurt to see you cry and you know who was there to dry your tears? It wasn't me, it was Edward. He was there, despite what he was going through. He was there every day, keeping true to his promise. I knew eventually you would have to move on and now I see who it is. It's been a year and there's been one person who's always been at your side, I couldn't have picked a better guy. If you're happy, and Jake has a father on earth and Edward wants it, then what's stopping you?"

"You." I admitted.

"Don't let me, I told you to love me for a little bit. I knew all along that eventually there would come a time to let me go and you would resist. Don't resist Bella, fight for him. It sounds pretty dumb because you're fighting against him for him but it works. Just remember that I want you happy and he can offer you that, I'm not mad. There's no reason to be. You love him and he loves you and I'm gone, it's the circle of life. It's natural to want someone at your side, its human nature." He said with a shrug. I could see his sincerity and it did not surprise me.

He got up off the ground and he held out his hand to me. I took it and got up. He smiled and put his arms around me. "I love you, Bells. I will always love you but now it seems I'm not the only one."

I held back sadness, being in his arms made me feel as if he was never gone. "I miss you." I croaked. "Life is so hard…I wish it wasn't."

"But when you achieve happiness it feels oh so good, what would happen if life was easy and you achieved happiness? It wouldn't feel as great." His words made all the sense in the world. "Now get back out there, fight. Fight for your life, fight for him. You have my blessing and so does he, he just doesn't know it. Let me go Bells, I know you can."

"I'll never forget you." I whispered. He smiled a beautiful smile, a happy smile. He put his hands on either side of my face and leaned in to kiss my forehead.

"Now go, I better not see you here any time soon. Never give up on happiness because it's there, it always is."

I took a deep breath and we pulled away. "Thank you."

"Remind my son of how much I love him," He grew a bit sad. "Tell him I'll always be watching over him."

I nodded. "I won't let him forget it."

**EPOV (Edward)**

As a kid I spent so much time here in the hospital, I knew my way around here like I knew my home. My father used to take me out to the empty OR's and to the galleries. He snuck me in so I could watch his surgeries.

My father was soon arriving but they had already taken Bella in. I knew the process well. They wouldn't give the family updates for hours at a time. I went down to the surgical wing and found the OR board. I looked for Bella's name, she was in OR 3. I found the gallery to the OR and when there was a clear hall I snuck in. It was empty. I sat in the front row that watched over the table. It sort of freaked me out, seeing her so physically vulnerable.

I sat there for about an hour and it seemed to be going well. I watched as they attempted to put her back together. I had been so quiet so when the door to the gallery opened I jumped. I wasn't even supposed to be here. I turned slowly and found my father in his white coat. "Your sister told me you'd been gone a while, I figured you had found your way to the gallery. You always did it as a kid. You'd come and sneak into my surgeries."

I shrugged. "I always found it interesting."

"You're not supposed to be here."

I nodded. "I know."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine, Jake is doing okay. His fever is below the dangerous level." I muttered.

He took a seat beside me and watched, as I did, down below at the surgeons. Suddenly I saw the attending panic. I followed his eyes to a machine. I was up too far I couldn't see what had made him react that way. "Dad, what's going on?" I demanded, he knew, I knew he knew. He hesitated. "Dad!"

"They're losing her." He said almost inaudibly.

"NO!" I roared. "Don't say that. Oh god no, dad, I can't lose her. I can't." I almost wanted to say _'Do something.'_

"Edward." He said in an attempt to calm me.

My heart ached and a knot formed at the base of my throat. "Dad she can't die." He said nothing. "She's all I have." I said breathless. "I love her and…she doesn't know that. I can't lose her." I was completely losing my mind, I thought of a world without her. I was lost and hopeless. I was on the verge of tears. The thought of losing her consumed me.

"Edward, calm down."

"I can't." I tuned out every noise around me and concentrated on keeping my cool. Earlier before I found the ER, the officer informed me that the collision was caused by a drunk driver named Joaquin Leonard. His name left a bad taste in my mouth, because of him she was in there _dying_. I was losing the love of my life to a drunk driver, to a stupid teenager who knows nothing of life.

My dad shook my shoulder after a few minutes. "They've got her, it was close but she's there. It's almost over." His words shook me out of the panic I had been in. "The surgery is going well, we should step out."

"No."

"Edward, you're not supposed to be here. I actually came to get you, Jake is waking up and he's confused. It would be nice for him to see you." He made it hard for me to say no though I wanted to make sure she was okay. "Edward she's a strong woman, she's going to make it." I knew that for a fact.

I nodded. "Let me know when it's over." I finally said. I had to go check on Jake.

I got up and pried myself away from the gallery. I wrapped my arm around my rib cage, it was so painful. In all those years in the army never had I really broken a rib. I had been shot at, broken a bone, fracture a bone, dislocated a joint but never the rib and god, it was not pleasant.

I went up to the peds floor. I asked for him at the nurse's station and they sent me to a room. I saw my mother in there with him. I quietly made myself to the bed. "Edward, sweetie, where were you?"

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**The scene with Jake and Bella has been written since like Chapter 13, it was one of the first things I wrote. I loved it, that's just me though, you tell me what you thought of it.**

**PS. DID YOU GUYS C THE PICTURE OF THE WOLF PACK? It's amazing, Alex Meraz, is a very attractive guy. He plays Paul, he seems perfect for the role. I'm so excited for that and because Eclipse got a director!! (GO 2 Twilightlexicon (dot) com)Review.**

**~Toodles**


	28. Letting Go

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2008  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** –**

_My heart beats, standing on the edge  
But my feet have finally left the ledge_

_Like an acrobat  
There's no turning back_

_I'm letting go  
Of the life I planned for me  
And my dreams  
I'm losing control  
Of my destiny  
It feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe  
So I'm letting go_

_This is a giant leap of faith  
Trusting and trying to embrace  
The fear of the unknown  
Beyond my comfort zone  
__**–I'm Letting Go, Francesca Battistelli**_

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**EPOV (Edward)**

She ran into me with a massive hug. I groaned in pain. "Mom, I…really appreciate it but this is so painful."

She flinched back. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine…I always am." I muttered. I looked down to Jake. "How is he?"

"He's hanging in there, they said there is a nasty virus going around and he got it. The fever is under control but not fully gone. He got stitches to his head but there's no permanent damage. He's going to be okay, Edward." She assured me as I looked down on him with a saddened stare.

I sat down at the chair next to his bed. I took his hand and kissed it. "I'm sorry, Jake." I whispered. My eyes watered, the pain of my injury was nothing compared to the pain of seeing him like this.

The door behind me clicked open and a man came in. He was an African American male, he had guilt written all over him. I wondered what he was doing in here.

"Uh…are you Edward Cullen?" He asked. I nodded. "I…I came to…"

"You came to what?"

"Apologize." He looked past me to Jake. "I'm sorry."

"Who are you?" I demanded.

He hesitated, somehow he intimidated or just plain scared. "Joaquin Leonard."

At that moment I understood it all. "Get out." I hissed.

"I didn't know what I was doing, I'm sorry. I made a terrible mistake, I'm an idiot."

"Get out now or I'm not responsible for what I do."

My mother put her hand on my shoulder. "Edward, you're hurt just calm down."

"No, I won't."

"Is she okay?" He asked quietly. How dare he ask about her?

It was enough to send me over the edge. I rose from my seat and shoved him out the door, walking out with him. "I don't care what you say or what you do, but don't do it within my proximity."

"I made a horrible, horrible mistake. I get to live with that forever. I just need to know that they're both okay. I need to know that I didn't destroy an entire family. I deserve your hate but what you're doing is cruel."

"Just leave." I muttered with less hate than before. I realized that I was living the same life he was. Mistake after mistake and I was holding on to the guilt, the difference was that he didn't wallow and I did.

"You're not going to hit me."

"It's tempting, but seeing as I'm not quite able to do right, I won't do it at all. Go." He turned on his heel knowing I wouldn't give him anymore information. He was down the hall before I made up my mind. "He's fine, the child is fine. She…will make it." He stopped to listen to me.

"Thanks, I'm so sorry."

I nodded and returned to the room. Back inside Jake had woken up. "Hey buddy."

He looked tired and still sick. "Momma."

I had nothing to say, what do I say? _'Your mom was on the verge of dying a few minutes ago, she's in surgery because bleeding on the inside,'_ that might not be something you say to a two and a half year old kid.

"I know you want to see mommy but she can't be here. But I'm here, okay." He looked up at me and nodded. "Does anything hurt?" I asked.

"Head."

I sat at the edge of the bed and propped him up on my lap. He rested his head against my chest. My ribcage ached but I ignored it best I could. My mother left for about twenty minutes before returning to join me and Jake. I had read him a story and he had fallen asleep.

"What happened?" My mother finally asked.

I shook my head. "Nothing."

"Edward, I mean in general. What's the whole story?"

"I don't get what you're asking."

"You kissed her, your told your father you loved her."

I avoided her gaze. Something about my mother never let me lie. It seemed pointless because somehow she already knew it all. She was a natural mother; she was born to raise Alice Emmett and I. "I want to love her freely." I confessed. "There are barriers between us and they're made of stone."

"Does she not correspond?"

I almost laughed. "That's what makes it so awful, she feels the same way. Mom, I want it so bad. I want her to be mine but I know that she's not. She's Jacob's, she always has been."

"Sweetheart, she loves you and you love her. I don't see the barrier."

"Exactly, no one knows what it feels like. He was my brother and I've fallen for his wife. It'd be like me and Rose. There's something so wrong with that."

"Edward, Jacob is gone and he wanted the best for her. You know he loved her more than anything in the world. A few days after he'd dated her for about a month, he had dinner with us, and you were in Europe. He said he'd met this beautiful woman who'd stolen his heart. He told me he'd do anything for her, he knew it sounded ridiculous but even then he would sacrifice himself for her. That's just how much he loved her from the start."

"Is this supposed to be helping?"

"Yes. Edward don't you see that if you make Bella happy then Jacob is happy. He wants her to live and you make that possible. You've known Jacob nearly all your life, deep inside, guilt aside, if he knew, what do you think he'd say? He's never been selfish or possessive, not about her. What do you think he'd say?"

She was so great at what she did. "He'd say…to make her happy." I replied defeated.

She smiled. "Now what's stopping you?"

"I need time. This is so hard for me. I need it all to sit there for a minute. I need to figure out if I can do this."

"Don't make her wait too long."

"I'll try." The remainder of the day I spent in the room. My mom brought me lunch but I had no appetite. My father eventually told me I could see her, she was out of any danger. I decided that I would stay with Jake and I would go to her during the night. She would be asleep for a while.

At about ten pm I left Jake and went down to her room. Her room was in the fifth floor, I got off the elevator and saw someone I'd never thought I'd see here.

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**Take your guess! I might not update for a while, im in a bit of writer's block so I momentarily moved over to my new story Another Night, but have no fear I have two other chapters written and I shall come back, the reviews will totally help, even more so if you have suggestions. Tomorrow unfortunately I have TAKS (Standardized state test, it's stupid for lack of better words but required to pass and graduate, tomorrows math and I don't remember a spec of Geometry since I did it over the summer, oh well I think I'll make it…Hopefully.) I apologize for the typos of grammatical errors, it wasn't too thoroughly revised. Leave you love.**

**~Toodles. **


	29. Fight For Love

**Title**** – **_You Found Me_

**POV ****– **Edward and Bella  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Fall of 2008  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** –**

_I'm ecstatic, I feel the magic. It's everlasting  
I think you were meant to be alive on this very night with me  
I see you clearly, your dream you hear about  
But never truly think it's realistic 'til it blows your mind  
I never thought that I could understand  
How I was such in need  
And now I finally see_

_I see that some people fight for love  
They stick with it, just can't quit it  
And some people hide from love  
They run from it cause they don't want it  
But when you've got a love and it's good like it should be  
Makes you never want to give it up  
Cause you know that some people die for love  
And I believe it's true because I'd do the same for you_

_You're the reason the air I'm breathing  
So don't go leaving  
Cause loving you is the only thing that ever really touched my soul  
I'll protect it, of my blessings  
Glad I kept it  
I never really thought about the future 'til I saw my life  
Finding this purpose, so very worth it  
And now I know love is really worth it and that's why_

_Some people fight for love _

–_**Fight For Love, Elliot Yamin**_

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**Fight for Love**

**EPOV (Edward)**

"Julia?" I asked shocked. "What are you doing here?"

She shrugged. I noticed she was still in her work clothes. "I heard what happened and I wanted to check if…everyone was okay."

"Oh, well…I'm good, Jake is getting better and I think Bella is okay, I hope so."

She smiled. "I'm glad. Dr. Kip has told me you're making progress."

"Yeah, I mean I'm hanging in there. How about you?"

"I'm hanging in there." She seemed hesitant to continue but she did. "How are you and Bella?"

"I'm sorry." I felt the need to apologize to her because she was right all along.

She looked at me confused. "Okay?"

"You were right, I was using you subconsciously. I thought that if I was with you the desire to be with her would fade away. I'm sorry for everything."

"We both were wrong, but it's done and it's over. I would hope you and Bella are working it out."

I looked away and began to walk, she followed. "There are so many reasons to try yet so many not to."

"I thought so, you're hard headed."

I chuckled. "That's what they say."

"Fight for her, love like that is hard to keep but even harder to find once again. Do it, Edward, don't run away. I have faith in you, you can do this. Don't think that what you're doing is wrong, because I believe that you are fulfilling the promise you made him. Fight for love, don't be a coward fight head on."

I shook my head. "Why are you so good to me? You've never steered me wrong in anything, despite our past you come to help me. Why?"

"I try to be a good person and I know that you two are destined to be together, I'm giving you the extra push you need." She said with a sincere smile. "I'm glad everyone's okay, I'm gonna go."

I nodded. "Thank you, Julia." She nodded and went on her way. I went down the hall looking for the room number my dad gave me.

The door creaked open and light spilled into the room. I saw her lying on the bed, she was vulnerable and my heart skipped a beat as I saw her. I took the chair and scooted it next to her bed. For a long moment I watched her sleep. I was so exhausted that eventually my eye lids grew heavy and overpowering.

**BPOV (Bella) **

I opened my eyes to the soft sun rise. Sunlight flooded the room. _I made it_, I said to myself. I refused to believe that what I had experienced was simply a dream, Jacob was there, and it was not debatable. Only he would've said things like that to me.

I turned and found Edward asleep. His head rested on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around his ribcage. He looked exhausted and uncomfortable.

I attempted to sit up, and I was successful probably due to the fact that I had had some medication because I felt stitches running down my stomach. I reached over and gently shook him. His eyes fluttered open and he groaned as he sat up in his chair. He rubbed his tired eyes and looked at me amazed. "You're awake."

"I think so." I replied with a smile. He stood up and I opened my arms, he lent over me and wrapped his arms around me, gently. My eyes watered involuntarily. "I love you, I know you can't say it back yet but _I_ can say it freely. I love you, I love you Edward Cullen." I whispered.

He froze in place. I so expected this reaction but this wasn't going to stop me. I slightly pulled back to where my lips grazed his cheek, and I gave him a slight peck before finding his tender lips. I wasn't going to give up so easily, I would fight for him how ever long and hard he needed me to. My arms wrapped around his neck pulling him closer to me he didn't hesitate as much as I thought he would. He kissed me back

After a few seconds he pulled away. "I'm sorry." He whispered. His face told me he was upset.

"It's okay, I knew you were going to react like this but I won't quit, I'm not going to give up on you. I almost died, Edward. I was so close to dying and…" I stopped short for words. I felt bad for simply giving up. "I gave up, I didn't fight to live. I am weak but I made it and I'll be damned if I'm going to give up again. I'll wait for you, and I don't care how long it takes. I…" I debated whether to tell him or not. He'd probably think I was a nut but maybe not.

"What?"

"I'm not crazy Edward. When I tell you I was close to dying, I mean it. You know that feeling when you think it's over." He nodded, I'm sure he knew the feeling. "It was beyond that, for that moment I felt nothing. I felt at peace and at that moment nothing mattered. I saw him…he spoke to me."

"What, who?" he asked alarmed.

"Jacob, he made me come back. He made me fight, I didn't imagine anything, he was there and I don't care whether you choose to believe me or not. It's true and he told me to fight for you against you." He was confused and had nothing to say. "I'm not making this up."

"You gotta give me time." He muttered after a long silence. "This is not e –"

There was a knock at the door, he turned and opened it. I saw Lane and Dan. "Miss you're alive." Lane screeched.

"How did you know?" I asked.

"We caught your brother in the office yesterday afternoon, we heard him tell the lady at the front desk and we figured you were here." Dan replied.

"Thank you so much for coming."

Lane turned to Edward. "Pardon me." She said. "Is he the guy?" she asked.

"Yeah, he sho do look like that man in the picture." Dan agreed.

I nodded. "Lane, Dan, this is Edward. Edward these are my students."

He greeted each of them. "I'm going to go check on Jake."

"He's okay, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'll see you later." He excused himself and exited.

Lane looked back at Edward as he left. "We interrupted something, right?"

I shrugged. "Don't worry about it, it's completely fine."

Lane rolled her eyes. "It was definitely something."

"I gotta agree with her, the guy looked like he had something to say. Sorry." Dan added.

"How was the sub?" I said attempting to change the subject.

"Horrible, he just kinda sat there and looked at us for an hour and a half." Lane replied.

I sighed, typical substitute teacher move. "I'm probably going to take the remainder of the semester off but I'll send some lesson plans and you'll get grades based upon them."

I continued to talk to them until they had to leave, they both had an off period which was over soon. I ended up falling asleep after a nurse increased my medication.

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I was later woken up by Carlisle. "I see you are doing well." He looked at me curiously and it made me wonder what he was thinking.

"Yes, it could be better but I think I'm going to be okay."

He nodded. "I think you are to." He continued to give me that look. I wasn't too sure what it said but it seemed as if he searched for something. He wanted to find something in me.

"Is there something you want to ask me?" I finally said.

"No…um it's probably not the time."

I laughed. "It's never really the right time for anything. Ask, go ahead."

"It's about my son."

"I see."

"I worry about him, it's hard not to. I worry everyday about my kids. Alice is with Jasper and everyday I wonder if she makes the right decisions. Emmett is still in Iraq and I wonder everyday if he still breathes the same air. Then there's Edward, he's my free soul. He's never been predictable. I never thought that he would ever want to be a soldier. Alice always knew she wanted to be a designer. Emmett is impulsive but I can still see what he does. Edward is not that way, he's very conscience about what he does, he always thinks about the outcome, or who it hurts. What's going on is difficult for him considering his situation."

"I don't understand why you're telling me this."

He chuckled. "I know a bit more than I think you do. Wait for him, he'll come around.

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That afternoon Edward rejoined me with Jake. He got permission to bring him. Jake was still hooked up to the IV. "Are we not going to talk about this?" I asked as I looked down at Jake who sat on my left side. When the medication wore off the pain was unbearable.

"Bell, what do you want from me?"

"I want you to stop acting like this isn't real. You don't believe that I was with him."

He shook his head. "That's not it. I want this to work but…"

"There's always a but, Edward." He said nothing. "It's one thing if you tried and failed, it's another when you don't even try."

He didn't dare to look me in the eye. "If I mess up, just don't hold it against me. It's a fair warning that I may not be what you expect, I'm as broken as you are."

I smiled. "Then maybe we'll make a whole piece together."

**EPOV (Edward)**

The decision was fast and painless. "We're taking it slow, right?"

She nodded. "There's no other way."

I went over to her left side and picked up Jake. I sat on the edge of the bed and she cuddled close to me. I wrapped my free arm around her. She fell into a deep sleep beside me. The door clicked open and I saw Alice along with Jasper come in. She stared in awe, she saw my undeniably adoring look and I watched Bella sleep. Jasper seemed unsurprised himself.

"How is she?" Alice whispered.

"Better."

Jasper stared at me with threatening eyes. "Edward I will kill you if you break what's left of her, she lost her husband, she doesn't need anymore pain. You had better get it together, either you want her or you don't. Don't play with her."

I nodded. "I know Jasper. This isn't a game for me. Give me the benefit of the doubt, I entrusted you with my sister, and try to do the same for me." I pleaded. I knew he had every reason to doubt what I was doing. I had proved to be emotionally unstable but I think I came do this. I can love, I can love her.

"You're right and I appreciate that but this is different. She's my only sister, she's my only family. I need to protect –"

"I do to, Jasper, I need to protect her. Just give me a chance to try, this is still in its testing stage."

"I believe you." He walked over to take Jake from me. "Just remember she's not the only one involved in this."

"I don't forget."

He nodded and Alice came to take his IV.

"Bye, Jake." Jake waved tiredly and laid his head on Jasper's shoulder. Alice smiled encouragingly and left behind Jasper and Jake.

Bella continued to sleep next to me. My arm was still wrapped around her. I looked over her and leaned in to kiss her forehead. It felt so right, how could something like this be wrong?

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**I'm almost at 200, I love ya all. Grace me with a long or short review.**

**Q: I have a few pages of out takes, how many of you would like me to post them so you all can read them?**

**~Toodles. **


	30. Author's Note

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**Author's Note**

So i have a few things to address. First I have put up the out-takes, it will updated when i post chapter 30 because there is another version that might seem interesting to you so check that out. Second, I have decided to split this story into 3 parts. It will all be posted here but I'll make it clear right now where they split. This first part started with Holding ON (1) and ended with The Thunder (14), the second part started with Somewhere Over The Rainbow (15) and will end with Mistakes (33) and the final part will start with Better Together (34). I don't know whether it bothers anyone but I'm going to have to do a bit of **_[a certain amount of time] later….._ **If I didn't then you wouldn't get a certain scene and that would probably be upsetting. The last part is going to be interesting and probably not as long as Part 1 or 2. Third, I appreciate everyone's review and encourage everyone to check out my new story.

Ps. I'll update tonight!

**~Toodles.**

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	31. Lucky

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward and Bella  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Spring of 2009  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** –**

_They don't know how long it takes  
Waiting for a love like this  
Every time we say goodbye  
I wish we had one more kiss  
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will_

_I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend  
Lucky to have been where I have been  
Lucky to be coming home again  
Lucky we're in love every way  
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed  
Lucky to be coming home someday _

–_**Lucky, Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat**_

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**Lucky**

_**Following Spring…**_

**BPOV (Bella)**

Edward, his family, Rose and I waited at the terminal. It was February, Emmett and the rest of Edward's old platoon were coming home. Their contracts were up for renewal except for the younger one he still had a couple years on his contract but everyone else had to choose whether they were continuing or not.

Rosalie waited up front for Emmett to arrive. Alice, Edward, their mom and dad and I waited close by. Rose was so happy Emmett was coming home, I was happy because everyone else was happy. I never really got to know Emmett but Edward said he was a great guy, I believed him.

Edward's arm was wrapped around my waist. His family knew what had happened, they knew our situation and they accepted it. Jasper was a bit hesitant but he got through it. Rose didn't really have an opinion on us. Jake squirmed in Edward's arms until he was finally put on the floor where he held Edward's free hand. We continued waiting with the rest of the army families until the announced that the plane had landed.

Soon the soldiers poured out of the terminal embracing their families. I pulled out my camera and shot new pictures for Angela's Gallery exhibition. In a frame I spotted Emmett and looked up to see him approaching us. Immediately he dropped his bags and embraced Rosalie as he picked her up in his arms. "Babe, I missed you." He put his hands on either side of her face. I snapped a picture and then felt bad for tainting the moment. I put the camera away and Edward took a hold of me once again.

Emmett continued by greeting his parents. "Mom."

"Sweetie, let me look at you. My baby is home." She cooed.

"You're home my son." Carlisle said.

"Alice! Didn't know you were home and…in a relationship." He said veering off to look at Jasper.

His eyes then shifted to us, his mood immediately changed. "You've got to be kidding me." Immediately we pulled away. "That's a nice way to cope." He sneered.

"Emmett –" Edward tried to say but Emmett wouldn't let him get a word in.

"No, Edward. You don't think that it was hard for me to know that he was gone. I knew him just as long as you did but I got up and I went back out there, I didn't give up I fought for 18 months all the while you shack up with his wife." He hissed.

I felt the need to say something. "Wait, Emmett it's not –"

"Don't talk to me like you know me," He said curtly. "You, there are no words for what you've done. He loved you at no end and you forgot him so easily, you turned to his best friend. You two deserve each other."

"Emmett." Esme said softly trying to calm him.

"Just…Forget it." He picked up his bags and walked off with Rosalie right behind him.

"No! You don't get to judge me, Emmett." Edward called out. "You don't know what I've been through. You don't know what she's been through. So, no, you don't to judge me."

Emmett stopped short. "He was your best friend, she was his wife, he was his son and now you two are together. It's disgusting, it's unforgivable." Upon that he left.

He left us all shocked and with no words. "I'll talk to him, Edward. You know it's hard when you come home. He doesn't know what's happened." Carlisle said.

**EPOV (Edward)**

I had no words to explain just how deep his words got to me. In theory he was right, any person in their right mind would think likewise but he doesn't know how hard it's been. He doesn't know anything from the reason I got discharged to the accident, he doesn't know anything and I really can't blame him for not knowing and for reacting this way. His anger did come as a shock to me. He might look like an angry person. He's big and a soldier, he just gives off that vibe but he's my brother and I've known him for my entire life and this anger wasn't usual. I let it pass me by just because my father was right, it's hard coming back and getting out of soldier mode, I knew that out of experience.

For days I didn't see Emmett, he would avoid me at all costs. A couple days after his return I had lunch with Kyle, Sam, Seth, and Juan, Emmett didn't show. I told them the truth, I told them why I got discharged and I came clean about Bella. They were out skeptical about it but I told everything because they deserved to know. They were some of the closest people to him and they had the right to know the truth about my actions.

Tomorrow was Valentine's Day and I wanted to do something special for Bella, she deserved something special. My mother agreed to Take care of Jake tomorrow night, she and my dad were having a dinner at home and Jake would be asleep so he wouldn't be a trouble. Alice was happy to make a nice dress and help me get her ready despite her objections.

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I felt like a high school boy, I was jittery about tonight. It was ridiculous, I've been on dates before, there was no reason to be nervous but as it happened I was. I drove out to her house. I took a second look in the rearview mirror before I stepped out to knock at her door. I had bought a dozen red roses and I held them in my arm as I waited for the door to open.

She promptly opened the door and revealed her gorgeous dress. It was a burgundy dress. There was a slit up her right leg and the dress hugged her curves perfectly. She was breathtaking. Her hair fell down her back in a light brown cascade.

I handed her the bouquet and she smiled, her eyes lit up. "You look amazing."

Her checks were flushed a deep scarlet. "Thank you, you clean up well Edward Cullen."

"I try." I replied with a chuckle.

She stepped in put the roses in water. "Shall we. Alice took Jake with her a couple hours ago."

I nodded. "We shall."

I drove her to an Italian restaurant in downtown Waco. It was a good looking place and I had made reservations since last month, it was a full house.

"Edward, this is such a beautiful place."

"I think likewise."

We walked in and a host walked us to our tables. He was definitely paying a bit more attention to Bella but I made sure he knew the situation. She ordered mushroom ravioli and I ordered a shrimp primavera. The food was great but my eyes couldn't stay off Bella. "Is there something wrong?" she asked a bit self conscience.

"Not that I know of."

"You keep looking at me and it seems like there's something wrong."

I chuckled. "You're beautiful that's all. I don't care if Emmett thinks this is treachery or not, I've learned my lesson. I want to do this, I want us to work."

"I do too. It's a shame he feels this way."

"I'm sure he'll come around eventually."

"So I have something for you."

I raised my brow. "You do?"

She nodded and in her purse pulled out a rectangular object. I hadn't even noticed that she carried something in her purse, to be fair it was a large purse. "It's something I've been working on at school."

I unwrapped, what seemed to be a framed picture. I tore off the last bit of paper and it revealed a black and white picture of me holding Jake above my head. The picture captured a beautiful moment. "Wow, it's…left me without words."

"I'm really bad at gifts." She admitted.

"I love it. It has a very large emotional value."

"I actually have something for you as well but I couldn't bring it, it's at my house."

She beamed. "What is it?"

"A surprise, I think you'll like it." I finished off my plate as she did hers.

"I'm done, we should go now."

"Okay," I raised my hand for the check. I left a single bill and we left. "I had no idea you were going to be so enthusiastic about it."

"Surprise, surprise." She said with a giggle.

I took her hand as we walked to the car. The drive back wasn't too bad, there wasn't much traffic and we soon arrived at my house. We walked up to my room. "So…what is it?"

I chuckled. "I think you'll like it," I over to the easel covered in a black cloth. "Go ahead."

She bit her lip and pulled the black cloth off to reveal the painting I had done for her. It was one I used for my last class last semester. It was the painting of her in the meadow. "Oh my goodness."

"You like it?"

She nodded eagerly. "It's just…I've seen this place before."

"You have?" I asked skeptically. This place didn't exist, it was a painting.

She studied to painting. "Yeah…when, when I almost died…this is what it looked like."

"Are you kidding?"

"No, this is it. It was a beautiful place, it was like a meadow."

"I take it that you like it."

She set the painting down and hugged me. "I love it." She pulled back slightly and I pressed my lips to hers.

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**So what do you think about what's going on with Emmett?**

**Ps. I lied Part 2 ends with CH. 34 Like a Star. I'll post the original CH. 30 in the outtakes.**

**~Toodles.**


	32. Rise Up

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Sometime in the Future  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** –**

_What's in your heart  
What's in your head  
Its one of the other these days  
The quick or the dead  
Sometimes we gotta fight  
So don't you complain  
Cause I never promised this  
Would be easy babe_

_You and me are gonna rise up  
and they will be surprised, yep_

_And every things weird  
But soon they'll be gone  
Cause are whispered words  
are louder then bombs  
so don't you lose faith  
say its no fun  
cause we've come to far to stop  
before we're done  
_–_**Rise up, Ben Lee**_

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**Rise Up**

**EPOV (Edward)**

Months had gone by and Emmett had refused to speak to me. There was something significantly different about him and Rosalie for that matter. I didn't see them often but when I did there was something off about them. I feared that I wasn't the only one who'd been battered by war. I had no solid proof, though. I had no way of proving my suspicions. I had seen him about five times in the nearly four months he'd been back.

"Bell?" I asked out into the next room while I sat in the couch flipping through the channels with Jake. Alice was with her, getting her ready for graduation, not her own but her students.

"Yeah." She called back.

"Are you ready?"

"NO!" Alice replied.

"How much longer? Jake is tired of waiting." She pretty much knew that was code word for, I'm tired of waiting.

"I don't know." She whined. She hated when Alice prettied her up, I wasn't too fond of the time I had to wait but the outcome always seemed well-worth it. I waited a few more minutes until she emerged.

She wore a light blue dress, not too formal, not too casual. her hair a silky straight. "Let's go, we're going to be late."

"You look…great." I muttered in awe.

Alice came to stand beside me. It was as if she looked at her own creation. "Was it worth the wait?" I nodded reluctantly. "I don't want to hear it next time."

Jake jumped off the couch and started out the door. "We have fifteen minutes to get there." I grabbed the keys and she followed me out the door with Jake.

"So, have you talked to Emmett?" She was bad at lying so I knew the fact that Emmett was mad bothered her.

I shook my head as I took a left turn to the main road that would take us the location of the event. "Nope."

"There something wrong isn't there?"

At least I wasn't crazy. "Yeah and I don't know what, since he got back neither he nor Rosalie have been the same."

She nodded in agreement. "I hope it's nothing serious. It was so hard for you. On the bright side you've come a long way."

"It was definitely hard and exhausting. It never really ends it just gets better."

She took my hand and kissed the top of it. "Nothing is ever easy but I think it's always worth it."

Soon we arrived, late I might add. We slipped in the back just as they began to announce the graduates' names. I remember the day of my graduation I wanted to get out as soon as possible. I was leaving the same day for Europe, Jacob was in training, and he graduated just not with the rest of us, I had already broken up with Tanya so there was no reason to be enthusiastic about it, I remember literally leaving right after I got my diploma. My mother was not happy with me once we all got home.

I recognized the girl and the boy from the hospital up on stage. Bella had taken me to meet her class a couple times. They all knew me as _'the guy from the picture.' _I was famous. There weren't more than 350 graduates and soon they tossed up their caps and joined their families. Bella, Jake and I joined them as the group of students walked out into the crowds of families. "Congratulations all of you!"

Lane, I believe, smiled and gave her a hug. "I can't believe you came, Dan, Eric, Kim and I are going out tonight, and it's our last day in town. We're heading out to the Texas Tech campus. You should come. We're having dinner with our parents and then meeting up."

"I don't know." Bella began to object, it didn't surprise me at all.

"Yes, you were our cool teacher, you were awesome and we're leaving. You have to come." All the students came and joined Lane.

"Edward come on, make her come." Lane requested.

"Bella, it's their last night. You'll live." I promised her. She pouted but agreed.

After our dinner and the students' farewells, I took her to my house. It wasn't too late and we were going to hang out, probably watch a movie.

As I drove into the driveway I noticed there was another car. It looked like Rose's car. "Why is she here?" I asked aloud.

Bella and I hurried to the door and were shocked to see what was behind it. Rosalie was on my couch crying her eyes out. She looked up at our entrance and revealed her blackened eye, the blood running down her face, the bruises on her arms became evident and make-up ran down her face.

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**What do you think happened? It's a nasty cliffy but an incentive to review, so review because I know you all want to know the cause of this.**

**~Toodles. **


	33. Push Her Around

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Sometime in the Future.  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** –**

_Cover up with make up in the mirror  
Tell yourself it's never gonna happen again  
you cry alone and then he swears he loves you._

_***  
A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect  
Every action in this world will bear a consequence  
If you wade around forever you will surely drown  
I see what's going down._

_I see the way you go and say your right again,  
Say your right again  
Heed my lecture  
_–_**Face Down, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus**_

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**Push Her Round**

**EPOV (Edward)**

I had this sinking feeling that I was right in my suspicions. I feared the worst. My heart went out to her. She looked both physically and emotionally battered. "Rosalie, what happened to you?"

She cried harder. "I'm scared." She sobbed as she struggled to catch her breath.

"Dad, what happened?" I asked.

"I don't know Edward, she won't say anything. She came here about 15 minutes ago." He replied as worried as I was.

I knelt down on the floor before her. "Rosalie, I want to help you and I know something's wrong but I can't exactly read minds, tell me what has happened." I cupped her face and tilted her head to me. She had a light bruise on her lower jaw. It wasn't fresh. "It was Emmett, wasn't it?" I finally asked.

She didn't dare to look me in the eye as she denied the accusation.

"Rosalie, don't lie for him. Either he did this or he didn't. Look me in the eye and tell me the truth. Did Emmett hit you, has he done it before?"

Slowly she shifted her eyes to me. "I can't blame him Edward! He was asleep, he was hitting me and he didn't know it."

"What happened tonight?"

Her body shook with her cry. "We'd gone to bed after dinner and he woke up and he started choking me and I managed to get away and I ran but he came after me and just started hitting me he wouldn't stop." She bit her lip. "He didn't know." She repeated

"He was asleep."

She nodded. "The first time he did it he woke up the next morning not knowing what he'd done so I lied and I told him I'd fallen. He doesn't know but tonight he came back in the middle of what he was doing. He came to."

"Where is he?" I asked. She was unwilling to tell me, I knew that. "Rose you have to tell me. He's going to keep doing this if you don't help me help you."

"I still love him."

"I know, but love isn't supposed to be this way, it's not supposed to be this painful. Rosalie, where is he?"

"I don't know, Edward! He left and he never came back, then I came here."

I nodded. "I believe you, Rose."

"We have to take you to the hospital, Rose. Something may be broken. I promise I'll get a doctor to check you out and he won't tell anyone." Carlisle said.

I got up and I helped her up. I tried to get her up right but she grabbed her stomach. "What's wrong?"

She groaned in pain. "I think it's a rib or something."

I took her to my car and told Bella to sit back with her. My mother stayed with Jake, she would tell Alice and Jasper once they got back from wherever they were. My dad rode shotgun.

"I cannot believe he did this." I muttered angrily. "I never thought he was that guy, the guy who beats his girlfriend."

My dad sighed. "I know. I'm as blown away as you are. There's got to be a reason. I didn't raise you two like this. I've never set that example."

"It's not you dad, I think it's something else. He loves her, I know that but something's gone wrong and he didn't take care of it prior to his return. He wasn't conscience and he was hitting her, there's something so wrong about that. Meanwhile, I don't think she should go home to him."

"She can stay with me." Bella offered.

"Rose," I began. "I know you don't want to file charges or to do anything right now but I think it would be safer for you to stay with Bella."

She hesitated a bit. "I don't know."

"Rosalie, I know you love him. This is shocking to me as well, he's my brother but the fact is that he's dangerous to you right now. Hear me out, don't be that woman who takes the beating, who's passive about it. I know you and you're not that girl." I assured her. It worried me greatly. Emmett was definitely going through something. He would never, in his right mind, hurt Rosalie this way. The reality was that he wasn't in his right mind.

I pulled up to the ER and my dad and I got Rose in to the Woman and Infants section of the ER. We were met by a female doctor and she saw Rose immediately.

My dad waited with us out in the lobby. He couldn't clock in. It wasn't his shift or his area. We waited and meanwhile Bella fell asleep beside me, with her head on my shoulder. Finally the doctor came out to meet us. Bella woke up.

"The baby is fine and she'll be able to go home tonight, that is if she won't be pressing charges. It's just that it was domestic violence." We were all stuck on the baby part, we didn't listen past that.

"Baby?" My dad asked for us all.

"Yes, I'm sorry did you not know? She's a couple months pregnant; the baby did not receive any injuries. It's actually a miracle after the beating she got. We're cleaning up her wounds and an officer is on his way. I'm sorry Dr. Cullen, I understand the situation but we must report it as what is a domestic violence case. I know he is your son but we take care of the victim, it's a safe haven and we must report it."

My dad nodded. "He's not a child I can't protect him anymore."

"You can go in and talk to her if you wish to."

She led the way to where she was being treated. We arrived at the same time as the officer. "Miss. Hale I understand that you may not want to file charges." The officer began.

"I'm not going to do it, you can't make me. Leave." She hissed.

"Miss. Hale this is a very serious case, your life and the life or you child were in danger."

"I said I wasn't going to press charges not that I was going back home." He left upon her outburst.

I stepped out following the officer into the hall. "Officer." I called out. "Emmett Cullen, her fiancé, is my brother. We were both enlisted in the army. I was discharged a while back but he just returned a couple months ago from Iraq. He's been acting out of character. I don't think he's done this consciously. He didn't even know she was pregnant, she didn't either. No one did."

He nodded. "She's not the first woman who's refused to file charges and sadly not the last." He muttered as he walked away.

**BPOV (Bella)**

Rosalie and I have never been close but I felt so sorry for her and her baby. "Did you know you were pregnant?" I whispered.

She wiped off her new tears and shook her head. "If I knew that there was a baby in me, I would never have allowed what he did to me to continue." She wrapped her arms around her stomach. "My sweet baby."

I went over to her and sat beside her. "It's gonna be okay."

"You don't know that. Emmett is not the same person he once was. He's angry all the time. I'm carrying his baby, what am I going to do?"

"You're going to take care of your baby and you're going to stay with me."

"Why do you want to help me?"

"Because life's so hard and it's harder when you've got no one."

"Do you think there's something wrong with Emmett?"

I shrugged. "I don't know but it's likely. Edward was different, I'm sure, and the war changed him. The war has taken so much from me, it took my husband and when I finally could breathe again, when I could live again as a normal person, when I found someone I cared about, it made it so hard. Edward was broken and he was hurt but he made it, he's come so far and it's because he's wanted to. If there is something going on with Emmett, he's capable of fixing it."

She nodded. "I love him so much. I love this beautiful baby, his baby."

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Edward was upset I knew he was. It was so shocking to him. We dropped by his house and picked up Jake then drove to my house with Rose.

I brought out some blankets for her and got Jake into his pajamas, Edward helped me with Jake.

"Do you want me to stay?" He asked.

"I think she will feel safer if you did."

"Do _you_ want me to stay?" he asked once more.

I smiled. "Yes, I would appreciate that."

"Alright go ahead and get ready for bed, I'll finish up with Jake." He offered.

I went to my bedroom. On the way over I saw that Rose had already fallen into a deep sleep. I took a quick shower and put on a tank top with sweats. As I dried my hair there was a knock at my door. It was Edward.

"Do you want to sleep in here?" I asked.

He paused but ultimately agreed.

I climbed into bed and Edward, cautiously, did the same. "Good night." He whispered.

I reached over to kiss him but for the first time I tested his limits. It was wrong of me but I couldn't help it. I knew that he got caught up in the moment because he reacted in a way that I would never expect him to.

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**So here it is, two more chapters PART 2 will be coming to an end and I will start the final part! Please leave your love in a lovely review!**

**~Toodles.**


	34. Mistakes

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Sometime in the Future.**  
ummary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** –**

_This time, This place  
Misused, Mistakes  
Too long, Too late  
Who was I to make you wait  
Just one chance  
Just one breath  
Just in case there's just one left  
'Cause you know,  
you know, you know_

_On my knees, I'll ask  
Last chance for one last dance  
'Cause with you, I'd withstand  
All of hell to hold your hand  
I'd give it all  
I'd give for us  
Give anything but I won't give up  
'Cause you know,  
you know, you know  
_–_**Far Away, Nickelback**_

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**Mistakes**

**BPOV (Bella)**

He kissed me back feverishly and rolled over so that he hovered above me. I felt butterflies fly out of control within me. I wrapped my arms around his neck to bring him closer and eliminate the space between us. I didn't know what this was going to lead to, I wasn't sure if it was going to go much further than this. I hadn't slept with anyone out of wedlock. I knew it was wrong so I didn't do it. My parents sort of invoked that in me though it was more for the 'don't get pregnant before marriage' thing but everyone knows you should be married, religious or not.

His hands wrapped around me and ran up my back, beneath my shirt. I shivered at his touch and let out a soft moan which brought him back and out of the moment.

He immediately pulled back. He sat at the furthest edge of the bed. "Edward I'm sorry."

"Bella, I'm not comfortable with that. I…look I've made mistakes in my life and I just don't want this to be one of them."

"What would be that mistake?"

"You know I care about you, you mean so much more to me than a one night stand or just fondling. If we're going to do this, we're going to do this right. I also know that you're tired of hearing this but I need time to say those three words to you, I need time to decide where I want to take this. We've only been together for six months, just a little bit longer, Bell. I won't sleep with you, not like this, not unless –" he stopped short.

"Not unless what?" I pressed.

"Uh…nothing." He stood up. "I'm gonna go, you'll be fine. I don't think Emmett knows where you live."

"Edward you can't just leave like that, tell me."

"There is nothing to tell."

"You were going to say something."

He shook his head. "No I wasn't."

I decided that he wasn't going to budge. "Fine." I said curtly. "I'm sure we'll be okay without you."

He sighed. "You can't be mad at me. What I was going to say doesn't mean anything okay."

"You were going to say married."

He flinched. "Yes but I wasn't thinking right."

"I…don't want to get married."

He nodded. "I know."

"I'm sorry."

"I wasn't asking Bella. I don't expect you to want to marry me. We're not ready for this."

"Maybe, in a couple years when everything has settled down," I managed to choke out breathlessly.

"I don't want you to marry me, not now. Don't feel like you have to. I mean this in the most considerate way; I don't want you to marry me Isabella."

I took a deep breath. "Okay, I can live with that."

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The next morning I loaned Rosalie some of my clothes though her body shape was nothing like mine. I did manage to find some clothes that fit her. She used some of the make up I had to cover up her cuts and bruises. I had never felt such pain for someone. She was beaten and now she had a baby on the way.

Even through the make up I saw all the wounds though I knew it went oh so much deeper than that. He was hitting her in his sleep, he at some degree was as innocent as she was.

"Are you hungry?" I asked Rose, as Edward bathed Jake and got him ready.

"I'll have whatever you're having."

"You okay?" I asked, concerned.

She forced a smile. "I'm just a bit shaken up…" Her smile faded when she could no lie. "I'm scared of going home, I'm scared of him. It started out as nightmares and it turned into a full out beating. I couldn't stop him. He was so out of control."

"You'll be fine." I assured her.

We proceeded to making breakfast. I decided to make some waffles. It was a wonderful Saturday morning. By the time Rosalie and I were done Edward had finished with Jake. We were just sitting down to begin breakfast when there was a knock at the door. I quickly got up and opened it. I didn't look to see who it was I just opened it.

I found Emmett on the other side of the door. He looked terrible. His eyes were tired a red rimmed. His hair was out of place, he looked like he'd just fallen off a tree or something. When I realized it was him I slammed the door.

"Bella, I know she's there! Please let me see her. Rosalie!!" He called. "Rose, babe please!"

I locked it and put my back to the door. I saw Rosalie get up, frightened.

"I got it." Edward said getting up. "Bella come. Stay inside, I'll take care of him."

**EPOV (Edward)**

I walked out to find Emmett begging to come in. "Edward you've got to let me see her. I didn't know, all of a sudden I opened my eyes and I beating her." He said breathlessly. "I didn't know. I need to see her."

"Emmett she's scared. I won't lie or be nice about this. You've left marks on her body that may heal but you've wounded her soul and that's not easily taken care of."

"Damn it Edward, you're talking to me like I did it on purpose. I came back for her, I signed off because of her. Then I suddenly open my eyes and…I'm beating the shit out of my fiancée. It's literally waking up to your worst nightmare. I saw her and I couldn't think and…I just left and when I came back in the morning she was gone. I swear I didn't want to do this. I need to see her, for the love of god let me see her."

"I told you she's scared of you, she loves you and there is no doubt of that but she's scared. You've done this before."

His eyes widened in horror. "No I haven't."

"Yes you have."

"NO! I didn't, I have never done anything to her. Edward you have to believe me, I don't remember."

His desperation was overwhelming. "You've just never woken up, but you've done it before. She said that you would wake up in the middle of the night and attack her then the next morning it was as if nothing happened."

He turned his back to me and sat on the first step up to the porch where we were standing. He gripped the sides of his head. He literally wept. Before I could approach him the front door opened and Rose slowly emerged. I saw her fear but I saw her sadness as well. Slowly she made her way past me and to him. She sat on the same step beside him.

"I'm sorry, Rose. I didn't know." He laid his head on her shoulder and she held him, as frightened as she was. Bella eventually came out holding Jake at her side. She looked at them as amazed as I was.

"You're scared, right?" he asked quietly but she didn't reply. "Please tell me the truth." After a short moment she nodded. "Me too, I'm scared of me too. Rosalie you never said anything, you should've. You know I love you and I would've have never done that, if I knew what I was doing." He looked up and saw her face. "Your beautiful face." He caressed the marks on her face.

"I'm pregnant." She blurted out softly.

He froze and pulled away. He got to his feet and didn't face her. "Oh, god. What have I done?" He continued to walk away into the driveway.

I went down the steps and walked after him. "Emmett the baby is okay." I assured him but it had no effect on him. "Listen to me, don't just walk away. Don't let this beat you."

He whirled around to face me. "What makes you think it hasn't already? I've completely lost everything. I've become a low-life who beats his girlfriend every night. My life is falling apart. My fiancée is scared to death of me. I could've killed my own child. Do you understand that? My baby could've died at my own hands and she would've never forgiven me for that, maybe she still won't forgive me now."

"So what do you plan to do about it?"

He shrugged. "I don't want to hurt her or my baby. If something happened to my child I could never forgive myself."

"You know the day I returned from Iraq. I guess you don't know, I never told you why I was discharged… I have PTSD and let me tell you it sucks, yeah there are times when I've felt that I've lost everything in my life. There are times when I literally wanted to kill myself and you know what got me through everyday of hell?" He waited. "She did, she made the hell all worth it. Bella took my crap for as long as she could, I don't care what you think Emmett. But she loves me despite just how broken I am, despite how trashed my life has been. Every day she has dealt with my guilt and my fear, she's waited for me, patiently."

"What about Jacob?"

"Look, Jacob was my best friend and you know that. I swore to him that his family would always be safe. I'd like to say I've somewhat kept true to that. I tried so hard to comfort her, for one year I would never see her smile, for one year Jake would ask for him, for one year I tried to mend that void in there lives. Don't you dare accuse me of taking the easy way out. When I told her that her husband was dead, what do you think it felt like? I completely shattered every hope in her, at that moment I wished to pick up bodies in the front line than to be doing that at that moment. In the process of helping them they became my life, this may sound sick and twisted to you but they became my family. I loved Jake, as if he was my son and I fell in love with the woman who survived the storm. I am so conscience that this is not usual. She…"

"She what? Why is she so okay with this?"

I sighed. "There was an accident, it iced over and we had a small collision with a car but then a drunk driver hit us from the right side. She had internal bleeding, I went into the gallery, where we used to go as kids, and I watched her surgery, it seemed to be going okay but then they started losing her. She says that she was so close to him and that he told her to fight for me, against me. She says that he wants her happy, he wants her to live."

For the first time Emmett said nothing for a long while. "I can't say that that makes it okay, I don't know what to do with that at the moment. Right now, what I need is to…figure out what's wrong with me. I need to be able to be with her and not hurt her. I need you to help me piece everything back together."

I nodded. "We'll figure something out. I actually know someone who can help you."

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"Hello?" Julia's soft voice answered.

"Hey, it's me. Edward."

"Oh, hey how are you?" She replied clearly surprised by my calling. "Do you need something?"

"Sort of…yes actually."

She laughed. "I thought so, what's up."

"Julia I need you to help my brother, I know I'm crossing the boundaries by calling you on a Saturday and at noon but it's really important."

"You realize I'm not following what you're saying, what exactly does he need help with?"

"He…he recently returned from his last tour. Yesterday Rose, his fiancée came to our house and she was beaten by him."

"Edward I'm not the police. That should be reported."

"He didn't know what he was doing." I clarified.

"Oh." She breathed. "Okay." She sighed, not sure what exactly to do. "You want to know what I think?"

"Yes."

"There was a case a while back when this happened, the soldier's wife came to me and told me what was going on. He had horrible memories from Iraq. He came back to Richmond Hill, Ga., in August 2003. His memories turned him into a man she doesn't recognize. He lashed out in anger at her and their 21-month-old son. Those awful dreams told him to beat his wife because, in his sleep, she's an Iraqi."

"What happened?"

"I don't know, you know I don't specialize in that, maybe at this point I should. Listen bring him to my house and we'll take it from there but everyone has to face it, he has a disorder quite like yours if not the same."

"That wouldn't be shocking at all."

"I'm sorry."

"No ones as sorry as he is."

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**Next Chapter is the end to PART 3! Please review, my favorite part of this chapter was the last conversation with Emmett and Edward, I loved it. What was yours? Please share.  
**

**~Toodles.**


	35. Like A Star

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Sometime in the Future.  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – **_**This is the last chapter in Part 2.**_

Just like a star across my sky  
Just like an angel off the page  
You have appeared to my life  
Feel like I'll never be the same  
**–Like A Star, Corinne Bailey Rae**

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**Like a Star**

The months passed us by. There was no set feeling for it all. Emmett was officially diagnosed with PTSD and he was so scared of himself. He would never allow us to leave him alone with Rosalie. He was scared to hurt their unborn baby. She continued to stay with Bella as did I upon a collective decision. Alice and Jasper were newly engaged. He proposed during the summer in London, where she met a client.

Bella and I still cringed at the word marriage, we didn't even know what we were. She was definitely not my lover, I refused to call her my girlfriend, that's not was she was to me, we're not just friends either, my best guess we were just…in love.

For years that's what we remained just…in love.

On, September 10, six years after Jacob's death I went to his grave. It was the first time I had been since he was buried. I asked him if I could marry her. I had gotten over my fear. I wanted her to be my wife but…somehow it still felt wrong. It seemed that the only way that I could do this is if I _asked_, I wasn't exactly expecting a response but I would've appreciated one.

"Jacob," I began. "I'm sorry if you resent me for this. What kind of friend am I? I fall in love with your wife and now I want to marry her. I've waited so long for someone like her, I just wish somehow you could…give me your blessing. I'm sure it sounds sick but what am I to do. After so many years of ups and downs I've finally come to a place in my life where I can be with her. I've come to a place where everything isn't so bad. My parents are happy. Emmett is hanging in there, just like I am. He's keeping his marriage together. Alice is happy, she is a happily married woman and I'm so happy for her. It seems like it's getting a bit easier.

Sometimes I used to think that dying isn't so bad, sometimes coming home is harder. When I came home alive, it felt like shit. Why did I have to make it? After I returned I was basically kicked out of the army because I couldn't mentally take all the stress. Emmett came home and he would beat Rose without even knowing it, he almost killed their son. For 2 years they didn't sleep in the same bed because she and he both were scared of what would happen.

The troops have returned now from Iraq but in essence the war continues within the soul of every soldier who's returned, some are still out there fighting in Afghanistan where it seems like it'll never end, others are preparing for the rising conflict in the Middle East, everyone is fighting but the question is do they even know why they fight anymore. It seems to me that they don't, it seems like they point the gun at the opposite side hoping they live to the next day. I can't say that I wish I could still do it because I don't. It was hell and you know it just as well as we all do. Sometimes the life we're left with is no life at all but sometimes we're given second chances and we've got to take them. Bella and I have to take our second chance, I kept true to my first promise and now I make you a new promise. Jacob, I promise that when I marry her, Bella will be happy. I'll do whatever it takes to make her happy just like you would have." I dropped a yellow rose beside the tomb stone and wished him well in his after life.

I put my cool hands in my pocket trying to warm them. In my pocket I wrapped my hand around a ring box which held the ring I would use to propose to Bella. The cool fall air whirled leaves around me as I walked into the parking lot I noticed there was a burial going on. It was a soldier's burial, it wasn't uncommon, we did live near Fort Hood, so I had no reason stop but I did. A man who looked like the soldier's father stood at the podium giving his final thanks. "My son was brave and wise. He had this saying that he would say every time he would leave. He used to tell us that if he didn't come back that we shouldn't spend our time mourning because that would defeat the purpose of life. _What's a life if you don't live it?_"

I took that as my response. That night I asked Bella to marry me and she accepted under the condition that I wouldn't allow Alice to make this a big wedding. I was happy to comply. I limited Alice to 125 guests. She was the maid of honor and Angela and Rosalie were bridesmaids. She hated me, Alice wanted me to have a wedding quite like hers which was about 400 guests but I refused. Billy surprisingly understood everything and he was happy to walk Bella down the aisle on the most important day of my life.

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The ceremony was a fast and simple. All I really remember is watching her walk down the aisle. Her dress was backless with a two straps over her shoulders. It was fitted down to her knees then it flared out beautifully. She smiled the whole way down never taking her eyes off of me. Her hair was pinned up into a loose bun with loose strands of hair framing her face, and it was adorned with a white lily. The entire place was empty as far as I was concerned, all that mattered was that after five years happiness had finally reached me.

"So you're finally moving in?" Jake asked once the ceremony was over.

I chuckled. "I think that would be appropriate." I replied.

"Good, I finally get to have my dad at home."

"I'm happy you think of me that way."

He smiled. "I vaguely remember my dad but you were with my mom all the time. You're my dad."

He was only seven but he was a smart kid. I bent down to give him a hug. "Thank you."

"So where are you taking mom?"

"Mexico."

"Why can't I go?"

"Well because you'll be staying with us." Alice said as she joined us holding Julie, her two-year old and Jasper held Jamie's hand, his 4 years old son.

"I want to go to Mexico."

"And miss the fun at our house? What's wrong with you?" Jasper joked.

"Yeah, what does Mexico have that we don't?" Emmett joined in.

"Mexican people." Jake replied.

"What? We have Mexican people, look Juan is Mexican." Emmett said gesturing over to Juan and his wife.

"I'm not going to go am I?" Jake whined.

"Sorry, baby." Bella said. "You'll have fun, we'll only be gone for a week."

"We'll go ahead have your official first dance before your plane leaves." Alice said. She motioned the DJ and the song I first danced with her at my parents' anniversary party.

I took her hand and led her to the dance floor. "How'd you know?" She asked.

"Come on I remember our first dance." I slipped my arm around her and quickly everyone gathered around.

_You've got this look I can't describe  
You make me feel like I'm alive  
When everything else is a fade  
Without a doubt you're on my side_

_Heaven has been away too long  
Can't find the words to write this song  
Oh, your love_

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We left at about seven pm and arrived in our hotel in Cancun at about nine that night. Turns out we were really late to the airport and she didn't have time to change. She hated the way everyone stared at her as she walked through the airport and into the hotel. Her dress wasn't too formal but definitely noticeable. But it didn't matter once we got up to our room.

I dropped our bags on the floor and I approached her. She smiled as she flushed a scarlet red. "I love you." She whispered.

"I would hope so, you did just marry me." I replied with a chuckle.

I reached up to free her hair of the few pins that held her silky hair up in a loose bun. I pulled the last pin and her curls tumbled down over her shoulders. She looked up at me through her thick eyelashes. I put my hands on either side of her face and proceeded to press my forehead to hers.

Our lips met and they began to move in sync. I walked foreword and gently led her down to the bed. She tugged at my blazer and quickly took it off. I rolled over so that she would be above me and I could more easily shed her dress. Her body slowly revealed itself to me and exceeded my every expectation. It was like something I never imagined.

Soon she helped me dispose of my attire as well. She left a lingering burning trail with her warm touch when she grazed her hands over my skin.

That night was every bit as satisfying as anyone would imagine. The feeling could not be matched.

"It was definitely worth the wait." She murmured against my abdomen, where she rested her head. Her hand grazed dawn my thigh fingering one of my more visible scars, the one I received on my last tour. "You can barely see it."

"I guess you're right, it's had time to heal as has yours." I replied grazing my hand over the thin line down her side.

She softly pressed her lips to my skin. "I guess scars have a way of repairing as well."

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**I Personally, love the ending scene, its sweet! This is the end of Part 2 and I'll soon start Part 3, as a heads up it will premiere Jake's POV and he'll be 17. Please tell me what you thought of it, i will soon start part 3.  
**

**~Toodles.**


	36. Better Together

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Sometime in the Future.  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – Part 3! Jake's 17 and he get's his own POV. **

_I believe in memories  
they look so, so pretty when I sleep  
Hey now, and when I wake up,  
you look so pretty sleeping next to me  
But there is not enough time,  
There is no, no song I could sing  
and there is no combination of words I could say  
but I will still tell you one thing  
We're Better together  
_–_**Better Together, Jack Johnson**_

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**Better Together**

_**10 years later…**_

**BPOV (Bella)**

"Hey are you okay?" I murmured over lunch.

Edward flashed me a crocked smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. I've just realized that ten years of bliss goes by quickly, I must say."

"Bliss? So we're not counting our very many fights where pillows have flown?"

"Who needs to know that?" He replied with a smile.

"Of course, so are you picking up Aimee and Charlie from Rose's?"

"I…don't think I am, I can't, there's an event at the Gallery." Crap, I totally forgot about it. Edward's art school had a Gallery adjoined to it and they had an event tonight for the students going in this fall. He worked at this small private Art School, he worked in the visual arts departments but the school offered, dance, vocal, and music training along with visual arts.

"Ah! I can't either, I have a shoot today and editing." I had cut down my hours at school, I was only teaching 3 days a week, during the year and then I was doing ads for this agency. I was working full-time at the agency this summer. "I'll just get Jake to do it, he'll pick them up and bring them to me."

"No it's okay, tell him to bring them by the school and they can hang out there."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's fine I'll get them to do something there. They'll be easily entertained." He assured me.

"I'm so sorry."

"Bella it's fine, we're busy people." He said with a sigh.

"This just takes up so much time."

"But you love doing it, its fine Bella. It'll be okay."

"I barely see Jake, he's never home when I have chance to see him. There are days I'm there and I don't see him. I don't ever see Charlie or Aimee."

"Look, Jake's not two anymore. He just turned eighteen; he'll be okay on his own."

"Aimee and Charlie aren't though and you. I don't see you often, I just feel selfish."

"Bella, love, we're fine."

I failed to believe his convincing words. He was a great liar but I wasn't, I couldn't even lie to myself. For the past couple of years I had picked up more jobs and I had been neglecting my family. I didn't want to be that woman, the woman who forgets anything and everything regarding her family. I glanced down at my phone and jumped up. "Ah! I have to pick some stuff from school and I have to tell Jake to pick up Aimee. I'm so late. I'm so sorry."

He shrugged. "It's fine." He'd said that so many times that it just came out, he didn't even have to think, and I don't think he realized he was lying anymore.

I quickly but shamefully, picked up my purse and my phone then ran out to my car. By the time I was at my car I realized I hadn't even given him a goodbye kiss or anything for that matter.

**EPOV (Edward)**

I watched her hurry out of the restaurant. What had become of us? After so long, had I lost myself, had we lost ourselves? I guess after so many years we've sort of gotten a bit distanced.

"You look so lonely." I looked up to find the waitress. She was a youngish blonde woman.

"I'm fine."

"I guess you're used to it. She kinda just walks away every time."

"How would you know?"

"I guess you don't notice the fact that I serve your table every time you bring her here. I watch you let her go every time. You're a good looking man, you're sweet, pardon me for what I'm about to say but you deserve better. She's so caught up in her work that she blows you off and you kinda just take it."

I had no idea why I kept talking to her, she was a complete stranger but it seemed as if she saw me when Bella didn't. It's sad that a complete stranger sees you more than you're wife. "I don't get what you're saying." I lied.

"Okay, you're that guy."

"What guy?"

"Never mind, just forget it." She picked up the plate Bella had left and went on her way.

I sat there for a minute longer thinking everything over. I have definitely been ignoring the fact that Bella and I are falling apart and I don't know what to do about it. She spends so much time doing what she loves, shoots. She loves going out there and being a photographer. I simply can't take that from her, I can relate. I teach in a private art school and I love it but I come home every night, I don't forget her or my children. I don't blow her off and concentrate on everything but my family. I don't want to make her feel guilty for it but by doing this I'm helping her distance herself. I tell her its okay but it's not. I try to compromise but it's getting to the point where Aimee and Charlie are noticing. Jake knows, he knows everything he's not a child anymore. He just graduated this year, one year early. He's been out of high school for a couple of months and he just turned eighteen. He confessed that he's hasn't got an idea what he's going to do. Though lately he hasn't spoken much, I sense he's upset because of what's going on. But what can I do? If I tell her, then I fear we'll collapse and part of would rather live together in this lie.

**JPOV (Jake)**

For about the hundredth time I drove past Fort Hood Recruitment office. There was something about that place that made me want to stop. It seemed like the ideological thing to do. I would join the army after I graduated. That's what I wanted to do, it sounds so practical but I wasn't quite sure what to do.

Without thinking it through I pulled into the recruitment office. As I walked in my phone rang. It was my mom.

"What's up?"

"Where are you?"

I looked around the office and decided she didn't need to know just yet. "I'm….I'm….I stopped at the gas station to get a bottle of water before heading to practice."

"Oh, I need you to pick up Aimee and Charlie then take them to you dad at the Gallery." Figures, she wanted something.

"Okay." I said in monotone.

"You know I'm sorry, Jake. I'm sorry I'm never there." Her apologies didn't have any effect on me. She went out and did her thing all the while knowing that she had a family back at home that needed her.

"You're sorry and I get that, is there something you want me to say?" I asked.

"No." She said quietly.

"Well I'll pick them up. I'll see you at home, maybe."

"Bye, Ja –" I shut the phone before she finished. My mom was so busy, she simply isn't there and at some point I can't ask her to stop, and I would never do that. She'd been through a lot before she married my dad, she'd like to deny it, but she quit because of me. My dad wouldn't ask her either, he was there when she was a mess, this makes her happy and he's not going to say no to her. He'll say no to me but not her, he is so in love with her he doesn't see what I see. No one sees it, Aimee and Charlie are too young, my mom is too busy and my dad is too in love. No one sees that we're slowly falling apart and I refuse to witness that. I refuse to witness their defeat, he's been so passive about it and he won't acknowledge that she's wrong in what she's doing. There's a difference between knowing and not doing anything about it, like I am, and not even acknowledging what going on before you. I fully acknowledge that there's something wrong, I'm not the husband in this so it's not my place to do anything about it, there's nothing that leads me to believe that my dad will consider what I'm saying.

"Hey can I help you?" A guy came over to me, he was a recruiter.

"Uh, nah I got the wrong place." I muttered. "Thanks anyway."

"Are you sure?" He sensed my hesitation but he was right. I didn't know whether to stay here and do it behind my parents' back or ask them. No one knew why I was here or that I was here. I had just lied to my mom, Kate, my girlfriend doesn't know either. She and I have developed a strain in out relationship and it's not going to get better if I lie about this but it's so different now. Kate hasn't been my Kate, a few months back she and I bought into the teeny thing to do, we got carried away and well we went way too far and now she barely talks to me. We had discussed it and we decided we would wait to have sex until we were married, it was the right thing to do but that's out the window now.

Kate, since she was three knew what she wanted to do when she graduated, she wanted to dance. She loved it and she always had a set goal and I didn't. I never knew what I wanted to do. I just went with the flow. I graduated early with her because I wanted it to be over but it's not because I had a plan, because I didn't not until now. I'm eighteen; I want this because if I don't decided, then I don't know what is going to happen. Kate is leaving to Tisch next year for the spring semester, I know we're not going to be together as often but this is my calling. I want to enlist but I'm not going to do it behind everyone's back. It definitely won't help my parents' marriage, I would have to mend that myself because it looks like they have no interest in it then I'll have to suck it up and just tell them. _I'm going to enlist in the army._

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**SO how did you like, I have a completely different version of this chapter, there are three versions and this one seemed the best. I'll post the other versions later. Please tell me what you think about it?**

**~Toodles.**


	37. Your Life

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Sometime in the Future.  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** –**

_And after what you are  
So time must still stop  
So I waited here all day by your side  
It's starting to wear on my pride  
So go do what you want  
And I won't ask why  
'Cause I'm leaving all this by my side  
And I'm starting to wear on my pride_

–_**This is Your Life, Low VS. Diamond**_

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**Your Life**

**EPOV (Edward)**

Late that night after the gallery was over I drove Aimee and Charlie back home. The driveway was empty as usual, she wasn't home yet. _Okay, you're that guy_ the words from the waitress rang in my head. She was probably right. I was that guy who took all the crap. I guess I was trying to pay her back for what she put with all the years it took me to recover from the war. I guess this way we'd be even.

"Daddy." Aimee asked. My sweet little girl, she was beautiful she looked just like me except for her hair, her hair had a tint of chocolate brown. She was the youngest of the three. Charlie was 9 and she was 8. "Where's mommy?" I dreaded that question.

"She's working." It was the only answer I had to give.

In the rearview mirror I saw her face drop. "Come on, let's got get your brother so we can go out to dinner."

As a gift from above Jake complied, he agreed to go out and have dinner with us. We went to a nearby restaurant. It was pretty silent except for Aimee and Charlie. Before dinner was served I told the little ones to go wash their hands.

"Hey, dad?" My eyes shot up. "It's not just me is it? I can't possibly be the only one that sees this." It was the most I've hear from him in a while but I wasn't sure what he was saying to me.

"What are you talking about?"

Suddenly he became angry, I knew that face. It had been 16 years, I knew him very well. He was about to make a very strong statement and he was sure he was right. I prompted his initiation. "You're completely blowing off the fact that she's never home. You act like it doesn't matter but you're so good at lying that you don't even know what's true and what's not. You don't see that you two are falling apart and I'm not saying this for me because I'll be leaving in a few months but Aimee and Charlie won't be. You think they don't know what's going on? They're witnessing you two fall and I'm not going stand at the sidelines and watch you let it happen. You haven't done anything, you don't tell her a damn thing, you're so passive it makes you worse than she is. She is oblivious to this but you're not, you're ignoring the whole situation and that's your fault. So when you two get a divorce do not blame it all on her and do not act like you never saw it coming."

When two people tell you off about your wife, it's certain they've got something going. One was a complete stranger and the other was your son. You've got to consider the odds. "You really think that?"

"I don't think a damn thing. I know it because I see it. The worst part is that you don't seem to care."

"Jake, what do you want me to do? What would you do? This is all she's ever wanted."

"Don't give me that. You're her husband. You should know what to do but if you're willing to sacrifice your marriage for her happiness then you really don't care about Charlie and Aimee." It was like a hit below the belt. It just so happens that he's right and I'm just not.

Jake got up and went to check on Aimee and Charlie. They returned and we had dinner but when I saw their faces I decided, that I love them most of all and I won't let this persist. I'll do whatever it takes.

I couldn't talk to Bella that night because she came home extremely late so I settled for the morning. I went down and poured me a cup of coffee. I waited for her to come down. Eventually she did, she looked at me confused. "You're up early."

"We need to talk, Bell."

"About what?"

"About our so called marriage."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She demanded

"Take a look at us."

"So now there's something wrong, but yesterday we were magically fine. I asked you, Edward."

"What did you want me to say, Bella?"

"The truth, that's all I ever wanted."

"You really want the truth?" I asked and she nodded. "The truth is that you've become a ghost in our lives. I'm fine, I can deal but your children can't. You're ignoring them and they will resent you for that."

"That's not fair."

"It's not fair to me. I have to tell them everyday that their mother is at work, she's busy, just a little bit longer. Now that's not fair. Jake hates me for letting this happen to us so you know what, you figure out what matters the most before it's too late."

"Is that supposed to mean that we're getting a divorce if I don't quit my job? Are you threatening me?"

I shook my head. "It's supposed to mean that you need to make a decision. What matters the most to you? The divorce is not up to me, I would never file. It's not something I would do, what would be the difference? I have no marriage eitherway."

"Edward, I'm sorry if I seem inconsiderate. Tell me what to do and I will do it, tell me how to fix this."

"No," I said. "I'm not going to tell you what to do. Remember to drop Aimee and Charlie off at Alice's, Rose can't do it today."

"Edward I'm sorry."

"I know." I muttered as I walked out the door.

**BPOV (Bella)**

"Bella!" I snapped my head up to find Angela staring at me. She was sort of my partner now. We both went out and worked for this agency, we'd been doing it for a just over a year.

"Yeah, sorry."

"So what do you think?"

"About what?"

"The concept."

"I trust you, if you think its good then let's do it."

"What's wrong with you?" she asked, concerned.

"I'm just out of it, sorry."

"What happened?"

"My marriage is going down the drain, that's what's happening. Jake hates me and I'm ruining what took so long to build, the worst thing is that I never saw it. I don't know what to do anymore. When I'm home I just become so consumed with work that I act as if I had no family. That's so not my intention."

He nodded. Poor girl I was spilling all my troubles upon her. "Your husband is…trustworthy and sweet. He's also adores you so much so that he sacrifices his happiness for your own."

"So what do I do?"

"Whatever you have to." She said smiling kindly.

**JPOV (Jake)**

I packed up my sweaty clothes and picked up my bat after practice. I had joined the local baseball team my freshmen year and I hadn't left since. Ryan, my best friend, and I decided to join and we both loved the game.

"Hey Jake, where's Kate?"

I shrugged not having an answer. I hadn't seen her in weeks. "I don't know, after she got back from her audition she just hasn't been the same. She's not really talking to me."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing." He cocked his head. "Ryan, I don't know what I did but I guess I'll figure it out eventually."

"So what are you doing once school season starts, you didn't apply anywhere."

I shrugged. "Neither did you." I reminded him. He, along with Kate and I, graduated in three years. He was school smart but not quite 'life smart,' he never really had a girlfriend, well one girlfriend. He had a a girl that he hung around for a week then picked up an other one. We were nothing alike, personality wise but in essence we kinda were alike, it's just that no one knew it.

"I have plans my friend. Do you?"

"I haven't told my parents but I'm enlisting."

"Where?"

"The army, what else?"

"You're stupid, why?"

"Why not?"

"Your mother would rather lock you up than see you in the army."

"You don't know that?"

He scoffed. "Yeah, okay because she's really going to want her son in the army after your dad died there. You're delusional."

"I'm eighteen. My mother has decided she wants to do what she wants, why shouldn't I?"

He chuckled. "You're not the type to rebel, it's more of my thing."

"The point is that I'm doing this whether she lets me or not."

"Mhmm." He muttered as I walked away.

I was definitely not going to let anyone stop me from enlisting. I was eighteen and I didn't need their permission though it would help.

I arrived home that afternoon, I was shocked by what I saw. It was 5pm and my entire family was home, and together in the same room. It left me with an irking feeling. Usually my mother is never home at this time and if she is she's doing something for work.

I decided I was not going to lose my chance. "Mom, Dad, can we talk about something?"

My mom listened and my Dad prompted me to begin.

"Can we do this alone?" They walked with me into the next room. "Okay, I've decided what I'm doing this fall."

"I'm so happy for you." My mother replied excitedly.

"It's important that I have your support."

She nodded. "Sure, what is it?"

"I'm enlisting in the army." I just said it, I didn't even think.

"Absolutely not." My dad roared, I'd never seen him react this way. "You have lost all good sense. I'll be damned if you set foot within a training camp."

He brought to life the typical teenager within me. He talked to me like he owned me and it was something I couldn't tolerate. "It's my decision."

"You're not getting my consent."

"I'm not asking for it." I hissed. I soon lost control of what I was saying. I ran my mouth and left no room for thinking. "You don't get to tell me what to do."

"I am your father."

I cannot recall what brought me into such a defense mode but I let loose. "No you're not. You don't get to control me as if I were your son because I'm not. You're not my father so don't act like you can stop me. My father died years ago and you've tried to take his place ever since. The difference is that he was first, he was my mother's husband, he was my father and you're simply a usurper, so no, this is not your decision. Just because you don't want me to is not a valid reason. You all did it before, why is it different now?"

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**SO, how are we liking this? Let me know! Is there something I might need to tweak just say the word.**

**~Toodles.**


	38. What You Want

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward, Jake, Bella  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Sometime in the Future.  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** –**

_Show me how to lie  
You're getting better all the time  
And turning all against the one  
Is an art that's hard to teach  
Another clever word  
Sets off an unsuspecting herd  
And as you step back into line  
A mob jumps to their feet_

_***_

_Slowly out of line  
And drifting closer in your sights  
So play it out I'm wide awake  
It's a scene about me  
There's something in your way  
And now someone is gonna pay  
And if you can't get what you want  
Well it's all because of me  
__**–You're Gonna Go Far, Kid, The Offspring**_

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**What You Want**

**JPOV (Jake)**

My mother stepped in as if to protect him from me. "Jacob Black, you may think that this isn't his choice and that's something else completely but I have a say in this. You are my son and don't you dare open your mouth to retort at me. I have the right and I say no, if I have to physically keep you from that place, you better believe that's what I'm going to do. I won't lose anything more to war, mock my words Jacob, I'll do whatever it takes to stop you."

I was too angry to think. Everything I had said hadn't set in yet. I was furious. They talked to me like I was a child that they could put in time out. She wanted to keep me from doing what I wanted to do and that was not fair at all. Now she was a mother. "You can only stop me for so long." I reminded her. "If I want to do this I'll do it. You don't have to give me your consent, I'm eighteen."

**BPOV (Bella)**

"I refuse to see you in that uniform." I hissed. His new found decision had hit me hard but it wasn't shocking, Jake might as well have been only Jacob's son. He inherited nothing from me. Jake was strong minded, he was caring but blunt. He wasn't a liar and he never kept the truth from you. It hurt me so deeply to hear that he wanted to do this but I knew the idea would come eventually. Edward and I kept the real reason that he and Emmett were no longer enlisted. He didn't know anything about it and I considered the possibility that maybe he did need to know.

"You can't be a part-time mom. You can't step in when it's convenient. I'm doing this whether you want me to or not. People die all the time. It's what's supposed to happen."

Finally Edward stepped in. "People live and sometimes it's worse than death itself." My heart skipped a beat, I feared that Jake wasn't hear this. We had lied to him, as far as he was concerned, Edward quit.

"Say whatever you want but don't be a hypocrite. You joined, my father joined, my uncle joined, my grandfather joined, what is so different about me?"

"It's not the same war. My father didn't fight the war your uncle and I did. You won't fight the same war we did. It doesn't ever get better."

"Say what you need to say but I'm not changing my mind."

"What about Kate?" He asked.

Jake loves Kate, he would do anything for her but I don't think he would give this up for her. His mind is set. "Kate will understand." He muttered as he walked away.

"Edward, I can't lose him this way." I made my way over to him and I wrapped my arms around his torso. He took a brief step back but then quickly embraced me the same way. "I'm so sorry." I whispered against his chest. We knew each other well enough that he knew what I was apologizing for.

"I should've said something."

"You're not taking the blame for this, I should've realized what was happening and at some point I did but I ignored it and I do apologize. It's going to stop. I promise." I felt him kiss the top of my head. I hadn't felt so…warm in a long time. I guess I never had time to feel this way. "Edward I can't let my son do this."

"As much as he hates it, he's is my son as well."

"He doesn't, Edward. He said what he said but you know it's the teenager in him. It's very deep in him but without a doubt it's there." I looked up at him and bent down to press his lips to mine. It was the first time in so long that I felt this way. I had a new hope for us, we would make it.

**JPOV (Jake)**

I met Ryan at his house. He was with some girl he met on the stands of our last game. The girl had gotten up and gone to the bathroom. "So are you serious about this?"

"Yes, Ryan. I thought they would get it but I guess not."

"You told Kate yet?" Ryan asked.

I shrugged. "I told her what I was doing but I'm not quite sure if she was processing what I was telling her. It's not official but I think we're done, I think we've been done and neither of us have said anything."

"I'm sorry man."

"What are you going do about it? I just kinda want to know what happened. She stopped contact with me and I have yet to find out why. If I matter that little to her than I shouldn't make the effort for us."

"Well you've turned gloomy."

"That's not it. I just don't care anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to leave."

"You have a big mouth Jake, it's already gotten you in trouble and don't give me your shit about, I don't care, because you do. Say what you want but you're feeling the backlash of what you said."

"I can fix that, I said it because I was mad not because I meant it. They know that."

"What if he doesn't?"

"Why does it matter so much to you?"

"Cause you have a dad that cares and you're idiot if you jack that up. But we all know that you won't listen to anyone."

"Ryan, you know I didn't mean it, so what's the point in apologizing now. I'll do it eventually just not now."

"You're an idiot."

"F*** you."

"Alright, have it your way." I rolled my eyes. He got up and opened the door. "The door's wide open."

"Okay, my bad. I'm going to shut up," I promised. "Otherwise I'll end up under a bridge." I added quietly. "Can I just stay here for a couple days?"

"My mom is out of town, so yeah, why not."

"I just need to do it before they know and then they can't do anything about it." I said in a thought aloud.

He scoffed. "Yeah, okay. Enlisting behind their backs, that's a great idea."

"Can we just pretend, humor me and go along with me. I've had enough nagging for about a month."

"Okay so we're pretending." He faked a chuckle. "Joining the army is a great idea! You're mother is going to be so proud, oh! And your dad is going to start skipping down the road when he finds out, Go ahead join!"

"Thanks." I replied bitterly.

The girl walked back into the room. She was an unnatural redhead, with blue eyes and a frail structure. She was pretty, I guess. "You're joining the army?" she asked with a sudden interest.

"Yeah, tomorrow actually."

She smiled. "You're brave to go out there, I commend you."

"Thanks, I guess."

"So are we going out or not, the nights still young?"

I thought of Kate, at that moment wishing we weren't over. Everything, lately, has led me to believe I've got no business here. Kate's moving on, she's going to Tisch, at NYU. It's all she's ever wanted and I guess she's scared to tell me she's leaving. I knew it all along, I knew she would leave, it's her dream and this is mine. "You guys go ahead, I'm gonna have an early night. Have fun though."

"One drink, you're enlisting tomorrow, right?" Ryan asked, I wasn't sure if he was being condescending or not. "Trash yourself, and then sign away your soul."

I sighed. "One shot, Ryan."

"If we're lucky you'll forget about tomorrow."

"Don't hold your breath, I'm not forgetting. I will enlist tomorrow."

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**EPOV (Edward)**

Bella and I knew he wasn't coming back, not tonight. He was at Ryan's, if anything Jake was predictable. Even this, somehow I knew the army would appeal to him eventually and I dreaded every second of it. We trusted him enough not to do something reckless so we didn't look for him. He had to cool off.

"Edward, he didn't know what he was saying." Bella, once again, made his amends.

I decided to ignore her excuses. His words were the last thing on my mind. His plans, on the other hand, are what had me worried. "I have a feeling that he's not going to let this go. He's a stubborn boy. He was never rebellious, he was always proper, in every way. This just won't be one of those times, I fear."

"I'm not letting him do this. Everything I have ever had has been tainted with war. My life was turned upside down. Jake is the only one who I've been able to protect. He doesn't remember being a two year old so the death of his father wasn't such a big blow to him. He's my son, Edward, and I won't let him go out there to die or to come back broken." A tear escaped her, suddenly all the rough patches in our marriage didn't matter anymore.

I wrapped my arms around her and I held her close to me. "I'm not letting this happen to him." I promised.

We proceeded to calm Aimee and Charlie. They were both my children with Bella, they were beautiful and I loved then so much but I loved Jake the same way. What he said was something that hit me in the way that was unimaginable.

"Mommy, is Jake coming home?" Aimee asked.

"Not tonight, Aimee." She replied giving me a knowing look.

"Come on let's get ready for bed. Charlie, come on." I prompted. They were getting to the point where they could get themselves ready. At night Bella and I just gave them a goodnight kiss.

"I left the light on in the kitchen." Bella groaned.

"It's okay, I'll go down." I went down the stairs to turn off the light and I spotted the shelf where my army awards were displayed and above mine were Jacobs. In the center were his purple heart and his picture. He was something that was always within our marriage and soon he became part of it. It was such an awkward situation that it was difficult for us to simply forget. His presence was there but he never threatened our marriage, in the end we did it to ourselves. Bella took on so much work that she completely abandoned her family and I let it happen. It just goes to show that perfection doesn't exist and no one's the exception.

I remembered the days of pain I had when I returned home. I remembered how worthless I felt and how vile I believed myself to be. I remembered Emmett's return, how long it took him to be able to touch his wife. That's something that no one deserves. _"It's not going to be him, Jacob. Jake won't be the next one." _I vowed in a whisper.

**JPOV (Jake)**

"Are you completely sure about this, you sign and it's a done deal." I was here bright and early, throbbing head and all, but I was here and that was what counted. A sort of remorse hit me, I knew at some level, no matter how mad I was at my parents, this was a blow to their parenting skills. They had specifically expressed their feelings about this though with no evidence.

I nodded as I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Yeah, I'm sure." He handed me the pen and in a quick motion I signed _Jacob Black_ on the dotted line.

"Congratulations, Jacob Black. Welcome to the army."

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**Please review, even if you don't like it. Tell me what you do or don't want to see happen. PLEASE, reviews really let me know people are still putting up with me, LOL**

**PS. I have a BIG shout out for **_Puppy-named-Leah_** she flooded my inbox with PMs/reviews for this story, I swear it was every single one! I appreciate it so much, it was so nice. I hope she likes it, well I hope EVERYONE likes it**

**~Toodles.**


	39. My Voice

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Sometime in the Future.  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** –**

_Tell my mother, tell my father  
I've done the best I can  
To make them realize  
This is my life  
I hope they understand  
I'm not angry, I'm just saying  
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance_

_Please don't cry one tear for me  
I'm not afraid of what I have to say  
This is my one and only voice  
So listen close, it's only for today  
__**–Second Chance, Shinedown.**_

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**My Voice**

**JPOV (Jake)**

"I guess all that you need to know is that you'll be leaving for basic training in 5 weeks."

I nodded and excused myself. All I had to do was tell my parents…and Kate. It would be proper for me to officially end it. She didn't seem to take the initiative.

I drove to her house hoping it wasn't in vain. On the way to Kate's I came up with a few scenarios. If I told my parents that I had already signed there were only a few things they could do.

"_Dad, I enlisted this morning." I would start. _

"_Jake, I regret reacting the way I did. If this is what you want, I support you." _Yeah, I'm thinking…no.

_"Dad, I've got something to tell you." I would start once more. _

"_You've got my attention." He would prompt. _

"_I have, against your will decided to enlist. I know it's not what you want for me but it's what I want for me. Trust me, I've never given you a reason not to. Let me have my chance."_

"_Jake, you can't expect my full acceptance at this time but it seems there is nothing that can be done to change it." _It could be a possibility but not likely.

"_Dad I enlisted this morning." I would start one last time. _

_He would mask his anger with a poker face. "You don't know what you're doing."_

"_I'm living."_

"_Jake, you had better start thinking really well. This is not what you want, you don't want this. You can still change your mind, do it!" Yeah, this would be the one._

I was only torturing myself this way. I decided I would stick with my problems with Kate, they seems resolvable. She hadn't answered my call, earlier. I still had a small expectation that she would tell me what exactly happened. It's beyond me what happened. It was after _that night_, that what it's come down to but I still don't get it. It has to be something more.

I knocked at her door and she opened it. Kate, in now way, seemed happy to see me.

"Hey." She said lowly, emotionless.

She looked different, the same but also different. It had nothing to do with her appearance. It was something deeper that had changed. She refused to keep eye contact with me. "I'm just going to say it. For the record, you're the first."

"Go ahead." She replied, clearly uninterested.

"I enlisted this morning, that's what I came to tell you. Not that you care."

She bit her lip as her head hung low. "I care, Jake, believe me I do. I don't….I don't want you to get hurt in any way…I'm sorry."

"For what?" In my mind she was apologizing for something else entirely.

"I'm just really sorry."

She wasn't making herself clear at all. "Uh…can I use your bathroom." I didn't actually need to use it but I needed to buy time.

"My mom's taking a shower, you can use mine. It's through my room."

I nodded. I went up to her room, it was messy as usual. I went into her bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. I didn't think letting her go would be so hard, I guess at some level I was so used to having her with me, we'd been together for two years but that didn't matter anymore. Soon she would be leaving to NYC and I would leave for basic training. I dried my face with one of her pink towels. When I passed through her room for the second time I noticed the suitcase on her bed. She was packing. Her desk was clear except for a picture frame, a music bow and a snow globe of NYC I gave her a while back. I picked up the frame. It was a picture of us, back in our sophomore year at homecoming. When I placed the frame in its place I bumped the snow globe with caused the music box to fall over the edge of the desk. It landed open, face down. I bent down and picked up the pieces of paper that belonged in the box. I noted that not all of them were pieces of paper. One was actually an envelope folded twice. I unfolded it and saw that it was from a doctor's office, an OBGYN or so the envelope said. It was addressed to Kate.

I fought myself. I wanted to see what was inside but I had a feeling it wasn't good.

**EPOV (Edward)**

The next morning I called Ryan, I wanted to check on Jake but obviously he wouldn't take my calls so why bother.

"Hey Ryan, its Jake's dad. Do you know where he is?"

He hesitated. "I…I know where he is or was…but I don't think you want to know."

"Where's Jake?"

"I'm not supposed to be telling you this."

"Where is he?" I hissed, angrier than I should've let myself be.

"All I can say is that he's done what you thought he wouldn't dare to do. I have to go."

The air gushed out of me in one quick motion. Bella saw my state and approached me. "Is he okay?"

"I'm sorry." I said in a low tone, my apology was not only directed at her. "It's too late."

She took a sharp breath. "He didn't."

"He did." I confirmed. "Ryan insinuated that that is where he was this morning."

She dropped down to the couch next to me. "Edward." She cried. I wrapped my arms around her and brought her close to me.

I felt her phone vibrate. She gathered herself momentarily and answered it. "I can't do it, Hank…Fine, give it to her…I'll save you the trouble, I quit." She shut her phone and threw it on the table.

"What did you just do?" I asked bewildered.

She shrugged. "I quit the agency. It's not worth my marriage. It's not worth you. It took so long for us to be happy and I'm not going to be the one to ruin it. I can't be. Right now all that matters is that we find Jake, you have to tell him the truth. It's the only way he'll change his mind. Maybe there's still something we can do."

"What if we can't? Bella what if he won't or better yet can't back out."

"We have to try."

"I hope our efforts aren't in vain."

"We've made it through a number of things. We can make it through this."

I nodded. "Together we can do something. There's got to be something that can be done but first we must make sure he's enlisted." I picked up the phone and dialed Sam Uley. He'd begun working in the recruitment offices a while back.

After the third ring he answered. "Hey Sam, its Edward. I need you to do something for me. I need you to see if there is a Jacob Jr. Black in the system."

"Why?"

"We think Jake enlisted."

"Ironic." He muttered. I heard the keys of the keyboard while he had me on hold. "No but let me call the local office, hold on."

**JPOV (Jake)**

I pulled the paper out of the envelope and discovered a paper with a small note. I read it and I felt my heart drop. This paper revealed news that had me confused. I re-read the note time and time again but I could not come to a conclusion. This didn't make sense to me.

Apparently I had lingered in her bedroom and she felt the need to come up. Her eyes widened when she saw the paper in my hands.

"Where's the baby, Kate?"

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**Come on, give me something. Very few if any expected this. Tell me your thoughts on it. I think this deserves a couple words of feedback, PLZ. **

**~Toodles. **


	40. Nobody Sees

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)**  
Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Sometime in the Future.  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – One of my favorite songs of all time, is the inspiration for a fanfic that hasn't been posted yet, maybe it won't ever.**

_Who's gonna watch your back?  
Who's gonna reel you in?  
Who'll make surprise attacks?  
Who's gonna be there at the end?_

_Nobody knows just how it feels today  
Nobody sees how our hearts break_

_Who's gonna bring you round?  
Who's gonna let you sleep?  
Who's gonna break frown?  
Who's gonna fall down at your feet?_

_Nobody knows......__**  
–Nobody Sees, Powderfinger **_

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**JPOV (Jake)**

I repeated my question while she remained a mute. "Where is the baby, Kate? This says you were pregnant, 6 weeks. It's dated May of this year. Where is the baby?" I asked this because this all means that she would be four and a half months pregnant and she didn't look like it.

"I'm so sorry." She croaked.

"What did you do? Where is the baby?!" I demanded in fury. I knew what she had done but I refused to believe she was capable of such an atrocity. It was such a horrible thing.

"I didn't know what to do." She sobbed, she walked closer to me but I stepped back not allowing her to touch me. "I was going to tell you but then you told me about the army thing and I realized that you were going to leave me, alone. I was never going to go to Tisch."

"You didn't know anything. How dare you believe me to be so cruel? I would've never signed those papers. Had you told me I would've stayed. I would've given it all up for you and the baby and you know that. You've known me for three years and somehow you believe I would've left you. I don't think that's it, you didn't tell me because you never wanted the baby in the first place, you wanted to pursue your dream and you wanted to kill that poor child. It was not your child, it was mine too and you made the decision for the both of us. Now if you had guts to do that then you have the guts to tell me about it. Don't you think I deserve just that? I want the truth."

She squeezed her eyes shut and tears streamed down her cheeks. "I had an abortion" she replied inaudibly.

"When?"

"It doesn't matter."

"The hell it does. Tell me when."

I saw her struggle to catch her breath. "About two weeks ago."

"I didn't tell you about the army until 3 days ago, so don't you dare blame your actions on me. You did it because that's what you wanted."

"I was so scared."

Anger and sadness consumed me at that moment. I felt so empty and I had not an idea of why I felt this way. I never met the child, I never knew the baby existed but somehow the death made me feel awful. It made me think of what could've been. Looking at her made me so angry, I almost shook with fury.

"Jake." She said through a sob. "I feel so bad, I'm...I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have and I will never forgive myself."

"I guess we coincide because neither will I. You took away my right to him or her."

"Him." She said in a whisper.

"Were you never going to tell me?"

"I wanted to but I never found the moment."

I clenched my jaw. "There's never a time to tell someone you've killed a child, _their_ child."

"What can I do?"

"Nothing, Kate, do nothing, say nothing, just stay away from me."

"I love you, Jake. I know it sounds pathetic but I do and I never wanted things to turn out this way."

"You should've thought of that two weeks ago, it's too late now." I refused to let her see just how much this really hurt. I swerved around her and made my way to the door.

"Wait!" She called as I walked down the stairs. After a few seconds I heard her come down after me. She walked down ahead of me and stopped right in front of me. "I regret it so much and I know that means nothing to you but just how it hurts you it hurts me. I feel so empty and I feel so…horrible." In one hand she held a white envelope and with another she raised her hand to my face. Her touch was so cold and it didn't feel the same. She leaned in ever so slightly and I took her hand and removed it from my face.

"Stay away from me." I wanted to say things to her that I would've never imagined myself saying but I refrained from that.

"Here." She thrust her hand towards me. It was the white envelope. "It's the one thing I have and you deserve to keep it."

I didn't even open it I just left.

When I got home my parents waited for me but I merely gave them a hello and I walked upstairs. In my room I finally open the envelope. It was a sonogram picture.

There was something SO wrong with me. It hurt so much and I didn't know why. Before I knew it tears streamed down my face. I could feel the pain to my core. In the picture although it was a bit difficult I saw the small form of a baby.

"Jake! Open the door." I heard my mom call.

I ignored her calls and I took earphones, put them on and turned the volume up all the way. My eyes continued to be glued to the black and white form of the small child. New tears formed and for a long time my eyes were blurred with pain and hatred.

Later that night, after my parent's useless attempts to get me to come out, I went to the bathroom and I took a shower. In the back of my mind I couldn't forget anything, as hard as I tried I couldn't.

I put on some sweats and a t-shirt. I went down for a glass of water. I found the kitchen light on but before I could turn back I found my parents sitting at the table with a cup of coffee. "Sit down." My father said evenly.

"Yes." I sat down on the chair across from them.

"What's wrong, Jake?"

"I apologize for what I said. I truly do but…" I struggled for words. "I will talk to you tomorrow."

"If something happened, we need to know."

I shook my head. "Can we talk tomorrow?"

"No." My mother said. "Jake, just tell us what's wrong. We know you enlisted but that's not it, is it? Let us help you."

I formed a tent over my nose and mouth. "You can't help." I muttered.

"We can't if you don't tell us."

"My son is dead and you can't do anything about it." I finally said as I got back up. I turned my back to them and tired to flee but obviously I wasn't going to bed without giving them an explanation.

"What?" My mother exclaimed.

"If I tell you what happened in one sentence can I go to bed? Please." I begged and she nodded. "Today I found out that Kate was four months pregnant and she had an abortion. Now can I go?"

She was speechless. "Yes." My father answered.

**EPOV (Edward)**

I held Bella back. I told her not to follow him. "Edward, I've never seen him this way. Wow, this is a lot to take in."

"It is. I didn't even know they...well the point is what she did."

"That's horrible."

"It's not an excuse but she's only seventeen and she was going to Tisch."

She stepped away. "That's not an excuse or justification. I can't imagine ever doing something like that. She four months pregnant, evidently she knew it was a boy, which means the baby was alive and she never told him."

"Bell, you've got to back off of him. I know we have things to talk to him about but he's not going to talk about it, we can't force him to."

"You can't ask me to stand by as he's hurting this way."

"Give him some time." I myself was trying to refrain from talking to him.

The look on his face was so heartbreaking. There was nothing we could say to make it better. Obviously I can't empathize; I've never lost a child that way. I can never imagine what it feels like. He looked torn and I know it was painful for Bella to see him that as it was for me. I simply couldn't imagine how he felt.

That night Bella and I went to bed. She fell asleep in my arms as I comforted her.

I woke up to a gently tap on my shoulder, Aimee. "Daddy, where's Jake?"

"Isn't he in his room?"

She shook her head. "He's not there but his car is outside. Charlie and I looked for him all morning. He's not home."

I got out of bed slowly so that Bella wouldn't wake up. I walked Aimee downstairs where Charlie finished his bowl of cereal. I called his phone but I heard it vibrate against the counter. He'd left it, on purpose. I opened his cell phone and checked his messages.

_I'm going 4 a run at the park, comin'?_ - Ryan

_Yeah, c u there._ – Jake.

"Hey Aimee when your mom wakes up tell her Jake and I went to the park."

"I wanna come." She said with a pout.

I smiled. "Okay, Charlie can you tell mom we've gone to the park." He nodded.

I went upstairs and quickly changed into some jeans and a black polo. Aimee changed as well and met me downstairs. I took the key and locked the door. About 5 years ago a new park was built up the road. It could be seen from our house.

I found Jake sitting on a bench facing an empty playground with his elbows to his knees.

"Can you do daddy a favor and go play while I talk to your brother?" I said to Aimee. She nodded and skipped away. She was obedient and always well behaved.

I took the seat next to Jake but he merely acknowledged my presence then proceeded to stare back at the play ground, for a long time he was quiet and I didn't press him to talk.

"I don't know why it hurts so much." He finally mumbled.

"I am so sorry this happened."

"She never told me," he continued. "I never knew there was a baby not until it was too late. I have this hollow feeling in me, I feel so…sad. I feel disappointed. I thought Kate was better than that."

"I know you would've done the right thing had you known, in this case you can't feel bad because you couldn't have done anything. You have the right to mourn for him but it won't benefit your or her."

"I am at no age to be a father but I would've never resorted to this. It's a baby, how could she do that? It's a poor defenseless child and she got rid of him. She didn't give him a chance and she didn't give me a choice."

"I can neither give you an answer nor a justification, only she can."

"Why?"

I wasn't quite sure what he asked of me. "I don't understand."

"Why are you against me enlisting?"

"You've already done it, Jake. You did it behind our backs."

He nodded shamefully. "I did but why did you react the way you did when I first told you?"

"This isn't the time for this." I objected, fearing he wasn't ready for the truth.

"It's as good a time as any, I'm already miserable just tell me."

"Will you back out?" I asked hopefully.

"I don't know but it's not likely."

"Well…"

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**: (  
No one guessed right, oh well. I'm totally admitting that I have no idea how I'm going to end this story so I can't answer the question of how many chapters are left….not many, I think. If anyone has any suggestions they are so welcome and maybe it'll spark something in me and I'll end it on a good note. Please give your thoughts on this story, I adore reading them. They mean a lot. **

**PS. 4 more days left of school, I'm excited. I might start a new story or finally post my RachelXPaul one, IDK.**

**~Toodles**


	41. Sorry P1

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Sometime in the Future.  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** –**

_I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry I'm blue, I'm sorry about all things I said to you  
And I know I can't take it back  
I love how you __kiss__, I love all you're sounds, and baby the way you make my world go round  
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry  
This time I think I'm to blame it's harder to get through the days__**  
–Sorry, Buckcherry **_

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**EPOV (Edward)**

"Dad don't be scared, it can't be that bad."

I took a deep breath. This was not going to be easy, "You know how I met your mother?"

"After my dad died you two started going out? You never talk about it."

He was right, very rarely did we talk to him about when we met. At the age of 8 he began to ask about his dad. He always knew I wasn't his dad. It was quite clear that I wasn't, he looked nothing like me or Bella so people knew. Besides when he died people knew about it. They weren't too keen to our marriage, people judged, it was human nature. "Something like that. When your dad was about your age, he enlisted. He went to basic training the summer of his junior year, then he finished high school and he went to AIT, then he deployed for Afghanistan then a few times to Iraq. I, once I graduated went to Europe. I studied in an art school then I enlisted myself. About two years after your father enlisted he met your mom, in a ceremony where she was taking pictures. They got married and on his leave they had you. I never got around to meeting your mom. I was always either in training or on a tour. I had nothing to come home for so the army was…my life."

"Then why did you quit?"

"I didn't quit, I got discharged."

"Why?"

"Let me finish the story. On your father's first deployment, after you were born, I met your mom. Our colonel told your father that he was due to return one month later, but he didn't want to. His contract was done, he'd done over 6 years of active duty and the rest would be served on the reserve but the colonel said no. He made him go. I was to return a couple of weeks after your father left. At the time, being home was torture to me. Everyone had noticed that for a while, I hadn't been _me_. I hadn't been who I had been. They pressured me to go see someone but I refused and the day before I left for Iraq I had a…melt down but even then I left. A few weeks later there was an attack in a neighborhood, we went in after the group of men. Your father was first, he was our 'leader.' He was shot though, It was a blow to an artery and he bled to death before my eyes and I sat there unable to do a thing for him. At that moment he made me promise that I would take care of his family, of you and your mother. He made me swear that I would get help. When I returned I had to tell your mother that her husband had died and it was the most horrific thing I have ever done. She was broken and for about a year she was empty but I was determined to fulfill my promise to your father so everyday I would come to your house and I would take care of you two. It was all I could do to keep myself sane. I fulfilled every promise I had made your father, because to me he wasn't my friend, he was my brother. So when I returned, the same day I went to see a psychiatrist. That day I was diagnosed with PTSD."

"You have post traumatic stress disorder?" I nodded. "That's horrible."

"Emmett and I didn't quit the army, we were discharged. We were given the honorable discharge and we were let go. You don't see it now but my life was hell, there was not a day I didn't remember the bloodshed. On top of it all I had fallen in love with a woman that wasn't meant to be mine. She was my best friend's widow and that was the ultimate sin. For a long time I refused to believe it, we both did."

"I'm a horrible, horrible person I can't believe I said the things I said. I'm so sorry. I never knew."

"It wasn't something I wanted you to know. There's not a day that I don't remember the people I killed, you go in with an idea of what it is but it hits you hard once you figure out it's nothing like you imagined. Let me ask you something, why do you want to do this?"

He shrugged and looked away. "I feel like I have an obligation to this country, that I need to pay my debt to society and this seems like the way to do it."

"If that's what you're looking for, you're not going to find it in the Middle East, or Afghanistan. We've been at war with Afghanistan for over 15 years, we don't even know what we're doing, the man was found but we can't seem to be able to pull out. It took us 13 years to leave Iraq. We've been in the Middle East for 5 years. I'm sure every single one of those men and women out there has done things they've regretted. If you're looking to pay your debt to society don't turn to the army. Your mother can't take this. She can't lose you this way. What you're doing is cruel."

"I signed the papers."

The fact was that he had signed those papers and there was little anyone could do but he wasn't just anyone. The colonel from my time in service was still colonel and had debt to Jake. As much as he hated to acknowledge it, he knew what he'd done. "If you were to have a valid reason to join, I would at some level understand. That would be in a normal situation but this isn't one of them. Do this for your mother, for the sacrifices she's made for you, do this for the father you never knew. She can't watch you leave, it's her worst nightmare come to life. Honestly tell me you still want in after what I've told you. You can't say that I've lied because I haven't, what happened is true. So don't go out there out of spite, if you're going to go out there you better have a damn good reason to. You don't have it Jake, I know you don't. I used to see recruits just like you and they failed or they died. They went out there because they wanted the glory and you don't get that with that sort of ideology. So don't make a mistake and join because we told you not to. Don't do it because you want to leave this town, that's never the reason."

**BPOV (Bella)**

I woke up to an empty bed. I went downstairs and found Charlie watching TV. "Charlie where is everyone?"

He broke his concentration. "Park, Jake, Aimee and dad went to the park earlier."

"The park?" That was odd. We never go to the park, especially this time a day. "Why?"

"I don't know."

"What time –" I was cut off by my phone. "Hello."

"Are you gonna show up or not, take a look at the time." It was Hank.

"Are you serious?"

"Are _you _serious? It's about ten in the morning, the crew is waiting."

I couldn't believe him. "I said I had quit."

"We both know that was a spur of the moment decision."

"Hank, I thought my answer was clear. I don't have the time for this, I going through some things right now. Do you want a letter of resignation?"

"Bell."

"Don't call me that, you're not my husband."

"Isabella the crew is waiting."

"Let them wait all they want, I'm not showing up. I never started the project so I'm not binded to this. Let it go, I'm not doing this right now. As of yesterday I no longer work for you."

"You worked your ass of for this and now you're letting it go."

"I don't answer to you. You're neither my husband, as I've said before, nor god. In theory you're...no one. I have my reasons."

"What might they be?"

"Nothing that concerns you, now if that was all you needed, can I hang up now?"

He sighed. "You're going to regret this, Bell." He sneered.

"I don't think I will." I hissed as I shut my phone.

As if on cue once I shut my phone Edward, Jake and Aimee walked in the door. Jake looked…sad and heartbroken. "Good morning, mommy." Aimee sang as she came over to give me a hug.

"Good morning, love." Edward walked to me and gave me a peck on the cheek.

Jake, slowly, met my eyes. "Mornin'"

His monotone attitude lingered. For about a week, he gave me one-word answers. He moped and Edward and I stood by. He said that it would be best. Meanwhile, I applied to Killeen ISD.

"Maybe teaching is what I'm supposed to be doing." I said with a sigh as we walked out of the district headquarters.

Edward looked at me sadly. "I'm sorry you had to quit."

"I'll be fine."

"Did you ever think of opening a studio?"

As a matter a fact that never occurred to me. It would be something though. "I haven't but I really can't risk it. My marriage almost fell apart."

He smiled. "We got through it though, I love you Bell."

"You forgive me, right? We're okay."

"Yes. Only if you forgive me for letting it happen."

I nodded. "We're even then."

"Yes."

He and I drove home where Jake was with Aimee and Charlie. He voluntarily stayed home and watched them. It was rather shocking but I didn't question it. Edward had told me he'd revealed everything to Jake, everything about him and the army. Edward said that he sensed Jake's hesitation but that Jake had not yet confirmed he was backing out. I still had a hope. Something told me my prayers would be answered.

I got dinner started while the kids were outside playing baseball. Edward was out there with them. He was never a sports guy but he tried. I was steaming the vegetables when the door rang. They couldn't hear it outside so I moved the pot and went to get it.

As always, I opened without checking to see who it was. I saw Kate standing on the other side of the door. She raised her eyes to meet mine for a second before lowering her head. "May I speak to Jake?"

"This is between you and my son. I can't judge you for what you did but I can be angry."

"Are you going to let me see him or not?"

"That's not up to me, it's up to him."

**JPOV (Jake) **

My mother called my name. "Kate's here."

"Tell her to leave. She has absolutely no business here."

"You're not a little boy anymore, Jake." I knew what she meant by that. I sighed and went to the living room.

She sat on the couch and looked up upon my entrance. "Can we talk?"

"Get out." I hissed. "You're not going to find what you're looking for. I'm not going to forgive you for what you did so don't waste your efforts. If you want to do something for me, just leave me be. Go live your life as you wanted and I'll live mine. I cannot lie to you and say that I forgive you, I can't do it."

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The next morning I took some time to reflect. I realized that I had made some dumb decisions. I was impulsive, I didn't like that but I was born that way. I signed those papers and now…I regret it but I think it's too late. I realize now that I was wrong, he was completely right in what he said. I'm not doing this for the right reasons and if that's the case then I have no business doing it at all. I can tell my dad but…what can he do?

It was worth a shot. "You're right." I told him over lunch at his job.

"I know, do clarify if you may."

"I'm going in for all the wrong reasons, deep down I'm doing it because firstly I don't know what to do, second it was the one thing you both wouldn't let me do. I'm an idiot."

He studied my expression. "You're backing out, you're regretting it." He finally said with a smile.

"Hold your disappointment."

"Let's go."

I shot him a puzzled look. "Where?"

"Fort Hood."

"It's too late."

"No it's not, you haven't gone to basic training yet, if that were the case then yes it would be too late but people back out all the time."

"With a good reason not because they're idiot and decided to do it just because and know they've realized they've messed up." I began to say but he was already half way out the door.

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**This is part one of Sorry, there is second half that is not yet written. Maybe I'll begin tomorrow, I'm celebrating 'cause tomorrow is my last day of school!!!**

**Share your thoughts on what's going to happen. I've decided that since I've never done this before, not for this story. I'll give you a sneak peek at the next chapter if you review otherwise well…I can't really send it, lol. Give me a minute to write it though, on the plus side I know what's going to happen in second half of this chapter.**

**PS. I didn't really edit this too much so excuse the overdose of mistakes.**

**~Toodles.**


	42. Sorry P2

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Sometime in the Future.  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – This is the second to last chapter, I would like to say that this was my favorite story to write, I loved it. It was fun and it was different for me so i hope you enjoy it. ****There will be an epilogue ****and if you think there is something I should add please include it in the review. **

_I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry I'm blue, I'm sorry about all things I said to you  
And I know I can't take it back  
I love how you __kiss__, I love all you're sounds, and baby the way you make my world go round  
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry  
This time I think I'm to blame it's harder to get through the days__**  
–Sorry, Buckcherry **_

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**Sorry**

**JPOV (Jake)**

"Tell him Edward Cullen is here, I'm sure he remembers." My dad said to the receptionist. I wasn't sure what he expected, the colonel wouldn't see us…I don't think he would.

The woman went into the office and returned with an odd look on her face. "He says to come in."

My dad looked unsurprised, almost as if he it would be ludicrous if the colonel had said no. I followed him in and I saw the colonel, he was an old man but intimidating none the less. He studied my father for a long time. "Edward Cullen, what brings you back? It's been about 16 years since I last saw you, a long time."

"It hasn't been enough." I was missing something, that I knew but I didn't know what. "This is Jacob Black Jr." He said as if it meant something. I never went by Jacob, only when I was in trouble but everyone knew me as Jake. So in this case, for a reason unknown to me, my name meant something to this man.

He shifted his eyes and looked me over. "I should've known. I remember your father quite well. I remember you as boy." I was surprised he remembered me, I sure don't remember him. "You look just like your father." He continued. "It's a shame how things turned out." I heard my dad scoff.

"Yeah." I replied.

"We actually have a purpose." My dad interjected.

"I never assumed this was a casual visit, Edward."

"Jake enlisted, he leaves for basic training in about 2 weeks, and he changed his mind."

The colonel's brow rose. "I'm sure this is your doing."

"You owe us this at the very least."

"I fully acknowledge that. I know that I made a decision that wasn't in his best interest or that of his family. I can pull some strings but what I can't do is help you make him back out. I have to know that this is what he wants. Legally he can make his own decisions and you shouldn't interfere."

I decided this was my cue. "I made a mistake, I shouldn't have signed those papers. I'm not doing this for the right reasons. Colonel I don't want to join the army."

He nodded. "I understand and I get where you're coming from. It happens all the time, backing out isn't this easy but Edward has a point, I do owe you this."

"Thank you and for the record you never owed me anything, I don't remember."

He shrugged. "I remember. Let me the secretary to find you in the system and we'll get papers ready."

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That night I went to sleep feeling lighter. With this off my back I felt so much better. At about 10pm my phone vibrated. It was Kate and I automatically pressed the ignore button. It rang several times after that but I responded the same way. I eventually dozed off. I was in a deep sleep until my phone rang again. This time it wasn't Kate it was some number that I knew nothing of.

"Hello?"

"Am I speaking to Jacob Black?" A man responded on the other line.

"Yes, who am I speaking to?"

"George Allen." He was Kate's dad, why would he be calling me? This was making no sense. "Kate tried to contact you earlier?"

"I guess."

"My daughter is in an ER, she needs surgery due to a complication. I was told that that sort of complication could only be caused by an abortion. I'm not able to speak to her at the moment but I'm sure you can fill in the details."

I sat up in bed repeating what he had just said. Kate was in an ER, she was calling me for help and ignored her calls. I sighed heavily. "Mr. Allen, I am only able to answer certain questions. I…was not aware of this until about a week ago. I'll be there as soon as I can to answer what I can."

"I'll be waiting."

**KPOV (Kate)**

I curled into a tight ball as I hugged my abdomen. I had been in pain since _that_ day, but I chose to ignore it and now here I am. I am miserable and this is what I deserve. The doctors say when I had the abortion the doctor didn't fully remove everything and I need surgery to remove what the previous doctor left in my body.

"Ms. Allen, you've got to sign the consent. We have to get you into surgery."

"He's gonna come." I whispered. "He's gonna –" A sharp pain hit me before I could finish.

"We don't have time."

"I'm not going to sign then until he shows up."

The nurse sighed exasperatedly. She stood at the door of a room for a while then the door opened but it was a doctor. I looked up at his approach. "Kate, we have to do this now." The doctor said.

"He's gonna come. I know he is." I whispered, praying to god he would. Jake had to come. He wouldn't let me do this alone.

He sighed heavily. "5 minutes, Ms. Allen." I nodded.

I began to doze off. I woke up to the touch of someone. "Kate, just sign the consent." Jake whispered. I sat up and wrapped my arms around him, he didn't reject me. He embraced me, though I knew it wasn't whole hearted it still felt warm.

I began to sob against his chest. "I'm sorry I didn't pick up."

"I knew you wouldn't but I guess I had hoped you would." I murmured.

Even in the horrible pain that I was in, I didn't want to move. I didn't want him to let go. "I'm here because I care about you and not for any other reason. We will never be the same and that's just a fact. I can't look at you the same way."

"I can't look at me the same way either." I said. There was a sadness in me that wouldn't cease. "I was stupid for asking for your forgiveness, I wouldn't forgive me. As a matter a fact I don't forgive me and you're right we're never going to be the same after this but regardless of it all, I love you Jake."

He pulled away and kissed the top of my head. "I'll be waiting for you."

He walked out of the room and I signed the release for the surgery.

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I woke up alone in a recovery room. I was sure my father was upset. I didn't expect him to happy about this. I didn't know what do with myself. I was hospitalized for three days and I never found the will to leave, I didn't want to get better. Occasionally Jake would come visit me but not often. On the day of the discharge the doctor came in to talk to me.

"Kate you've healed enough to go home but I don't think it would be wise of me to let you go home." He began. To any other patient this would be devastating but I didn't really care. I didn't listen to half of what he said. "Your father thinks this is a good idea."

"I'm sorry what?"

"Kate, you're not eating, you're not taking care of yourself I can't let you leave, not this way, not in this state of mind. On the fourth floor is the psych unit and the rehabilitation center."

"Great, I'm crazy." I murmured.

He sighed. "It happens to women who go through this kind of thing. You'll be an area where there are men and women who suffer from depression and other disorders. This will be the only way that you're going to get better."

"What if I don't want to?" I sat up in my bed. "Get better I mean."

"I can't answer that but we have a pretty good success rate in this hospital. You're young and maybe you'll get out before spring semester starts."

I nodded. "I don't care, do whatever you want." There was a slight knock at the door. The doctor excused himself and opened the door to leave. When he walked out I saw Jake come in.

"Your dad told me. Are you okay?"

I shrugged. "It doesn't matter to me, it shouldn't matter to you. Thank you for being with me all this time but…you can go." I said with a knot at the base of my throat. "I know you don't want to be here and I understand that. This is my fault and you shouldn't feel the responsibility to me anymore."

"You're going to rehab."

"So, I'm not your girlfriend anymore. Don't worry about me, Jake."

"I can't _not_ worry about ya."

"I love you and because I do I'm telling this. Just forget about me. I'll deal with it on my own and I don't want you with me because I've put you through enough. If you want to do something for me, just forget me. Go and live your life, be succesful. I guess I should say good luck in the army."

"How about just a…good luck until I figure out what I'm doing exactly."

I smiled, happy that he wouldn't be going out to war. "Good luck then."

"I hope the Tisch, in the spring will be everything you expect it to be."

"I'm sure it is, though I'll never know." I replied sadly. "I won't be attending but I did get in to A&M so I'll start there spring semester, if I can."

"Kate –" He began.

"It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make, it'll never make up for my actions but it will alleviate some of the guilt. Now go, act as if I'm not going to rehab."

"Good luck then."

"I'm sorry." I said once more.

"I know."

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**One more chapter then the epilogue. Give me your thoughts and I also want to request everyone's input. Since this story is coming to an end please go vote on my poll, you all get to choose what I do next. Review!**

**PS. This is the second to last chapter, I would like to say that this was my favorite story to write, I loved it. It was fun and it was different for me so i hope you enjoy it. ****There will be an epilogue ****and if you think there is something I should add please include it in the review.**

**~Toodles.**


	43. Thank You

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Sometime in the Future.  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – This is the end : )**

_I have you to thank for making me so  
So hard to please because you treated me so  
Good that no one else could hold your make-up  
Because of you girl I never want to break up_

_The difference I'm feeling in my heart  
Is the difference of loving or not  
And under the stars and moon and sun  
Is the perfect becoming of one_

_If I told you that I loved like an ace  
Then I'd be lying 'cause I've made some mistakes  
But I'm trying with perfect faith  
When I let you in  
I began to win  
And now I'm just all gold  
After all I've done  
And the road I've run  
I want to thank you  
I want to thank you  
__**–I Have You To Thank, Gavin De Graw**_

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**Thank You**

**BPOV (Bella)**

Things were settling down with everyone. Jake was training Charlie to play baseball, they both enjoyed it. It began to rain and I called them in.

Jake grabbed a glass of water. "Jake have you seen Kate?" I noted that Jake hadn't been out often and I also knew that Kate was in rehab. She was admitted a few days ago.

He shook his head. "She doesn't want me around and I don't exactly think I can be. Our relationship has disappeared. She's going to her route and I'm going to go mine. " He had this sad tone in his voice. I felt that Jake still loved Kate but his pain and anger clouded that love I knew he had for her.

"Where is that route headed?"

"College, I guess. I applied to Texas Tech for spring semester."

"I'm glad."

"Ya'll should go out, have a romantic dinner. Ya'll deserve it and I owe it to you both. I'm not the easiest child to raise. I'm well aware of that. So this is my gift, Aunt Alice has your wardrobe ready upstairs. It's been planned for a while. I'll take Aimee and Charlie out for pizza."

"You don't have to Jake. We can wait to go out, you've been through a lot."

"Exactly, I know that at times I haven't exactly improved the conditions of your marriage. Just go out have dinner and I'll be fine."

I smiled and looked up at Edward. "It's been a while since we've had a date."

He nodded. "We'll be back before midnight."

"You have reservations and _La Dolce Vita_." He called out as we went upstairs to change.

I found a beautiful cocktail dress, custom made. Alice was a genius.

We made town to the small Italian restaurant. It was the fanciest restaurant in town and the food was amazing. We arrived at the restaurant but it seemed very darkly lit but there were cars in the parking lot. We walked into the restaurant and found everyone we knew there.

"Happy Anniversary!" They shouted.

"It's not for another month….right?" I said baffled by the situation. I remember my anniversary. I know I do its next month.

"I think that's the point, it's a surprise." He whispered amused by my confusion.

I let out a gush of air. "I knew I hadn't forgotten our anniversary."

I spotted Jake, Aimee and Charlie in the crowd. "Congratulations, mom and dad."

"Ya'll are good." Edward said with a smile.

"I know!" Aimee cheered.

Behind him Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett and their children came over to us.

"I did a good job with the dress." Alice giggled.

Jasper gave me a hug. "I have to say you have come a long way. My little sister is married with a family and I'm sure our parents would be so happy."

"Yeah, I mean you raised a teenager, kudos." Emmett added.

"I'm not that bad." Jake interjected. Everyone turned and gave him '_the look."_ "I…I could've been worse."

"You could've been a thug." Rose said laughingly.

I heard Ryan chuckle. "Jake as a thug, it humors me."

"The point is that you turned out great and your father would be proud." Esme joined.

Carlisle nodded. "Things took a big turn 16 years ago and it's been rocky but we've all made this far and that's something to celebrate."

"Yes it is." Edward agreed.

At some point during the party Edward and I broke off. We sat alone at a table near the back of the restaurant. "He's the proof that we've done something right." I muttered.

Edward already knew that I was talking about Jake. "I fulfilled my promise. I raised this kid and I somewhat did a good job."

"You did an amazing job. You went above and beyond. Jake has never felt any less than your real children and that matters. You have loved him as you own child, you've treated him that way. You've talked him out of some crazy ideas and you never gave up on me. You found me when I was lost. You picked me up and at some point I forgot the sacrifice you made for me. Edward I swear I won't forget, I love you."

"Love." He whispered. "You've got the story wrong. What makes you think that I wasn't the one who was lost. Bell, I was a young guy with absolutely no priorities and no responsibilities. I changed and it wasn't just my disorder, you managed to change me into an acceptable individual with a purpose in life. You've given me everything I ever wanted."

"I didn't give you anything." I reminded him. "_He_ gave us happiness together and I know he's smiling down on us. To everyone else our story sounds sick but it's not. We've made it, we've raised Jake and he turned out well. That's what he wanted and that's what I wanted. He wanted to see his son succeed, it's easier said than done but he's getting there." I was hopeful that Jake would figure out what he wanted. He was capable of a lot and he would definitely be successful. Despite it all he had a future full of promise.

"I can't say that it was easy but as apposed to other things in my life this was worth it."

"I didn't imagine myself at this point in my life 18 years ago but my life took a turn and I lost some things along the way but I also found other things. I don't regret anything though because I wouldn't be here if I had made other choices. It's clichéd but everything happens for a reason and I do believe that. This was definitely meant to be."

He chuckled. "Fate had quite an ordeal with us, but fate never gave up." He raised his glass. "To fate."

"To fate."

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**Only the Epilogue left, share your thoughts!**

**PS. Someone suggested I do a prequel to this story, so if you like the idea visit my poll. I REALLY LIKE THE IDEA. I was wondering how about ya'll? Who would read, let me know. The story would be starting from Jacob's senior year to the last time Jacob came home. It goes through their first meeting, wedding and Jake's birth. I don't think it'll be long but it sounds really fun.**

**~Toodles.**


	44. Epilogue: Silver Lining

**Title**** – **_You Found Me  
_**POV ****– **Edward  
**Setting**** – **Killeen, Texas (near Fort Hood, Texas)  
**Mortality**** – **All human**  
****Time Setting**** – **Sometime in the Future.  
**Summary**** – **The worst part of being an army wife is not the wait, it is when the wait is over and you find yourself with no husband and son with no father. That's the hardest part and at that point you can only find comfort in a certain person, when does the comfort become something else? Bella is what we call an _army wife_. She is married to Sergeant Black. He has been in the army since he was 17. He is best friends with Edward Cullen, a guy who is dedicated to the army but doesn't realize that it's taking a toll on his life. Tragedy strikes and soon there are two people left and they must depend on one another to get through it. Can they get through it without making a sinful mistake?  
**A/N**** – *sniffle* last update, I'm very sad but kind of excited. **

_I'm going home,  
down-hearted and hoping I'm close,  
to some new beginning.  
I know,  
there's a reason for everything that comes and goes._

_So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight  
but I'm just surviving.  
And I may be weak but I'm never defeated  
and Ill keep believing  
in clouds with that sweet __silver lining  
__**–Sweet Silver Lining, Kate Voegele**_

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**Epilogue: Silver Lining**

_**College Graduation….**_

**JPOV (Jake)**

I retrieved my diploma on stage, I was so relieved that I was done with college. Part of that could be attributed to the fact that I know what I'm going to do after this. I was joining the Peace Crop, this time I was sure and I was doing it for the right reasons. I knew that I wanted to help people and that this was the perfect way to do it. I had a bachelor's in Biology and sometime in the future I would major in Public Health but meanwhile I wanted to do this.

The dean gave his closing speeches. "Congratulations class, you are all now graduates of Texas Tech University."

I found my family through the crowds. They had driven from Killeen to Abilene, a long drive. "Who would've known we're college graduates, baby." Ryan said as he jogged up behind me.

I rolled my eyes. "It's a surprise I got through it. You on the other hand breezed by, how the hell do you pass every class with an A and yet you show up to class hung over and rarely do you pick up a book and study? How does that happen?" I demanded.

He chuckled. "Beats me."

"Did your mom come?"

He shook his head. "Nope, I sent her the invitation but I didn't talk to her about it."

"Congratulations!" Taylor, Ryan's first long time girlfriend, cheered. She embraced him and gave me my felicitations.

"Kendra says hi." She said. "She also said that you will regret not taking her up on her offer."

"Kate." Ryan mumbled.

"Kate who?" I asked. He looked over to the crowd behind us. "What are you talking about?"

"Your Kate."

"I don't have a Kate."

"Well you had a Kate and she's here." He gestured over to a beautiful girl. She had dark hair that ran down her back in unruly waves. Her hazel eyes sparkled in the sun and her smile was contagious. It was hard to admit to myself that throughout the years I still looked at her and thought she was my girlfriend. What happened between us was heartbreaking. I still haven't gotten over it. I still can't forget that baby boy who never had a chance in life. I don't think it's something you get over, it's something you get through and I've accomplished that. "Jake, are you breathing?"

"Shut up." I muttered.

"What are you going to do?"

"It's not like I can avoid her." Not that I really wanted to. "See you later. I'll meet you at the dorm so we can take what's left back home."

I walked over to my family who all congratulated me. Everyone one was here, my aunts and uncles, my grandparents, cousins, Aimee and Charlie who was now in High school. Everyone approached me but her. I hugged my mom. "I'm gonna say bye to some of my friends and I'll meet you for lunch?" I parted from them and went to find Kate. I found her standing alone under the shade of a tree.

"Kate." I said to get her attention. She looked the same but also different. Older, obviously, but there was something else, she looked happy and just so alive. She looked healthy and beautiful. "What are you doing here?"

Her eyes met mine and she smiled. "I was in the neighborhood."

"You were in Abilene? There's nothing here but dry ground and horses." I said with a chuckle. This town was out in the middle of nowhere.

"Maybe not in the neighborhood, I graduated from A&M a couple of weeks ago and I went back home. Your brother is going to school with my cousin and she told me that he and his family were coming to your graduation and I promised you I'd come, you probably don't remember."

"I don't."

"Freshmen year I told you that when we were mar – we can skip that part, I told you that I would be there when you figured out what you wanted, I told you that I would wait for you until you figured it out and I would be there to help you celebrate when you did."

I began to remember bits and pieces of that conversation. She had in fact promised me that, in exchange I said I would be in the first row whenever she got on stage for the first time in New York. "I remember."

"I know that doesn't apply anymore but it did to me and I'm so happy for you, Jake."

"What about you?"

She shrugged. "I graduated with a major in history, not sure what I can do with that but I'll figure it out." As many times as my impulsiveness has gotten me into trouble, I still never thought with my head. I leaned into her and pressed my lips to hers, I sipped my arms around her and I kissed her. I am still the idiot from before, there's no doubt about that. Time can only do so much and it does nothing for impulsiveness.

I pulled away, embarrassed but I had proven that despite, maybe in spite of it all, I still felt the same way when I kissed her. She was the one girl who made me feel this way, it hasn't changed. "I wanted to see if it still felt the same way."

She bit her lip. "Does it?"

"You tell me."

She ran her fingers through her hair. "It does, my heart still flutters at your touch. There's not a day I don't regret what I did, I ruined my own life. I lost a child but I also lost you and that hurt almost as deeply."

"I have made some stupid decisions as well and I've paid dearly for them. Who am I to judge you, who am I to forgive you and the answer is that I'm no one. I don't hold that power and you shouldn't feel like I do. I'm not god, he's the only one who can forgive you and I think he has. I think he's forgiven me as well. I would like to think that, at the very least."

"So what now?"

I wanted to be with her, I proved that today. She was the only person for me and all I had to do was take a chance. "What are you doing after college?" I asked.

"Nothing really."

"Would you be willing to follow me somewhere?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"Join the Peace Corp." I blurted out. "Come with me."

"Okay." She said immediately. "I'll go with you."

"Really?"

She nodded. "Why not?"

"It's three years, Kate. We're going to rough it."

"I can do that." She assured me.

"I didn't think you'd agree so easily."

"Me either. Where do I sign?" She asked eagerly.

I smiled out of pure happiness. "You're the one girl, no matter what you did or what you will do, that I will always appreciate and love. I really hope that what happened between us 4 years ago will be put behind us. I think I can do that."

"The only thing I can give you is my word. I will never be so stupid, I will never keep anything from you. I know that what comes around goes around. I want to be with you. In four years I can guarantee you that you have been the only one. You were the only guy who's been with me and I hope that will remain the same. I never felt the right to come find you but this time I had to. I missed you." Her eyes watered and my heart melted. She really had a hold on me. Her words and her sincerity assured me that the chance I would take with her would be worth it.

I wiped the tears from her eyes. "So did I. If it counts for anything, I've gotten through everything," I wrapped my arms around her and held her close to me. She embraced me the same way, "and…I forgive you." I whispered.

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**This is the last chapter and it makes so sad because this was my very favorite story, it's the one I've had so much fun writing. I've decided that I will do a short prequel, it's called Young Love and I have the preface posted but I won't update for a while because I need to write at least half the story before I update, I change my mind often. Leave me some farewells and put Young Love on Alert for when I do update, it might be sooner than ya'll think.**

**~Toodles.**


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